Help, I feel hopeless


#1

I forgot to add, my husband has talked about alimony and child support before and he has said that is someone divorced him, he would go and live with his parents and quit his job, and work for money under the table (for example have his parents pay him cash for work), and make it look like he is living with his parents with no income so no court can tell hom what to do. He currently makes close to 100k. I know he will take care of our child but he has said he will not allow a woman to get anything from him. All I want to do is live a modest but comfortable life- I want to be able to work and make my bills and have medical insurance and anything my daughter needs and be able to save for retirement. When I left work to be stay at home mom I planned to have several children and stay with them until they were all in elemtary school. Then go back and work a supplementary job anyway.

So 1- can my husband take my daughter far out of town or can a judge tell him he can’t leave this area with her if I ask for that?
2- How can I stop his family from pulling something dirty like the above (helping him look like he has no income and letting him stay with them for free).

I hope it does not come to divorce but I have been crying and miserable a lot lately, and am getting depressed and unhappy and starting to be angry with him for his demands and lack of affection and criticism. I don’t want my child to see him patronize me and to see my crying and depressed. And can I get a restraining order forcing his family to stay out of it? That makes it way too unbalanced and unfair for me, as my family can’t be there for me to help at all. His family has a lot more money anyway. Well, I want them to understand that money cannot buy everything and it cannot take my daughter away.


#2

I have been married almost 4 years. Several years ago when I first married I had a good job with good benefits and wouldn’t be so worried. I was laid off from my company, and the company continues to layoff to this day so there is no chance of going back to my old job, and it is impossible to find a job above minimum wage in this market, I didn’t complete my college degree. Right when I was laid off I found out I wss pregnant, and gave birth to the JOY of my life. I love my child SO much, I decided to stay home, and my child is now. We have made it ok but things are tight with one income.

Ever since the pregnancy, which we both wanted, my husband and I have been having problems. He pressures me for sex and treats me very coldly when he doesn’t get it, and makes me cry. Since having the baby I am so exhausted that at the end of the day I am tired, and my husband comes swooping home and bothers me for sex without even showing me any affection. He doesn’t hug me, or tell me goodnight. He sure does criticize me though, he can find time to do that. I cry a lot, and am depressed. I have wanted to leave him but I feel like I can’t. I asked him to move out and told him I would never claim he abandoned me. He told me no, he wasn’t going anywhere, I could leave but I was going to leave our child with him. NO WAY will I leave my child. Ever. For any reason. I have NO money to move out with her, he controls the finances since I am a stay at home mom and have no income of my own.

Worse, his family has a lot of money. He doesn’t have to worry–they can give him a lot, and they are nosey enough just to do that. They will butt in, and they will help him get the best lawyers, and they will give him money under the table too, to help him or just so he can have extras. My family can’t give me anything, my dad is in poor health and they have had debt and to reverse mortgage their home, so I will not have an inheritance at all. So if I try to go through with leaving my husband, I am thoroughly disadvantaged and he knows this. Part of the problem in the first place is how his family butts in.

One more thing I am worried about, if I do leave I will get a job and then have to put my daughter in daycare. I am sure joint custody will be awarded but I am very fearful that my husband at his family’s encouraging will do whatever he can to get primary custody of our child, and this will devastate and ruin me. Also, even if he gets the usual “every other weekend” I believe that on his weekends he will take my daughter 3 and a half hours away to his family each time and I am so worried that something will happen to her. Would a court ever order that he has to stay within our home vicinity and not take our daughter to the other side of the state without me going too? Especially because she is so young. Another thing I am worried about is that he tries to get her not to be so attached to me, he already tries to take her away from me and take her 3-4 hours away to see his family with him. They live at the beach and he wants to take her out in a boat, and he can’t swim. Also he wants to drive her around taking her to see a lot of people and I don’t think he has any business having a 2 year old out on the road that much to see people who are not family and not anything to her.

Please help as I am depressed. I can’t take my daughter to stay with my parents while we get this worked out because they have pets in the house and she is allergic. Please tell me if I can separate from my husband without him taking my daughter, and what can I do if he tries to get primary custody? My daughter is my entire world, we are very close, and she is the light of my life. I would do anything for her except I don’t want him and his family to try to take her away from me as much as possible she is so young. Can a judge make him stay in this area? I want for his parents to come HERE to see her, and they are welcome anytime. I will worry to death if my husband does what he wants to and removes her from me and takes her there as much as he can. THEY are welcome here at any time.