Father and Girlfriend

North Carolina Divorce Law Divorce and Separation Answers
1

My daughter’s father and I, are not together anymore. It’s been over a yr since he has seen us both. He refusing to have anything to do with us. Going back to court to do DNA since he didn’t stick with agreement.

My questions are this.

I went to his house on father’s day so he could see our daughter. His oldest son slams the door in our face. I walk across the street to his girlfriends house, (who by the way is married too). I ask her to have him come out so he can see her for a few minutes. He said, NO, go home to your husband. That if I didn’t leave he was calling 911 on me.

  1. Was I in the wrong for doing that? Could he have called the police on me, if that wasn’t his house?

I told his girlfriend that it wouldn’t be wise of him to do that. The military would find out he has a report on him as well and he would get in trouble for sleeping (again) with a married women. She blew up and told me this.

I did a back ground check on you. Yes, you do have a clean record, but I know you like to get people in trouble for trespassing. I said to her, what? I have never done that. She said your ex husband? I said no, I don’t know what you are talking about? She said then I guess it was your neighbor. I said I don’t know.

  1. Why would she do a back ground check on me? What gives her the right to even do that?

I have the gult feeling he is going to be with her (her husband makes really great money) and they are going to try to take my daughter away from me. My daughter is only 20 months old. He hasn’t been in her life since she was almost 6 months old.

  1. Can this happen? If he has refused and told so many people that she is not his (but he knows 100% she is, he is only protecting his military career retirement) can he take her away from me?

  2. If I have been trying to get him to see her, also call or email him to let him know what is going on with her, also told him what the Dr’s need from him, but yet he won’t do it, can he really take her from me?

We went to court in May for DNA. His attoreny requested that we wait until he retires in Dec 09 to proceed, so he doesn’t get in trouble with the military for lying about him being the father, etc. The child support division came to me and asked me if they pay $$$$$ a month, will I hold off until Dec? I said NO, that the Dr’s have been waiting for a thelemessia test work up from him since she was 8 months old. Military won’t help, unless there is a DNA done. I want the test, I don’t care about the support. Child support said, Okay we will do it this way, Support and he has 30 days to have the test done and her Dr with the results. I said, okay.
Well he pulled a fast one, and said that he had that test done 13 yrs ago and that his attorney has the copy. I said NO, her Dr wants this test done now, things can change from 13 yrs ago and also how do we know if it even the test the Dr’s ordered. Well he never got the test done, so we are back into court come July 17th. My question is this.

  1. If I’m trying my best to do everything right, and he is refusing to do anything that a father should do. Would he get custody of her? If so, how?

  2. Why would he pay over 900.00 a month in support, if he is not the father? (so he says, but he told his attorney he is the father)

  3. Should I just stop trying to get him to see her, and just let it be?

  4. I can’t afford an attorney at all, I am going to try and handle all this on my own. Is that possible?.

2

You have no obligation to facilitate visitation in this manner. If you are asked to leave someone’s home you should, prior to them calling the police.
As for the background check, these days its easy enough to research people on the internet, and there is nothing illegal about it.
As for your child, it does not sound like he has any interest in taking her away from you as he refuses to even see her. In any event if he does file a custody action his behavior since your child’s birth is inconsistent with that of a good father.
If he has no interest in seeing the child there is nothing you can do to force him to.

3

With what is going on, I have a question.

I got a letter from his attorney today in the mail. This is what it says.

Dear Child support Enforcement:

  I apologize for sending you this information when I understand full well that you do not represent Ms. ***** regarding information enclosed in this letter. However, I am uncomfortable sending Ms****** anything directly and would simply ask that you make note of the conduct and forward the information on to her, who I understand has remarried and now go by the name ******

  Ms. *******who has been making numerous phone calls to Mr, ***** work and his command along with her emails to Mr, *******, has now taken to following Mr,********. On Sunday, June 21st she went to his home looking for him and then proceeded to go to other homes including his ex-wife and neighbor's homes.

 Ms.****** should be aware that this constitutes harassment and stalking, and Mr.********* is considering pursuing a civil NO-Contact Order against her.
 We would ask that she cease any communication and contact with Mr.******, his family, and his work: also that she not contact any friends or neighbors. It is my understanding that she was out with the child looking for Mr.****** at aprroximately 9:30pm on Sunday, June 21, 2009.

Now with this said,

I was invited to his ex wifes house with my daughter to hang out a bit, since we are good friends. He lives down the street from her. His ex asked if i was going to take my daughter to see her father on father’s day. Yes, June 21st was father’s day.

Well after leaving her home, I went over to his. He wasn’t home. I went across the street to his married (girlfriends) house, who did call me and said that if i needed anything, All i had to do was call or come by.

He didn’t want to come to his front door to see his daughter, so i walked over to her house. Not knowing he was there. She invited me to come up and also to come in, but I didn’t do that. I stayed out on the front porch and asked if she would just see if he would come out to see his daughter. She said she had a talk with him before and won’t right because of his military career.

Well she walked in and I waited outside. I started to walk to my truck until she finally came out. She said he didn’t want to see her and I need to go home to my husband.

I don’t understand how me being friends with his ex wife and his current girlfriend asking me to call or come over anytime has anything to do with me trying to see if he wants to see his daughter, especially on Father’s Day.

I haven’t spoken to this man in person, in months. I’ve called his house but have left messages on his machine that we need to talk about Alyssa. (either it being what the Dr order, her being really sick, seeing her, etc). I don’t call his work. I did one time to let him know what type of test needed to be done for the Dr and this was at the beginning of May.

How can one walk in and lie so much? How can I defend myself in his lies? His ex wife said she will come to court and tell the judge what happened. That she did invited us over to her house. And also that she made it clear to him that she did.

How did I go wrong by trying to be a good parent and try to keep the father up to date with what is going on? How can his attorney do this, when in fact she is the one who wrote a few of North Carolina laws when it comes to children?
[b]Wanna explain that to me?

Men/Women are always saying they don’t get to see their children because that other parent won’t allow it. I have always tried to get him to see his daughter, but he won’t. He throws up the military in it. Why is that?

Sorry about all this. [/b]

4

I would suggest you simply stay away from him and from where he lives. He doesn’t seem to want to be involved in the child’s life and you have gone above and beyond to accommodate that. Save yourself the trouble and stay away from him.