I will not comment on the legality of reporting the husband. I do not have enough knowledge of how to go about something of this nature to do so…Keep all original copies of everything you get. Hopefully an attorney will answer this one soon about the Bar Association and how to report an attorney for unethical behavior.
I will say this: Unless there is a history or claim of child abuse, there is nothing that she can do to keep you away from the children. You are allowed to go to appointments with them if they are in your care since your husband shares custody. I would not suggest going when there’s an appointment during her time…but you probably knew that. She is in contempt by keeping your husband away from the children simply because you are around. You are not in any way, shape, or form under any type of legal contract/agreement with her because she and your husband had a separation agreement. The separation agreement does not involve you.
As far as the children are concerned…do not under any circumstances allow them to see that this bothers you. You need to make sure that they know you love them, are there for them and that they will be taken care of. If this subject comes up during conversation with them, you let them know that this is NOT something that they should concern themselves with. Do not put the children in the middle any more than their mother already has. The children will eventually see that the things their mother has said are not true. Trust me…children see and understand more than we think. It’s terrible for their mother to put them in the middle and it will come back to her. Do not let her draw you into an arguement. Do not sink to the level that she has stooped to…please, for your own children’s sake.
I went through a year and 1/2 of the same type of harrassment. I looked into getting a “No Contact Order” since my husband’s ex felt the need to follow us if she happened to see us somewhere, scream, yell and curse me, threatened me with physical harm and vandalized my vehicle. I spoke with a friend of mine at the local police station who said that yes I could do that since that is considered stalking and harrassment, which is illegal in NC. I chose not to because I came to realize that since my husband and she share custody it would only make the situation more volitile and the children would see this as me taking action against their mother instead of protecting myself. Basically, what it boiled down to is did I really need this court order for her not to talk, contact, follow, harrass, touch, or in any sense, stalk me? Would it really do much good after she beat me to a pulp? To me that would be like taking a knife to a gunfight…it would be not be worth the paper it was printed on. This may be different sitaution for you and would be worth looking into.
Good Luck and keep us posted.