He won't / can't pay cs or divorce decree

If your child support is court ordered and if you are having it pulled from paychecks, the State will catch him in arrears. If you don’t have it withdrawn by the state (via his check), then you must issue a ‘show cause’ and go to court. I don’t think there is a way around that part.

As far as your credit. In MY case, I didn’t trust my ex to pay ANYTHING in both of our names, so I got the credit card debt and we negotiated a ‘fair exchange’ for that debt…I got the house free and clear. I didn’t have to buy him out. He was ALSO 12k in arrears for child support, so I had to go to court to get it automatically taken out of his check. In NC, once you have that done, the state keeps tabs on the Payor. I have been very pleased with that system and have had no problems. HE hates it, but his refusal to pay in the past was what prompted me to do this. He had MANY chances to do it right, and he chose other expenses were more important.

If you want to keep your credit good (or rebuild your credit) you’re going to have to take that debt. You can’t squeeze blood from a turnip…and he’s making himself be a turnip. I’m sorry [:(]

I have taken care of (or will with my tax refund) the final account that is dependant on him to take care of. I am now starting to rebuild my credit. I know it will take time, effort and a lot of aggrivation, but it will get taken care of. As for Child Support, we are going through the state. He was inconsistant about payment before even though we worked at the same place. I filed with the state about 2 years ago. I would love for him to have a paycheck to garnish. I have pretty much given up any “dependance” on the child support. I just feel it is so unfair for him to not live up to any of his responsibilities I have a feeling you know pretty much how I feel. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone.

You are definitely not alone. These are the times that we just have to buck up and take care of ourselves and kids. ONE DAY, he will see what he’s done (MAYBE) and what a disservice he’s done to his kids. Even a LITTLE contribution toward his kids would be better than nothing and would show that he is trying. Total ignorance of support is very sorry. I know there are always circumstances that come up, but a good daddy would communicate that and try to make up for that. In my case, golf weekends and entertainment were more important than child support. That’s why I had to take him to court.

Just keep records and one day, if you’re able to go to court, you’ll have arrears back-up. Good luck!

well, we did court on the CS today. He is in compliance now, not that I recieved any of the arrears or even a whole month’s payment. He brought the doctor’s note indicating he needs surgery before he can work. Okay fine, get the surgery and get a job… But alas, he can’t afford surgery. His court appointed attny approached me about a reduction. Logically a reduction is gonna happen, I know that, but for how long? When I asked his lawyer said after the surgery. Okay… when will that be? Has he made any appointments? The lawyer looked at my ex and asked. Nope. No appointments made. I understand the surgery is expensive and because of irresponsibility on ex’s part he doesn’t have insurance to cover the expense. What would a reasonable person do if they didn’t have insurance, no means of payment, had a back problem so severe they couldn’t work? Let’s see… sell a motorcycle, not get another puppy, give up monster truck shows? Maybe contact Social Services and see if he could get medicaid. Worst case, go to a free community medical center and talk to them about options. Am I wrong, isn’t this waht a reasonable person would do? Ohhh BTW my original question hasn’t been answered, is there some kind of statude of limitations on divorce decrees?

How long did it take to get your child support enforced and is he still responsible for arrears or has the slate been swiped clean and what county did this happened. And just a side not , don’t volunteer the reduction of child support let the courts decide that.

I would also add that your lawyer should be doing the talking to the other lawyer. I would not agree to anything without your lawyer’s advice / counsel.

FATHER: I had the same problem trying to post a new thread. Asking for antispam answer, but not providing where to give the answer. Can anyone help in that issue?

He has to not make a payment for three months before they’ll take him to court. No he didn’t get the arears swiped clean. Once an amount is owed, there is no way to effect that amount, unless it goes back to the date a reduction was filed. This is in Orange County. I am not going to agree to any reduction because he hasn’t shown any effort to seek medical assistance for his back problem. I went through the court because he wouldn’t pay voluntarily, and now I have left it in their hands to set a fair amount. I am not trying to break him, but he does need to own up to his responsibilities. As for a lawyer, I don’t have one. Child support is handled through the state. I don’t trust anything my ex says he will do so I am not making any descions without it being documented through the court.

