The court does not have jurisdiction to deal with custody of the children until they are born, however there is no reason that you cannot negotiate an agreement now and execute is after the child is born.
You can agree not to take any child support, however, unless the parental rights are terminated that can be changed in the future. If you are ever in a position where you seek public assistance, the state will pursue child support as compensation for the benefits that you receive.
In order for his parental rights to be terminated this would need to go through the courts, it cannot be through an agreement between the two of you.
P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit radio.rosen.com for details
Helena M. Nevicosi
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I had posted earlier but things have changed a bit. I am separated as is the man that I have been involved with for 11 months. I am expecting a baby (possibly babies) in April. I realize that he is very confused, as am I. But he did agree verbally and in instant messaging to waive all parental rights and I agreed to waive all rights this child would have for financial support from him. Now I am understanding that the law breaks things down differently than what he and I thought. Is it correct that financial support cannot be waived while parental rights can be? Is it just a matter of the language of an agreement between he & I (ie; rather than me waiving his rights to financial support, it would need to say parental responsibilities)? Also, is this something that we could prior to the birth? I would really like to have a sense of calm in everyone’s lives and be able to plan the future as much as possible and am unable to at this time because of the uncertainty of this situation. Also the state (from what I understand) indicates that in the ‘extreme disinterest’ someone could file to have rights terminated, what classifies as ‘extreme disinterest’? I would gladly go that route and then just never approach him for support on my own if that was the big issue. My concern is that although he is a 39 year old man, he is very easily influenced by his parents and is greatly concerned about what other people think rather than what he thinks or feels. That is why he has been willing to do this. He is waivering on doing this now because of what others will think of him, which is the reason he was willing to do it in the first place. I do not want him involved if it is only b/c of what others will think. But I also would not prevent a true involvement with the child(ren). My biggest concern is that he would come along at another time, influenced by others and want to take custody or shared custody after being absent and ‘extremely disinterested’. We both have other children and I would like to keep things calm and stable for all of them and believe that if he is going to be a part of this child(ren)'s life (lives) that he needs to make choices now. Is there a way that I can push for a decision from him prior to the birth? He has acknowledged the paternity and his responsibility in multiple emails, chats and text messages. Would I have a better chance of long term in retaining full custody if that was what I request now rather than termination of his rights? I realize that custody situations can be ammended at anytime, but if he agreed to it now and had no interest in the child(ren)'s life (lives) for some time, wouldn’t that be considered in any court case. Also when the child(ren) are born and my legal husband (we are separated) states that he is not the father, I have no issues with agreeing to that and giving the name of the biological father. How does his name end up on the b.c. and my STBX’s come off of it. I do not object to this man being a part of his child’s life, I just need some direction, clarity and stability for all concerned.
Due to a recent health emergency of one of my other children, I really feel that I need to get some of this lined up now, as the time that I may or may not have in the future is very questionable. Also, what weight if any does the biological father’s desire to abort the baby have on his rights and or custody of the child? (some people will get petty when they think that the world is looking on and judging them and I want to avoid that).
Thanks so much, my apology for the sort of duplicate post, but the situation has changed drastically since the first post and other issues such as custody and support vs responsibilities have come up.