Weird situation!


#1

General Background:
Had child in highschool
Child is now 7
I am married (4 years) now with 3 year old from marriage

7 y/o’s father has visitation every other weekend, every other Thursday and every Sunday…

He is recently divorced from a 1 year marriage
for the past year he has been apart of our family, he joined in on family vacations, we had dinner together often and pretty much anything concerning our 7 y/r’s activities were done as a family. He has been wonderful with her, a perfect dad. My children (both of them) have been very close to him and he has always been inclusive with both children…

OVERNIGHT:
He got a girlfriend
She spend EVERYNIGHT/DAY at his house. 7 y/o started to complain about never seeing daddy, and the new house not being “theirs” anymore. I expressed my concern, telling him that I thought the new girlfriends was wonderful, but 7 y/o has said “this” and wants some time with just daddy. He blamed this on me, telling me that I was jealous.
I let this go, however he has been partying quite extensively even when she is visiting to the point of including her in “games” (she doesn’t drink, but gets to play), driving after parties with her. (I got DSS involved because of this)

PROBLEM AT HAND:
by consent order (and for our daughters safety) I am supposed to keep him up to date on her progress in school, any major happinings in her life and so forth. He refuses to acknowledge any information I try to give him about medicine, her getting beat up on the bus (ie look for bruises, take pics when she gets to his house), her big state testing next week so he has her in bed at a decent hour…etc.
tonight he came to pick her up, she walked out the door with out even looking at him! She calmy whispered to me that she did not want to go because his girlfriend was not going to be there. This concerns me, What exactly is going on over there? I told her that she would have a good time with daddy. She started to cry and he yelled at her, giving her to the count of three to get in the car and then squeeled out of the driveway! he is extremely good at manipulation and overcoming the law. I don’t know is DSS is going to be able to corner him. Did I do the right thing by encouraging her to go?
I have done everything right down to apologizing for what ever I did that was so devastating to him ( I don’t actually know), I have asked him, he won’t answer.
I just want to do what is best for my baby, Please offer advice!

EEB


#2

I have an ex who is quite a manipulator as well. The best advice I can give you is this…WRITE IT ALL DOWN. Keep a journal of everything said between you and the ex and anything your daughter says and every little detail of anything that happens. It is your best weapon against a lying manipulator that constantly tries to twist things around in their favor. The best defense against manipulation, lies and deceit is honesty and written proof. The sad part is that if you have a custody/visitation agreement you pretty much have to encourage your child to go visit her dad. And I know it breaks your heart to have your child upset but if the child does not go your ex can take you to court for violating any visitation agreement you may have. Encourage honest, open discussion with your child about what is going on. When the lines of communication are kept open and honest between you and your child no amount of manipulation can be used successfully by your ex.
And by all means don’t feel guilty, you don’t have the problem. if your ex is manipulative you will never change them but if you are open honest and forthcoming with your child, they will recognize that. Children are very smart and usually end up recognizing the real deal. Good luck, I know it hard!


#3

Not sure what to do about some of it other than to keep listening, write stuff down in a journal with date and time, and keep the lines of communication open with your daughter.

However, as for the keeping him informed of news, do you have an email address for him? If so, I’d email those updates to him and keep the copy of whatever you sent, plus any response he might make.