I’m in the same boat you are–not quite as bad but it’s coming. I provide daycare for my kids every day 8am-6pm, and yet I pay my ex wife $433 a month daycare, which she doesn’t need, and won’t return. So, I’m filing a motion in court. You can too. I agree that the court system is somehow in the punishment mode for anyone with a penis–men are all sex-starved family-leaving pigs, but no one wants to hear WHY we left, that doesn’t count. So, you have to think and act like your ex wife. YOU HAVE TO. Did you know that you might be eligible for the same social services? Have you asked? Why is it OK for her to have food stamps but you can’t?
You probably made the same mistakes I made. Somehow, you felt that if you did the right thing–give her the house, allow for increases every month, provide daycare money, etc. that she would see you are acting on behalf of your kids and somehow give you a break, right? And that the kids should not have to see the ugly side of divorce. The truth is, I doubt your wife gave you any credit–in fact, like mine, she counted on your kindness and guilt and watched you hang yourself. I wish there was more I could tell you. YOU MUST BEGIN TO REALIZE THAT YOU ARE IN THIS TOTALLY ALONE AND THE ONLY ONE WHO YOU CAN COUNT ON IS YOU.
My husband went through this for years with his ex-wife. The daycare thing, him working two jobs while she went to school full time to “make a better life” for the kids. Well, the better life ended up her with a degree and not wanting to work and the kids were with us, because that’s where they wanted to be, but somehow we were still paying her child support even though they were with us more. My advice to you…GAIN KNOWLEDGE…CONSULT WITH AN ATTORNEY…STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS, and don’t doubt yourself if you are a good father. The courts recognize this, attornies recognize this. Joint custody is more and more prevelant these days, and if you file a motion to modify custody, mediation is required to be the first step. She’d have to prove that it wouldn’t be good for the kids. Let her play the “victim”, she’ll hang herself in the long run with that act. Sounds like you really do want what’s best for your kids. If you think it would be good for them, fight for at least joint physical custody - 1 week with you, 1 week with her. You’d be surprised how well this can work. And, if they’re with you more, the child support calculators take this into account, so that you are able to provide for your children when they’re with you. That’s what it comes down to…making a home for your children when they’re with you too. Persevere! If you’re on this board, you’re headed in the right direction. I have found it so helpful…wish I had found it years ago. Just remember, sometimes not spending the money for a good attorney costs you more in the long run. Good luck to you!
Thanks guys,
I did make an appointment this a.m. with a lawyer. I hope to give the court a chance to see what is taking place and hopefully make a decision in the name of what is right.
If I recall the larger portion of the money I am paying is earmarked for child care, of which she has never used one penny for that purpose. This in my opinion is the greatest injustice of all. How can they not police this??? Another great injustice is the issue of exemptions on tax returns. How can this be justified when she has no tax liabilities?? She actually rakes in about 2 and a half grand a year for no reason, I view it as getting more of my money, not to mention it would be fraudulent for me to do such a thing I’m sure.
Then there is custody…
My greatest fear is that my daughter will not forgive me for taking this action. I know that she wants desperately for things to be different, but I sense that if she were to be faced with voicing an opinion in any one direction, she would be betraying the other. She is certainly at an age to show her preferences, and very mature with her opinions.
I really grasp desperately for understanding. I have worked the same company for 25 years. I built a house for my family. I gave my all to help make hopes and dreams come true for all around me. Now I suffer the pain and humiliation of bankruptcy, not to mention the stereotyping…
What is also deeply disturbing is that this woman has been rewarded for being manipulilative and malicious. I will not use this forum to attack someone, for everyone makes mistakes in life… but this person made cold calculated decisions along the course of marriage and this process… and she has been rewarded.
I need for something to change because I cannot let my daughter see my frustration every time we are faced with these instances. (Mom not giving in to more time together… )
I can only hope this time that my choice in legal representation will result in what is truly best for the KIDS as well as a check mark in the column of something that is right in this screwed up world.
