Don’t know what to do


So I don’t know what to do I just found out that my husband of 7yrs is having a relationship with someone for almost 10months. How I found out is from the young ladies husband. My husband kept me in the complete and utter darkness. He made me think one thing while he was doing another. My husband has told me all about the relationship and has said he was done with her only for me to find out he’s still in communication with her. What can I do to protect my daughter and I?


If your husband has engaged in an act of illicit sexual behavior with his paramour and if you intend to separate because of knowledge of the affair, then you will need to separate soon. If you wait and then the issue of alimony comes up, your husband could argue that you condoned the affair by staying in the marriage. An act of illicit sexual behavior affects alimony. If you are the supporting spouse, then you would not be required to pay your husband alimony assuming no marital misconduct by you. If you are the dependent spouse, then your husband would be required to pay you alimony assuming no marital misconduct by you.

Also, by separating, you will be able to strengthen a claim for alienation of affection against the paramour. For more information on this topic, check out our detailed article Infidelity and Alienation of Affection.

You should also make sure you have evidence of the act or acts of illicit sexual behavior such as phone/text records, social media posts/messages, hotel receipts.

If your husband doesn’t know yet that you have found out he’s still seeing the paramour, you can hire a private investigator who can help you prove the act or acts of illicit sexual behavior. For detailed information about private investigators, take a look at our article Can a Private Investigator Help My Divorce Case?

Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.