There should have been some sort of time frame for the payment of the money he was required to pay in the divorce. If there wasn’t then you could contact the clerk in the county where the divorce decree was filed and see if this is currently an open time…Taking him back to court obviously won’t do any good from the sound of it because he hasn’t followed through with the first order. He isn’t working. Then assume that you aren’t going to get your money, assume that you are solely responsible for your son and do what needs to be done, which sounds as though you are anyway.

On a separate note about the activities and things your ex owns, just a few things to think about. My mother has severe back problems and has had 4 major back surgeries with over 70% of her spine being replaced. There aren’t a whole lot of activities that she is able to do for enjoyment, but what she can do is get as much out of what she can do. Granted, someone with back problems probably shouldn’t ride a motorcycle but that’s just my opinion. If he only has his son every other weekend, maybe he’s trying to do anything to keep him entertained.
It’s been my experience that it’s a lot easier to come up with $35 to go to a movie than it is to come up with $600 to get my car fixed. I’m not saying that it’s right, that’s just the way it is. I would let my bills wait another day so that I could enjoy my money.

This may not be any of the reasons that your ex isn’t doing what he was ordered by the court to do, and I do not want to defend a dead beat dad or a lousy person. I just wanted to make a point about making judgements and saying things like “If that were me…”. As I said, I just wanted to point out that there are a lot of reasons that people do things and you really don’t know what you would do in a situation until you are in it yourself.
Hopefully an attorney will answer about the time limits but you may try calling the clerks office also and see if they know this as well.

I get what you’re saying about the 35/600 issue. Ex has our son every weekend. I admit I’m a bit jealous over him having so much free time with our son while I have to work two jobs. And yes, Ex has back issues, I do not deny that, but he hasn’t done anything to get help for it. I also have friends who have had back surgery. Yes, it does limit activity, but isn’t there jobs where you aren’t using physical labor? In December my son had his birthday party at the Sportsplex (which I paid 100% for) and ex was using the weight machines during the party. If he is disabled then he needs to get on the ball as far as disability is concerned. He hasn’t worked in over a year. I know he wants to do fun things with our son, I would never begrudge my son any time with his dad. I know what it’s like to go through life without knowing your own father. I guess I get frustrated because it seems I’m doing all the responsible stuff (and not just monetary… grades, housekeeping, clean clothes, haircuts, doctor and dentist appointments, etc) and not getting any of the fun stuff. I have to take off work to take our son to appointments and such while ex is at home. I guess I want to hold him accountable in the only way I can, financially since getting him to make sure our son brushes his teeth, takes a bath and combs his hair is a challange for him. And maybe the lawyer can tell me what the limitations on the decree are but I will call the clerk of court.

It sounds like you have had it rough. My ex did this same sort of thing with the children from his first marriage. He was the weekend dad and everyone had a good time when they were there because there weren’t any rules or responsibility. Thing that children need. I can understand being frustrated because you are the rule maker and the steady parent who is making sure your son grows up to be a responsible well adjusted adult. Keep the big picture in mind.
Your son will possibly see that his father is not behaving as someone who has a back injury should. Children often see things that we don’t. If he is setting a bad example for your son, then hopefully your son will realize this. Take some time on your weekends to do something fun with your son. It sounds as though you need to reconnect with him so think of something that his dad wouldn’t do with him and let that be your activity. This may make you feel better also.

