Confused


#1

You need to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

You most likely will not get alimony and, if he goes for custody, he may get it since the child is a boy and can provide for him.

Most judges know how verbal abuse goes back and forth in a bad marriage and will just ignore such facts.

You need to start taking charge of your life and become more dependant instead of spending all your energy on the negative side of your problems.

YOUR biggest problem is your thoughts of being homelss and losing your child.

Your son will always be your son and nothing can change that.
Start taking care of yourself and your future. Show yourself,
your son and your husband that you can take care of yourself.
Being dependant on someone else is the worst position a woman can put herself in. If, you need training to get a job, seek out community based training programs that provide free training.
Start putting money away for future legal expenses now!

Good luck to you.

Phil


#2

What does my son’s gender have to do with who gets custody? And I’m not worried about being homeless because I’d be able to find a home. I don’t verbally abuse my husband. And how can a judge give him custody? He’s been verbally abusive to him, has denied being our son’s father, and has a terrible temper.

Leanne


#3

I disagree with Phils. You didnt provide enough info. to consider if you would get alimony. Your adultry shouldnt be a factor…he obviously forgave it years ago. From what you have stated it seems as though you are entitled to alimony. How long were you married? Did you work?

I dont understand, “if he goes for custody, he may get it since the child is a boy and can provide for him.” It makes no sense.

The judge will decide custody based on who is a “more fit” parent. If both are “fit and proper” I bet the judge will consider the childs wishes. NC is pretty good at awarding “joint custody” If your only problem is financial issuses and depression (divorce is expensive and depressing…especially for the dependant spouse) than I think it will be extremely difficult for yor ex to gain sole custody of your son. If you are both good parents you should look into what your child wants and mediate the issue.


#4

Statistics show that boys that grow up without their father or a father figure end up as troubled teens and adults. The judges know this and take into consideration the fathers parenting skills and his abilities to financially support the children. They will also consider the mothers parenting skills as well.

They will aso consider the parents mental stability so, if you have a history of depression, the judge may feel the father would be the better parent being more stable. In reality though, it is all in that particular judges opinion after seeing and hearing all the factual evidence.

The judge will consider many different things and only as a last resort will the child be asked to testify. Some judges frown upon the parent who asks to have their child testify. This is where having a lawyer who knows the judge and how he thinks is imperative.

Either way, you need to show that you are a stable parent and one that can provide for your child if the father decides to hit the road and leave you high and dry with no income.

The adultry will only be an issue if the husband and his lawyer make it one. If the husband and his lawyer want to make it an issue, they have that right and you have the right to defend against it.

Phil


#5

Statistics also show that girls who grow up without a father figure also grow up as troubled teens and crave anytype of male attention (even negative or abusive) moreso than girls who grow up with a positive father figure. It is VERY hard to take children from a “fit and proper” mother, regardless of the sex.

If finances are a major issue, The mother can always ask for a deviation from the child support guidelines, condidering she has been the dependant spouse since 98.


#6

Yes, she can ask but, in this situation, things have become very bad between the man and women involved and the man may leave and become a deadbeat dad. This is how most deadbeat dads are created these days. It is always better for the couples to work things out between themselves if possible because in the end, when all is said and done, everyone loses. Especially the children.

I suspect that since it is so easy to get a divorce and the divorce rate being so high, that future generations will shy away from marriage so they won’t have children that they could hurt.

Phil


#7

Dear wildfire:

Greetings. Yes, he has condonned the affair and you are now entitled to alimony, unless you cheat again. Yes, you can stop him from taking your son away. You should consult an attorney about either drafting and negotiating a separation agreement or file a claim for post separation support and alimony. Good luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#8

Yes, he condoned the adultery, we did stay together. The adultery happened about 5 years ago. He is the only one with a job, he doesn’t want me to work so someone will be home for our son when he gets home from school. Our son is 14, and does need someone to stay on top of him about doing his homework.

My husband tries to be a good dad, but doesn’t do much with our son except during hunting season. Any other time, he either sits around watching television or is messing around on the computer. As of right now, he’s a truck driver and isn’t home that much. He also has a violent temper and has threatened to harm our son such as breaking his legs or arms, or kill him. Also calls him names such as bastard. He’s also tried to claim that he doesn’t know if he’s the biological father. He says this because he thinks that I’ve cheated on him the whole time we’ve been married and that our son doesn’t have either his blood type or mine. He won’t speak in a calm voice when he gets upset. He’ll scream & yell at the top of his lungs.[|)]

Leanne


#9

Dear wildfire:

Did I miss the question or are you just venting? Please just post questions here and emotional issues on the other forum site. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#10

Sorry Ms. Fritts. I guess I was venting a bit. I will keep your request in mind from now on. [;)]

Leanne


#11

No problems. I just want to ensure that everyone who needs an answer gets one. Thanks

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#12

My husband and I have had a rocky marriage for quite a while. Our problems are partially my fault by not being truthful, committing adultery, and making mistakes in general. We have a 14 year old son. But my husband has threatened to leave me numerous times, threatened to take our son away from me, occassionally denied paternity of our son, has threatened our son, has called us both demeaning names, etc. I’ve been a dependant spouse since 1998. When had threatened to leave me, he would tell me that he’d pay child support, but I can forget about alimony because of my adultery. The adultery happened about 4-5 years ago and hasn’t happened since. I also suffer from depression. He doesn’t believe I suffer from it, and is now refusing to pay for my medication. He seems to think I can just snap my fingers and make it go away, or it’s all just in my head. What are my options? How can I keep him from taking my son away from me? Can I still be awarded alimony?

Leanne