I’m going through a similar situation but first you got take yourself to a place in your heart and mind and understand that you can’t controll what she does and the courts outcome but you can controll what you do. Now, The NC laws are somewhat weird but without knowing your case I take it you didn’t fight for joint custody, WHY,(understand this) most men get upset because they gotta pay and don’t understand why, well let me tell you why! we all love our children(men) but we end up fight the moms in court trying to stop them from getting all the money, and more than likley the courts sees that but we act just like them trying to defend why should we pay. and most mom can prove that teh father haven’t been in their kids life since seperation and the fathers tell on themselves in court the first thing they say “She won’t let me see my child”(which is bull****), if you really wanted to see your child nothing could stop you and you will be going to court no worring about the money the only thing you should worry about is not being a part time father but a full time daddy. money don’t make you a daddy. and if you keep on doing right by your kids the courts will notice it and if you really wanted to do right by your kids you will ask for joint custody so you can see them regularly not just on the weekend.bottom line is if we can go into court as Daddys instead of Fathers then things just might change for us, My son calls me Daddy. my definition os daddy is, a man who whips his kids ■■■ when needed, hugs his kids all the time,know when, what,where, and how his kids are doing everyday and doing whatever he can do. A father to me is a financial supporter. and trust me your child doknow the difference.
I know by reading these posts and each situation, you only get a fraction of the real story.
I know that for most people, hindsight can be very close to 20/20.
In my case, I would most likely do the same thing again. My children were young, and I built the house from the ground up with my own two hands. You know as well as anyone, I could not force her to leave.I had to decide if I wanted to uproot my children and make them suffer for something they had nothing to do with. I felt an enormous burden to protect them from this ugly monster that had befallen our family.
As for money, I have paid this for 7 years and allowed it to destroy me financially without complaint. I felt this was the sacrifice that I am supposed to make, or at least when I inquired during my consultations, this is the way it is. I do not regret taking responsibility financially for my kids in any way, but contrary to what my posts may percieve, I am no fool. I see the injustice. I feel I could better serve my children with some of this money to invest in their future or even enjoy spending on them myself.
I certainly have felt enough guilt for the decision of not pursuing equal time, but heartfelt decisions at any given time can be difficult at best.
Is there a right way for everyone involved??
Dads,
Stay in for the fight, If there is one thing that I can look in the mirror for, it’s knowing that I will not give up…I’m not the one who had 80+ Days last year on fake buisness trips, filed a false DV order because her boyfriend impregnated her with twins, wow , just got the results back yesterday…I’m relieved.I guess his AOA/CC just took a hit…One thing I do is that I have always coached my boys sports and will continue to do so, I get those extra days with them when they are at their mom’s that week and it helps…I know she hates me for suing him, and the other guy but I do appreciate the opportunity to still be there for them.As my great friend and lawyer says " I have four months left until the divorce…Hopefully we will work out custody in mediation but I’m here for court and will not let them down.
You would think, she was really embarrassed on the news the other night, him too…
All I want is to play catch with my boys, and teach them how to be grill masters and help them with their homework…
Find a real woman who can make brownies and I’m set…
Greetings. Did I miss your question? This is a long post, filled with the frustration that you are feeling from the situation you are dealing with. Please let me know the exact question and we will get it answered. Thanks
Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax
301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax
1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.
I feel I have been a model father since being divorced 7 years now. I have made all of my legal decisions based on (at any given time)what I feel is best for my children. Is this wrong. My convictions about how far I should go to provide for my kids has ultimately led to financial suicide. One of two things happened here, either the child support laws of north carolina are so grossly unbalanced or I was grossly misrepresented. I have paid 750.00 per month on top of annual increases in child care premiums. My ex hasnt worked for 4 yrs by her own choice. She has used her single mom victim status to reach every available social program available…medicaid,free school lunches,DSS, and so on. I have begged her each year to allow me to claim the children as exemptions so I can have some relief to catch up on debts accrued due to the burden with no favorable results. I have recently entered into bankruptcy due to finally being overwhelmed by the financial burden… Is this really the result the state and local enforcers wish to accomplish with the guidelines that are in place. I felt that my ex was somewhat fair before she adopted the philosophy that single mothers are victims and are more than entitled to everthing they can get. This doesnt even cover custody issues. We can talk all day about “Control” My life is still a living hell because even my father/daughter relationship struggles due to extreme control coming from the other party.
I need to know that there is hope for the true fathers who dedicate their life and sacrifice next to everything for the sanctity of their children and yet fall prey to the greed that is cultivated
through these “guidelines”.
I will always do the right thing because I love my children dearly even if it means living in less than desirable conditions. My goal since divorcing has always been to provide a home such as they get from their mother, with a room of their own. I did not want them think of Dad’s as disney weekends. As it turned out, this goal was met only with the help of credit, but depletion of this option has become imiment.
I plead for any glimmer of legal hope. All I want is to have the means to be the father I want to be.