Does parent w/ most $ win?


#1

I’d like to tell you that the money doesn’t count but realistically it does. But only where it relates to attorney’s and the total cost of fighting custody in court.
In terms of the parent with the most money being able to care better for the child, then no, money does not count as much. The courts do not care if the mother doesn’t have a pot to pss in as long as she can care for the children. The courts do not care if the father has to work three jobs as long as he can care for the children. The courts look at the history of parenting, who has been the primary caregiver, what schedule is currently being used and if that is working, what the best terms for the child is so that each parent has the right to spend time with the child and be involved.
There are some that will say it’s all about who has more money but in reality this is probably because they could no longer afford their own attorney and settled with the ex. You do not have to have an attorney but it’s normally in your best interest to have one look over any agreement before signing.

No one, except the attorney’s, win in a custody case. The parents, the child/children, and their families all lose. The attorneys get paid whether or not you get custody. And they do not have to live with the court order for the remaining years. Neither does the Judge.
If at all possible, the best scenario is to realize that the child has another parent, be fair and promote a healthy relationship with the other parent and work with that parent to raise your child.


#2

Wow that was amazingly honest. I have had to beg borrow and squeal to get up 5K and that may not even cover the cost of the entire battle. After the 5k is gone so is my IRA, all my bills will be late and I’ll owe someone 3K by March. Desparately stressed.

quote:
[i]Originally posted by stepmother[/i] [br]I'd like to tell you that the money doesn't count but realistically it does. But only where it relates to attorney's and the total cost of fighting custody in court. In terms of the parent with the most money being able to care better for the child, then no, money does not count as much. The courts do not care if the mother doesn't have a pot to pss in as long as she can care for the children. The courts do not care if the father has to work three jobs as long as he can care for the children. The courts look at the history of parenting, who has been the primary caregiver, what schedule is currently being used and if that is working, what the best terms for the child is so that each parent has the right to spend time with the child and be involved. There are some that will say it's all about who has more money but in reality this is probably because they could no longer afford their own attorney and settled with the ex. You do not have to have an attorney but it's normally in your best interest to have one look over any agreement before signing.

No one, except the attorney’s, win in a custody case. The parents, the child/children, and their families all lose. The attorneys get paid whether or not you get custody. And they do not have to live with the court order for the remaining years. Neither does the Judge.
If at all possible, the best scenario is to realize that the child has another parent, be fair and promote a healthy relationship with the other parent and work with that parent to raise your child.



#3

I was always told that it is the parent who has been the soul care taker of the child/children. You can’t remove a child from siblins and also from a routine.

But, if you are doing things against the law like drugs, drinking around the children, abusing them, then yes you would lose custody if you have been the soul parent. All this is a no, no!


#4

In a high income divorce, it is the parent with the most money who wins. Money talks and a judge will listen because he also wants a piece of the pie. I know this because I experienced it. In my case, the law was ignored, rewritten, and no single order was made in my favor. The judge refuses to recognize any faults of the ex. For example, the judge ignored extracurricular expenses the ex owed me, but ordered me to pay the ex 50% of the expenses the ex incurred. My income is much, much lower than the ex’s, but yet and still, I was ordered to pay 50%. Adultery of the ex was NOT allowed in “my” judge’s courtroom. He refused to “hear” it.

No. The Court cares nothing about you or your child. The Court cares about the Court and what those in power can get out of your misery. You are much better off if you can settle without a lawyer, the middleman who does nothing but charge, charge, charge, and a judge, a bought off slime bucket.


#5

The courts make decisions based on what is best for the child. As a general rule, the court does not gain anything by either party being miserable. No the system is not completely fair but it can be used to your advantage. Instead of putting your future into the courts hands, try researching some of the laws and listening to the outcomes of some other cases first.
You hire an attorney to “argue” a case for you. Some do a better job than others. This is their JOB not their lives. If you put your life into someone else’s hands then you need to make sure you are prepared to live with the outcome regardless.
Anyone who has been through this will tell you: Pick your battles, Make your own decisions, and Settle as much as you can outside of court.
Some things are not worth fighting over in the long run. If you allow yourself to become bitter because your ex walks away with everything and you begin to blame everyone else instead of finding ways to make your situation work for you, you are going to be miserable.
If your attorney is agreeing to something with your ex’s attorney that you do not agree to, find out why and either express your reasons or find another attorney. Your attorney works for you. If they are not doing the job you hired them for, find another.
It’s always a good idea to have an attorney look over anything before signing, but you do not have to allow the attorneys and the courts/judges to decide things like custody and ED for you. You can work with the ex, as difficult as it may be, so that you have some say in the matter. Once it goes to court, they follow the law and there’s little that you can do at that point.