I don’t have a weekend with my son. Ex has him EVERY weekend. I do do spacial things when I can. My second job is a subcontracted from a major university basketball team in the area. It happens to be the team my son likes. I was able to get him into some of the non ACC games, but since I was working I couldn’t enjoy the time with him. I am pretty much working every day. My son rarely lets anything interfere with seeing his dad. I am in the process of getting married again (june 10th) My Fiance asked my son’s permission to ask me to marry him and they have a good relationship. We are building a new house and merging the two families. My son will be giving me away at the wedding. My momma thinks my son is so attached to his dad because he feels sorry for him (I have moved on and am happy) Ex has alienated everyone around him. My son is very financially concious. He has never been a “gimmie” kid. He knows the financial aspects of our life. And the tough thing to see is him taking responsibility on himself by giving up something he wants in order to make up for his father’s irresponsibility. I am not going to let the financial stuff color my relationship with my son. Whever I can I do stuff just for/with him. He is appreciative and moody at the same time (gotta love teenagers). We talk open and honest about stuff and have a good relationship. The only obstical right now is my ex not paying child support or settling up on the divorce decree.

I think all single/divorced parents go through feeling that way. It even affects the new spouse when you remarry. My ex has paid a total of $175 in the 2.5 years since we’ve been apart towards the children. I never asked him for child support, because I don’t want him to feel entitled to spending time with the children - he’s a very unhealthy person with a personality disorder, so the less contact, the better. That doesn’t stop him from calling when he gets a whim, and my 5yo leaps to be able to talk to him. Despite his drug/alcohol addictions and lack of his own residence since I’ve ever known him, the kids don’t know that. And, when the kids get upset or get in trouble, it’s “I want my REAL Daddy”… it hurts my new husband’s feelings, too, because they haven’t even seen the slacker in two years but he’s still on their mind when things aren’t going the way they want at home. But, as I tell my husband, it’s short-term versus long-term. They’ll see, in time, who was really there for them, and who provided for them. Taking them to Chucky Cheese & all that fun stuff isn’t as lasting as the true bonding you get with your children, taking care of them when they’re sick & running their project to school becaus they left it at home… Those are the things they won’t be able to thank you for because they will take them for granted until they are much much older, but you will reap the benefits by raising well-adjusted, loving children.
I have to remind myself and my husband of that when a box of gifts shows up randomly in the mail from BioDad, and the girls go crazy with joy, but the same little girls don’t thank us, their real parents, when we buy them little gifts on a weekly basis…

Dear trbotina:

Greetings. You need to file a motion to show cause against him. You can find examples of a Motion to Show Cause by looking at the Wake County Local Rules on www.nccourts.org. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

My ex and I were divorced in August 2006. In the divorce order he is required to pay me 300 some odd dollars for misc expenses related to our son, to pay a credit card in my name that was used by him, pay the dentist/orthadontist. He hasn’t lived up to any of his responsibilities set forth in the divorce decree. I didn’t go for any equity in the house or materials that weren’t mine throughout the 11 year marriage. I just wanted my son and I out. The only thing I am holing him accountable for is expenses related to our son. He took about a year to get the house refinanced (in his momma’s name b/c his credit had gotten so bad) All the while my name was on the mortgage. He refuses to pay for the credit card (1400.00) in my name. My credit rating has dropped by over 200 points (it was 722, last I checked it was 520). I have made arraingements to pay the credit card off to prevent any further decline in my credit. I recently recieved a notice that the one active credit card I do have has raised my intrest rates to over 30%. We are in the middle of court about the cs (he is over 5500.00 in arrears). He is not working. Apparently there is something wrong with his leg/back. He claims he has tried to get disabaility. His momma has the house in her name. I cannot afford to take him to court right now. In his estimation I am “out to get him”. He currently owns a motorcycle, boat (which has gotten severly run down), and a pick up truck. He is unable to pay the smallest in child support, but he is consistantly able to take our son to monster truck shows and movies, once he even took our then 12 year old to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. He hasn’t missed any visitation, nor have I witheld visitation (he has our son on weekends). I make just over 26500.00 per year working two jobs. That is barely enough to make ends meet. What should be my next step? I do not want to procrastinate and then have some kind of statude of limitations to run out.