Wife's False Accusations


#1

My wife has falsely accused me and a family member of molesting our children. The allegations have continued on an on-again, off-again basis for at least five years. Earlier this year I was investigated and the case was dismissed by our local child services agency. My wife has never “allowed” me to bathe my children, change their clothes or diapers, tuck them in, etc. and I have never spent more than three hours alone with both or either of them. She maintains that if I take my children anywhere without her “permission,” she will call the police.

Recently, the allegations came to a head and I decided that I have had enough of the restrictions with my own children, and I have left my home. My wife refuses to allow me to spend time with my children, and has threatened to pursue her allegations in court.

We have very little money and a legal fight will cause us to lose our home and bankrupt me. My wife refuses counseling.

I believe my wife to be mentally ill and I have “held on” the best I could the last few years, but I have just had enough of it and now am not sure what to do.


#2

You must file for custody and or visitation in order to ensure you will be able to see your children. I strongly recommend you retain a lawyer to do so, perhaps legal aid can offer you some assistance.


#3

Sorry to hear what you have been going through.
Must have been very hard to stay in the house when facing all of these allegations.
If there was abuse going on, a normal person would not act like she did.
A normal person would move out with the kids and file for custody to protect them.
Then again, I know families where there has been sexual abuse of a kid, and the mother stayed after learning about it.

Given your situation, an argument I can see your wife using would be "I’ve been the sole caretaker of the kids all these years, so they should stay with me."
That could lead a judge to be more sympathetic to her claims that the kids should stay with her.
If you are afraid she will sue for full custody, then you need to reclaim your right to be a parent to the kids.
Feed them, buy them clothes, take them to school, take them to the doctor. Read them stories. Take them to see friends. Let other people see you interact with them.
If you are leaving, you will have to do these things anyway. The court wants to see evidence you can.
Do NOT move out without a separation agreement or having sued successfully for temporary custody of the kids. That is abandonment.

Good luck. I feel bad for your kids.


#4

I have not “moved out,” but went to stay with my dad for a few nights because my wife threatened to take the children to stay at her sister’s, who is a marginally employed alcoholic who tried to commit suicide a few years back. I do not want my children in that environment.

Now my wife is saying we are “legally separated,” that she doesn’t want me back and I CAN’T come back. No separation agreement has been discussed and no papers filed. I own the home myself (purchased before we married and never added her name to the deed).

Now I don’t know WHAT to do.


#5

You may return to the home if you have not moved out, however based on your wife’s previous false accusations, I do not recommend you do so. I would not put it past her to file for a restraining order based on false accusations.

The better approach in my opinion is to file for Equitable Distribution and include a Motion for return of separate property (your home) to have her removed.


#6

[quote=“Erin Clarey”]You may return to the home if you have not moved out, however based on your wife’s previous false accusations, I do not recommend you do so. I would not put it past her to file for a restraining order based on false accusations.

The better approach in my opinion is to file for Equitable Distribution and include a Motion for return of separate property (your home) to have her removed.[/quote]

Another attorney said my moving out was a bad move on my part and sets a precedent that will affect my custody case, and that my wife has no right to take our children from their home.

I have tried to amiably arrange two parenting times with my kids (to take them out of the home for an afternoon for a movie, etc.; another for an overnight visit with me) and my wife has refused both. Should I wait until I file custody papers to “press the issue”?


#7

I suggest you press the issue now, and file for custody immediately.