I also suggest recording conversations. I would also find someone to talk to. A friend…someone who is concered about you and will be on “your side” so to speak. Make sure that this person can understand the legal stuff and will also be able to testify to her behavior and treatment of you.
If you feel that your children are being alienated from you, you can seek custody. Though you may not want to do this, I suggest that if you are intending to separate, you make her aware of this in writing, make arrangements for your finacial responsibilities and that you leave the home. Have a friend help you move so that there is at least one other person there. Have the friend bring a camera or recorder, in case something gets said or done that could be brought back up later. Once you leave the home, do NOT go back for any reason. If you are picking up or dropping off your children, do not park in the driveway, stay on the street. Do not put yourself in the position of looking guilty of spousal abuse. My suggestion of leaving the home is to make things easier on you. If leaving the home is not an option and you do not intend to separate, you should at least seek counseling. The courts will not normally talk to the children in a spousal abuse hearing or custody hearing.
Get together a list of people that you could call to testify on your behalf. Maybe someone who is there for children. Someone who has insight into your interactions with your spouse and the children. A neighbor that may have witness some of these arguements…a relative that is around frequently or who has witnessed her behavior over the years…
As far as your rights…I’m not sure what you mean. You have the right not to be verbally, mentally or physically abused. You have equal right to time with your children unless there is a court order stating otherwise. You have the right to equal half the marital assets and responsible for half the marital debt if you leave.
Keep this in mind…in a disfunctional family there is always a power struggle. If you quit struggling and seek help, begin to heal, your daughters may see that things do not always have to be chaotic. Your daughters love you regardless of what they say or how they behave. They see their mother is the one in charge at this point and they are going to “side” with her. Please, try not to take this too personal. It’s not about you, it’s about their survival. They are adapting to a situation that they believe is normal. It’s your job as a sane adult to show them that this is not normal behavior and that your life can be better. Please, whatever else you do…seek counseling.