Fighting a false allegation of domestic violence

I will try to be as brief as possible, Last year, June 2013 I was falsely accused of domestic violence, had one Lawyer but I still got the short straw. My wife lied in the stand, fabricated one piece of alleged evidence, being a 4"x4" (Internet) picture of a bruise used the standard “I am afraid of him” and some tears.

As such I have a restraining order against me until August sometime. After the hearing her then lawyer and mine talked and I was allowed to have our children (3) to stay every other weekend with me. CPS/DHHR/DSS (Union county, north Carolina) were not involved, which until this day I wonder about since she told the court I was a threat to her and our 3 children.
I am a permanent resident (wanting to become Citizen before all this happened and still am) and have lived here for over 13 years and have a still a hard time with this all.
It keeps on nagging me, the question, can this still be fought?

I have not been a threat to her or my children at any time and the whole things started merely because one night I put our youngest back in her bed, which the wife did not like and she became very upset (understatement). We argued and at a point I left because she had pushed me, kept arguing and at I point I felt no longer safe in the same room with her. I locked myself up in our bedroom to keep her away from me. She was acting all strange and crazy. She even tried to force her way into our bedroom, I had the door locked and needed to use a stepstool ladder to put it under the door knob to prevent her from coming in that night. I was scared and had no idea what just happened. (some co-workers and friends told me later I should have called 911 , but I was numb)

My wife did get worse over time, when we exchanged the children or when she called me on my then cell phone, always starting nice but when I said that we would not be in this situation had you not made those false allegation against me… poof she turned from nice to the worst person I had ever seen, calling me names even in front of our children and more threats.

She called me cell phone on m, I was not to get in touch with her, only if it was for the children and only via email or sms/txt. The above is as short as I can make it… I have until this day no idea what happened, she was the aggressor but I was the one who did get a restraining order against me?! ???

The back then Judge said even in court after having heard us both that " had any other judge sat in his chair (and he was sitting in such a chair for 32 years) they would have told my wife HOW DARE YOU COME IN THIS COURT AND MAKE THESE ACCUSATIONS… but… you guessed, he FELT he had to go with my wife’s story… FELT ? This on a accusation and an internet picture not showing who, where or what and our oldest told me even that my wife did not have any bruises the day or days after the alleged D.V happened.

I have lost everything by now and gained a lot of debt, but I want to somehow fight for our children, even though I am pretty much homeless, have no job.

I also did make at a certain point in time a bad and highly emotional decision and left the US. This was after my wife had many more mood swings and threatened to financially take me to the cleaners. She was telling me about all the things she was going to make me pay for in a hateful way, after she had called me again, first starting out all nice but… I have no idea where it is all coming from and feel as if I am living a so called Doctor Phil Episode and I want out. I did not ask to be but in this situation, nor have our wonderful children.

While outside the US, I called the school principle of our oldest who has been always very kind, friendly and understanding, I did found out from him that only a few weeks ago (January 2014) that the wife’s Lawyer has also filled something called an emergency custody order or something to that effect against me, and as such the principal has to run everything thru my wife. ? My wife knows from day one where I have been staying, as such does her Lawyer but I have never been send any paperwork about this. I called the Monroe Court in Union county, spoke with a nice clerk, who told me they had send it to the wrong place. Again WHY? both my wife and her Lawyer know where I am staying I have never made a secret of this. I have send letters to our children with my address and inside same with even a phone number and email. So what is she playing here or should I say what is her Lawyer playing here?

Again, I still “care” very much for my wife even knowing she has commited Identity fraud, getting a credit card in my name, she stole a IRS Tax refund check of $ 3200 somewhat dollars, (I had filed for Injured spouse return for me as wife has a big student loan she still needs to pay back and as such the IRS kept our joint tax return) Her Lawyer told her to just deposit the check via an ATM, write for DEPOSIT only and transferred immediately the money into her account…
My wife told me that her lawyer had said, well you need money to eat and for bills? So this is LEGAL? A Lawyer can say or hint his/her client to commit an act of civil crime? I was told by the IRS they could not do anything but that I could file a Civil case against her. I don’t want to BUT if I add all the things up with what she has gotten away with in the past and still is… I have been a Model resident, husband, dad/father/employee and people can tell you this.

I have lived a life where as long as I went with the flow, did say, do or think what my wife wanted me to… all was just fine, BUT if I thought differently, had an opposed opinion, or said something she did wanted to hear… oh my I was in trouble and all H… LL would brake loose. If all was fine she could brag to the outside world, coming from Holland, I can cook, clean, sow, anything, have an accent which she no longer hears and envies others that do. Also, my wife has told me on occasion that I should sugar coat things when I say something, her feelings get hurt so easily. She has also told me that she is a control freak, (her own words) and that she doesn’t like confrontations. I do not get any of this, she is the one always getting mean and curses if a talk or question turns into an argument. She always needs to win and needs to be always right. I don’t. I have often wondered if one does not like confrontations, why argue? When all is nice and almost perfect it is / was beautiful but for some reason this was short lived as the next day or sometime even the same day anything would reason to spark and for her to go off, on an rampage of sorts. I never have understood this and still don’t. I just know it is not right. My wife has even suggested herself to start using safety words IF we were to get in an argument… ??? and if things would get worse go get marriage counseling… I said yes when she suggested it and the few times we did get almost in an argument she said no so go figure… Above is a long story and I am sure there is more to it as the eye meets.

