School functions


#1

Sounds like Dad wants to make this woman a part of his life or perhaps he is just trying to show you that he has someone in his life. Be polite and sit elsewhere - no big deal. If you make it a big deal it will just create stress for you and your child. At least his is there for his child and that’s what counts.
There are probably plenty of other divorced people and their ex’s and girl/boy friends in the audience every school and church activity.


#2

That is ture Mal. It sounds like you are a step mom and you have the perspective of his girlfriend. I guess that is good for me to get that view.

quote:
[i]Originally posted by mal[/i] [br]Sounds like Dad wants to make this woman a part of his life or perhaps he is just trying to show you that he has someone in his life. Be polite and sit elsewhere - no big deal. If you make it a big deal it will just create stress for you and your child. At least his is there for his child and that's what counts. There are probably plenty of other divorced people and their ex's and girl/boy friends in the audience every school and church activity.

#3

Be aware that your child is very observant of your reactions to situations. They can sense your stress and will respond to it.


#4

Yes true, and it is important that they see their parents constructively deal with stressful situations and work together. Considering my ex’s girlfriend was his assistant and also married at the time of thier union, I have handeled my reactions as well as the Lord will let me. I believe it is important to show feelings and show by example to overcome stressful situations. I learned a long time ago not to mask my feelings whatever they may be, but rather to control my reactions to others in a more positive manner. Thankfully I’m in acceptance mode and trying to get positive support in this forum. I do appreciate your input. It makes me think.

quote:
[i]Originally posted by mal[/i] [br]Be aware that your child is very observant of your reactions to situations. They can sense your stress and will respond to it.

#5

It sounds to me as though you are keeping an open mind about your situation. I’m glad to see that you are not being vindictive. It’s been almost two years since I’ve seen my husband’s ex and I’ve never spoken to her. I use to be invited to go to Fall Festivals and Christmas recitals for my stepsons, but their mother put a stop to that. After being attacked at one Christmas show, in front of both the children, her mother, her boyfriend and my husband’s grandmother, we decided that it would be better for everyone if I didn’t go to these things. I don’t even ride with my husband to drop them off if they happen to have to visit during our time. She doesn’t know me, she doesn’t like me but in all honesty it doesn’t bother me, and it doesn’t affect me or my life. Since things like that went on for so long, now we are having issues with my not being as close to the boys as I’d like, but we’re working on that.

The suggestion that I have is to keep in mind that everything comes back around. I’ve seen it happen. It doesn’t do you any good to get frustrated or upset because it will not change the situation. You are right in that you can not control your situation or your ex but you can control your own emotions. You don’t have to feel threatened by this. You are his parents and though he may have other people involved in his life, nothing will change that he loves you.
Your ex may not go to his “stepson’s” school functions due to his father being there…especially if they were still married when your ex and her started their relationship. That’s his cross to bear so to speak and he will have to answer for it one day. All you can do is provide a better example for your son than his father, make sure he knows that you love him, and hope that in the end, he has a better life than you. After all, isn’t that what we want for all the children?


#6

Thank you very much for your advice. I see you are involved in alot of different topics and you seem to be very caring, knowledgable and fair with your responses. I really need to overcome my own demons in regards to the girlfriend and just accept her entirely. I don’t foresee her going anywhere and it would probably make for a more loving future for my son. Thank you again…

quote:
[i]Originally posted by stepmother[/i] [br]It sounds to me as though you are keeping an open mind about your situation. I'm glad to see that you are not being vindictive. It's been almost two years since I've seen my husband's ex and I've never spoken to her. I use to be invited to go to Fall Festivals and Christmas recitals for my stepsons, but their mother put a stop to that. After being attacked at one Christmas show, in front of both the children, her mother, her boyfriend and my husband's grandmother, we decided that it would be better for everyone if I didn't go to these things. I don't even ride with my husband to drop them off if they happen to have to visit during our time. She doesn't know me, she doesn't like me but in all honesty it doesn't bother me, and it doesn't affect me or my life. Since things like that went on for so long, now we are having issues with my not being as close to the boys as I'd like, but we're working on that.

The suggestion that I have is to keep in mind that everything comes back around. I’ve seen it happen. It doesn’t do you any good to get frustrated or upset because it will not change the situation. You are right in that you can not control your situation or your ex but you can control your own emotions. You don’t have to feel threatened by this. You are his parents and though he may have other people involved in his life, nothing will change that he loves you.
Your ex may not go to his “stepson’s” school functions due to his father being there…especially if they were still married when your ex and her started their relationship. That’s his cross to bear so to speak and he will have to answer for it one day. All you can do is provide a better example for your son than his father, make sure he knows that you love him, and hope that in the end, he has a better life than you. After all, isn’t that what we want for all the children?



#7

I think it is natural for you to feel threatened by your husband’s new girlfriend, on many different levels. Put yourself in her place for just a minute. She is also divorced and is now essentially a single parent with a young son. I am sure she is trying to do the best she can for her own son and also trying to be fair and not exclude yours. I have a 10 yr old step-son and will never be a mother but feel that God has put this child in my life, not to be my son but so I can be a part of his life and he a part of mine. You will always be your son’s mother and it sounds as though you are very involved with him. Any other woman will be just that, another female adult figure, not his mother and your son knows that, even at this age. The situation could be much worse. She could be cruel to your son, abuse him, neglect him…instead it sounds as though she wants to include him in activities and church events…


#8

Is it o.k. if dad brings girlfriend to school functions? I’m not sure how to act if he does? he doesn’t go to her son’s school activities?