Custidy issue


#1

This may sound harsh, but it appears your daughter did not learn the first time. She’s not willing to help you re-coup what you spent on helping take care of the first child and now she’s got another? I think both mom and dad here are being knuckleheads and you’re getting the short end off the stick. Dad deserves to have a part in his daughter’s life, but if I were you, I wouldn’t sign any agreement right now. I’d let the two of them know that you still have custody and it will remain that way. If they want it changed, then you will have to be granted custody rights also and THEY have to pay for the legal fees for this to happen. They can both pitch in and hire one attorney to represent all three of you. If they refuse, tell them to stick it where the moon doesn’t shine. I think your daughter has taken advantage of you and you need to let her know that stops too.


#2

If you have court ordered custody then only a modification of that court order will give your daughter any custodial rights to her daughter. If they have an agreement then it will still have to go through the court. What happened to the two motions that he filed with the court? If you have your granddaughter’s best interest in mind, which it sounds like you do, then your daughter and the father will need to come up with a little more to show cause why custody should be taken away from you. Then they will be in a custody battle. I would explain to your daughter and the father that for the last 3-4 years you have been the primary person in this little girls life and that you do not want to alienate either of them but that you are not signing anything and that the only way they will get custody is to subpoena you to court.
I would also suggest to your daughter that while he’s been paying child support, she hasn’t, and that until she does offer to help out finacially for her child, there will be no more agreements and you will be making the decisions. Tell her to grow up and pay her own way through college because you and your husband are tapped out and you simply can not make the money stretch any more. This should at least get her attention as far as the money that you are spending to go to court all these times.


#3
quote:
[i]Originally posted by stepmother[/i] [br]If you have court ordered custody then only a modification of that court order will give your daughter any custodial rights to her daughter. If they have an agreement then it will still have to go through the court. What happened to the two motions that he filed with the court? If you have your granddaughter's best interest in mind, which it sounds like you do, then your daughter and the father will need to come up with a little more to show cause why custody should be taken away from you. Then they will be in a custody battle. I would explain to your daughter and the father that for the last 3-4 years you have been the primary person in this little girls life and that you do not want to alienate either of them but that you are not signing anything and that the only way they will get custody is to subpoena you to court. I would also suggest to your daughter that while he's been paying child support, she hasn't, and that until she does offer to help out finacially for her child, there will be no more agreements and you will be making the decisions. Tell her to grow up and pay her own way through college because you and your husband are tapped out and you simply can not make the money stretch any more. This should at least get her attention as far as the money that you are spending to go to court all these times.

lb


#4

Dear Gramma:

Greetings. Please condense your post into a couple of quick questions. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#5

I need help. I obtained physical and legal custody by consent order of granddaughter in 2003 when my daughter wanted to joint the Air Force. My granddaughter was born when she was just 16. The father (they never were married) held her up from joining by only agreeing if he could share legal custody with me. Child support and visitation was not spelled out. After an argument in 2004, he filed a motion against me for contempt when I told him he had to have his visits in my home (he rarely showed up for his once weekly afternoon visits anyway and often had to be called and reminded). After giving a gradual increase in visitation to every other weekend, 2 weeks in the summer, shared holidays he dismissed the motion against me. Things seemed to go smoothly for a while as he got a new girlfriend and moved in with her. She seemed to influence his visitations some in that he started to show up more and call more if he wasn’t coming. In August 2005 legal custody was added for my daughter in order to place her on the same legal footing as he, were anything to happen to me. She is in the child’s life daily and our close by homes are interchangeable. In the meantime I arranged all visits with his parents (separate from his) since he didn’t speak to them. He got married in March of this year (2006). After a very serious situation created by his mother I told him he needed to arrange her visits himself, and he became so angry he brought another motion before the court, totally trashing me in items A-U. I was so upset, and so overwhelmed with his motion, my daughter convinced me to give physical custody over to her and let her fight him. Her lawyer drew up anotehr consent order for just her and I to sign, me giving physical and legal custody to her, and citing there were not changes for him so he didn’t need to sign. She slipped it to the judge for signature and we thought it was valid. He promptly filed a new motion against her and trashed her in items a-p. Her lawyer, by this time, was not answering her phone calls (she was paid in full) and we went to a new lawyer, who immediately told us, technically I still have custody, that the consent order my daughter and I signed wasn’t valid. Now she is getting ready to make a visitation agreement with him and is afraid enough of him to give him more than our granddaughter can handle. He is trying to get the exact number of days to knock his child support down to next to nothing. In the meantime our granddaughter is stressed to the max, having just started kindergarten, is in transition to a more permanent move to her mother’s house and her father is telling her I’m taking you away from your Gramma. One, for instance, is last night she called me at 9 pm from Mom’s house crying inconsolably, I want you soooo much Gramma. She’d been with him for his weekend then Mom last night so she hadn’t seen me in 3 days. She was heartbroken. I asked my daughter what she wanted me to do and the end result I went and got her and brought her to be with Grandpa and I for the night. Please, tell me what to do. I am poor as a churchmouse, we are on a fixed income, have been through what little retirement money we had, legal fees are more than doubled already what he paid in child support this year, my daughter has given me none, although we are still paying for her to go to college. She now has a second child, home and husband. Please help. Please direct me. It is getting to the wire, that they want me to sign this agreement my daughter and the father are cooking up and I think it is not in my granddaughter’s best interests and they are trying to avoid court.

lb