As always, and this is just me, had people, Lawyers stayed out of this all or suggested counseling we might have been fine, I will never know now.
I know when a person starts a Lie, they feel they need to keep it up or loose face and more. I am a simple man/father, have heart of gold as we say, even now whit all the heartache I have and I know our children have, I can hear It over the phone when IF we speak, I can hear the joy of our children when we talk and the sadness when we have to say goodbye. I do not understand any of this as I would never do anything like this to my wife. Never. I would never do anything like this to our children. You can imagine that I miss coming home to OUR house to OUR Family, spend time with OUR children. I pray every day, still hoping for something good to happen. That is who I am, always giving to other people, have always been there with unconditional love to be thrown out as a pair of old slippers, that is how it feels.

I know when I get back I will need to find a job ASAP, a place to stay a cheap used car so I can go to work make money and little payments to the wife for our children.

(I have made a PayPal transfer a few times and in the beginning when I still had no place to stay (I slept a month at work under my desk once I was served the restraining order, now money for a hotel) I transferred grocery money to the wife as she was a stay at home mom.

Our 3 children miss me, (Our youngest of 5 still thinks I am living in my old apartment in Charlotte) I have send them a package with a birthday presents, the youngest turned 5 on April 9th, 2014. I hate to have missed this more as can ever be put in words. She loved her presents from daddy. As said my wife has cut all contact with me and our children (3 girls age 5-8-11) are no longer allowed to email, Skype or call me at there convenience as they could before, with the exception of me giving them a call on Friday evening 7-PM, (which Fridays was our Family Night, Pizza and a Movie, popcorn…)

Our house was in foreclosure and by now most likely has been auctioned and I have no idea if they, my wife and children are now homeless or not because of all this in a facebook char with our Neighbor T.B who expressed her fear they will be homeless. Both my wife and I will have poor credit now and it will take most likely until 2020 before that can be cleaned up if ever at all. All because false allegations of domestic violence? It is so sad.

I know this all says it is a NC Divorce Forum and divorce is not there yet, as North Carolina (NC) Law says one needs to be separated for one year before one can file divorce.

If she wants a divorce she can have it, she has EVERYTHING else as I left her with everything I had.

I still love the woman (or the image of the woman) I fell in love with, by now 14-15 years ago, and I always will, I love our children with all of my heart and want to do the right thing and be part of their lives, I know they full heartily want this as much as do I or even more!

I have wanted our children from even before we conceived them and always have, always will.

I have been a good husband, father and provider until it was all taken away that one night in June, 2013 a night she will remember for the rest of her life as on June 4th is when her birthday is.

I have done a lot of reading on another forum called [ ncfathers dot wordpress dotcom ] and I am in AWE and so sad to put it in one word that it appears I stand no chance to fight this. I wish my wife and I would be on speaking terms without Lawyers and settle things the proper way without going In another financial hole.

I know much more will come my way when she files for divorce, (which after reading so much on that forum seems D.V to be what woman use as a tool, even use our children not caring about them, only for the outside world.)

IF there is any such person or place that is not corrupt, does care, does not asks me a lot of money (have currently none) where does one go?

Can I still win fight this false DV charge OR is it as on that web forum called [ ncfathers dot wordpress dot com is it a helpless cause?

I am asking for HELP and guidance (information) here if there is any.

Our Children should (have) come first always, I WANT to be SUPER DAD as I always have been. Just Ask our children and they will tell you that I am the best dad in the world, in the universe and that they love me very much.

I am looking forward to any feedback and response. I hope I did not offend anyone or said anything wrong inhere, if so my sincere apologies, maybe something got lost in the translation, if so I apologize…

Sincerely & respectfully,


Without knowing all the specifics of your case, it is difficult to advise whether a motion addressing the protective order would be beneficial. You should have a consultation with an attorney where the order is on file to review the complaint, order and discuss the hearing to determine whether you have a valid reason to file a motion to set aside the order or have the court reconsider its ruling.

As for the custody issues, it sounds like you have a pending custody case, but that you need to get involved with it. I would start by obtaining a full copy of the court file so you can know what has been filed in your absence, file an answer to the complaint if you haven’t done so already, and file a counterclaim for custody so that you can calendar a hearing and get visitation including reasonable telephone contact restored.

As it relates to the house, if the bank foreclosed on you, there should be a foreclosure file. You may need to file a claim for equitable distribution to deal with the distribution of the remaining marital assets. At that point, you could address the credit card she opened in your name without your consent.