Ex's gfriend staking out territory in school


I have two children who are 6 and 7. My ex-husband’s girlfriend volunteers in their school classrooms weekly, and I would like to put an end to it. The Wake County School system’s position is that ANY person may volunteer in a classroom if they meet the requirements. I need to know what needs to be done to put a stop to this before the next school year begins on July 7th.

If she was a “good” person, this would be no problem for me, but she is using the school system to stake out her territory with my children. She volunteers during my custodial time, and she uses the opportunity to paint me in a negative light with the other moms. If someones asks, “Are you Jake’s mom?” She replies with, “Hi, I’m Stacey.” So while she doesn’t expressly say that she is my child’s mother, she gives that impression. My ex-husband has her name on everything as the primary contact.

They are not married, but do live together. My ex and I have joint custody 70/40, and a consent order in place, which prohibits desparaging remarks by him or anyone with whom he associates, and she makes comments about me regularly to my children. She has asked them to call her “mommy” and me “birth mother”, and regularly tells them negative things about me.

What can I do??? It seems trivial but is heartbreaking for me that my children are exposed to this. I can’t control what goes on in my ex’s home, but I feel that I SHOULD be able to keep her out of their school.

I welcome comments from everyone who can point me in a good direction. I don’t have thousands to fight this battle.

Thank you.


First of all i’m REALLY confused when I look up your prior posts. You seem to be posting as a dad but then a mom in a different post.

I really think that children at that age will play off of the adults and what they think that they want to hear. Is it possible that because you don’t like the girlfriend that they are playing off of those feelings in order to make you feel better? My ex and I get along BUT at times when we were not getting along so well the children tended to tell each of us different things. Finally we came together and discussed things and realized what was happening.

As a stepmom, my husband’s ex makes a lot of assumptions of who I am/how I act/etc. She is wrong on SO many levels. She doesn’t know me on a personal level. She doesn’t know what goes on in our house. What is it about her that you think is not “good”?

What is so bad about her helping in their classrooms? It sounds like something that the kids are enjoying and the schools can really use all the help they can get especially with the budget cuts they are facing.

YOU are their mother. NOTHING that girlfriend does is going to change that! I’m sorry you feel threatened by her but I assure you that you can’t be replaced.


A woman who misrepresents herself as a parent when she is not, or tells my children negative things about me, or who tells my children to call her “mommy” and me “birth mother” is not a “good” person in my book. I consider her behavior to be inappropriate and overstepping boundaries. IMHO, she has no business being in my children’s classrooms.

I was just curious if anyone else had a similar experience, or had dealt with a similar situation with Wake County schools in the past, or who had any good information on how to put a stop to it.

I’m not interfering with her ability to volunteer at a school. More power to her to do so… Just not in my kids’ classrooms.

Regarding my previous posts… my partner and I have dealt with problems on both ends, and have found this venue to be helpful.

Thanks for your repsonse.