NC is a no fault state. Adultery is NOT a reason that property is divided unequal or that custody is decided for or against one parent. The only thing that adultery affects is a persons right to request/receive alimony.
I am not saying that I agree with this, but this is how things are. Write your Congressman if you don’t agree. Try to get the laws changed. Do whatever you have to to make ends meet and provide for your family. But please, for your own sake, don’t sit in a corner putting blame on everyone and feeling sorry for yourself. Doing that only serves to make you and everyone else feel bad. Most of us already have a load of stress, humilitation, and fear that we do our best just to function some days. We feel badly for you and what your stbx or ex has done and we sympathize. There’s little that can be done to change it and if being proactive makes things a little easier, then that is what I suggest. As usual, this is just my opinion…


#6

Just to let you know…money does NOT always win the battle. I made less and had less. I kept custody of my children, and I negotiated debt for the house. I didn’t ask for alimony-though I qualified. I didn’t want to be on his payroll. I DID want him to support his kids, which is does.

Not everyone has a case like Lostinspace. PLEASE do not let her story make you feel like the courts are always unfair. Just like in life, there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rules and you’ll read about some here. But typically, the court system works when used correctly and knowledgably. And they DO care about your children.Life will always be unfair to some people. But you have to just get over it, move on and do the very best that you can.

Lawyers are doing the job they paid big bucks to go to school for. Yes, they make good money. There may be a few bad apples in the basket, but most have your best interest at heart. They have their job because we DON’T know the law like they do. You can choose to be unrepresented, but unless the other party agrees to it too…someone is going to get railroaded. You simply can NOT compete with a lawyer on your own. So, Get the best lawyer you can afford, do your homework, and don’t back down.


#7

EXCELLENT advice. I was getting DITD (down in the dumps) for a minute there.

quote:
[i]Originally posted by comingclean2[/i] [br]Just to let you know...money does NOT always win the battle. I made less and had less. I kept custody of my children, and I negotiated debt for the house. I didn't ask for alimony-though I qualified. I didn't want to be on his payroll. I DID want him to support his kids, which is does.

Not everyone has a case like Lostinspace. PLEASE do not let her story make you feel like the courts are always unfair. Just like in life, there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rules and you’ll read about some here. But typically, the court system works when used correctly and knowledgably. And they DO care about your children.Life will always be unfair to some people. But you have to just get over it, move on and do the very best that you can.

Lawyers are doing the job they paid big bucks to go to school for. Yes, they make good money. There may be a few bad apples in the basket, but most have your best interest at heart. They have their job because we DON’T know the law like they do. You can choose to be unrepresented, but unless the other party agrees to it too…someone is going to get railroaded. You simply can NOT compete with a lawyer on your own. So, Get the best lawyer you can afford, do your homework, and don’t back down.



#8

Don’t get DITD. A ‘doomesday’ attitude will get you a doomesday result. EVEN IF something comes through unfairly in your mind, it happens for a reason. Courts aren’t ‘out to get’ you and they don’t punish you for not making as much money as your STBX. Just follow your gut, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. A lawyer that doesn’t go to bat for you is not the lawyer for you. They work for YOU, not the opposing party, not the judge and not the courts. Don’t let anyone (on this forum or otherwise) tell you differently.

My lawyer strongly advised me to ask for alimony, but I didn’t and I was firm about it. I used that as leverage to get the house. Now I sit on very good equity and he has nothing but his new wife’s house—which is hers and hers alone (very smart on her part). Yes, I had to get a new job, yes, I went through very tough financial times, yes, my kids and I GAVE UP certain things that were ‘our accustomed standard of living’ , but it was what it was. We are stronger for it and I learned MANY valuable life lessons.


#9

I am glad that some of you were treated fairly. If I have caused a problem here, then I apologize. Lawyers in my case were just out for what they could get out of me. Maybe it’s the rinky dink town I live in or “good ole boy” network. Most of you, if not all of you, have stated that the lawyers are the only ones who win. Now, you seem to think that because YOU said it and I AGREE, that I am the bad guy! If YOU don’t think MONEY talks, look at the state of our country at the present time! If you’ve got it, YOU can buy it! Jeez! The lawyers go to school and deserve the big bucks! For what? So, THEY can win??? Give me a break!


#10

I’m not sure what you are asking but I have not found it to be the case that the higher earning parent is more likely to get custody. Custody if far more likely to be granted to the parent who has been the primary caretaker of the children.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit radio.rosen.com for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

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#11

In a normal situation, you would think the primary caretaker would be awarded. Not so in my case. There are exceptions to the rule. You just need to be aware that sometimes, the parent with the most money, can BUY whatever he wants. Even a judge.

I think it makes a difference in your community/county. If one of the spouses is “prominent” and the other isn’t, it very well makes a difference. Case in point: Betty Broderick. Her lawyer husband had them all wrapped around his little finger. She couldn’t even get a lawyer to take her case in her home county! True. She handled it badly, but I, of all people, understand her frustration!

It depends on who you are and how many degrees you have hanging on your wall. The good ole boy network is alive and well. That’s just a fact, Jack.


#12

Is it usually the case that the person with the most money wins? Specifically with custody?