Help my credit nightmare


I am currently separated but do not have a separation agreement yet. Now that I am on my own I am starting to find out that most of the loans we had that my husband said he was taking care of in fact he has failed to pay on most over the past several months. Due to this I now have a very low credit score and have debt all over the place that somehow he feels since he no longer lives in the home that he does not have to deal with and now I am lewft with bad credit and many bills that he not only did not pay when I gave him money to pay but he has spent the money on other things and I have no idea what. I assume I need to see some type of credit councelor to seek protection from many now looking at me to pay off the debt that I do not have the money to do so. I cant even refinance our home now since he has ruined my credit and now I am locked into a high interest rate and he has no interest at all in paying or even helping to pay yet our three kids live in the home. Any suggestions please. I have no idea how to move forward and find a way to start building my credit back without his name on anything or a way for him to get access to run the bill up. I am opoen to any and all suggestions. I am working to get a separation agreement together but right now the financial picture scares me and with just my income I cannot last. Of course he has a job but has no money which is why he chose to pay nothing other than charge and lie all of the time. Thanks to all replies and advice.


You should contact some of the creditors and find out if any of them are willing to work with you. Have his name removed from any accounts that you can. Let them know the situation and that you are doing what you can. If these are credit cards, you need to set up with a credit counselor so that the bills are consolidated and you only have one payment. There are a couple that I found on line several years ago when I was having finacial issues like this. Do your homework though. The one that I signed on with did not report to the credit bureau and all the bills still came to me. The only difference was that I paid the company and they had the interest rates lowered and they paid the companies. This improved my credit because though all the accounts were closed, they were being paid. Since the home would be in both names, he is ruining his credit also…
Stop expecting your stbx to live up to his responsibilities, because it sounds as though he’s not going to do it. If there has been and increase in these since the date you separated, that would be considered separate debt in court.

File for child support with DSS if he is not helping you at all. Since you have no separation agreement, I don’t think they can go back to when the separaion started but they can at least go foward and get him to pay support. You should take a little money and consult with an attorney. You may be entitled to alimony if he makes considerably more than you do. You may be thinking that you can’t afford an attorney, but in most difficult divorces, you can’t afford NOT to have one.


Before you speak with anyone, you need to gather all your information on debts, how much is owed, how far behind, etc. Pull all three of your credit reports. You can do this for free once a year or anytime you are denied credit.

You can see a credit counselor, but be wary. There are a lot of scam artists out there. Personally, I would see a bankruptcy atty as well for a consultation - it doesn’t cost much.

Every situation is different - both financially and personally. I don’t think anyone can tell you what is right for you exactly. I can share with you my experience, though.

I separated with two small children. I had the kids, the house and all the bills. Truthfully, if my ex paid his child support and the second mortage as agreed (which he didn’t), I could only afford the house if there were no emergencies. I sure tried though. I went through my small savings and all my 401k trying to do it. My house ended up in foreclosure though.

I owned my home for 10 years. It was were my children were born and the only home they knew. I was proud of owning my home.

I didn’t have a lot of debt, but I ended up filing for bankruptcy to protect myself from the deficiencies on the mortgages and a car. My ex left with a car that was jointly financed. He had his elderly mother help him purchase a brand new car and let ours be resposessed.

I thought that I would not be able to purchase anthing for at least 10 years if I was foreclosed on or filed bankruptcy. That just isn’t the case though. If I had it to do over, I would have walked away from the house in the beginning.

I would have been able to rent a house or apartment that I could afford. I would have saved myself two years of stress trying to keep all the financial balls in the air. I could have focused on my children instead of money. I could have worked on improving my credit after the bankruptcy, still have my 401k and could have purchased a home that I could afford on my own in just two years.

I felt like a failure for losing my home and filing bankruptcy. I was ashamed. When I went to bankruptcy court - there were a lot of people in the same boat though and you see in the news everyday that all kinds of people are in foreclosure. You are not alone.

I know you are going through a lot right now and maybe you want to just not deal with it at times. Waiting to deal with credit and finances is the worst thing you can do, though. It will just get worse.

In my case, I should have sucked up my pride and walked away from the house. It would have been the best thing for me and my children. That may or may not be true for you.

What seems like the worst thing to happen to you may just be the best thing, though. Try to look for opportunities in all of this.

Best of luck!


The first thing you should do is pull your credit report to find out exactly what is out there. I would also recommend that you place a fraud alert on your credit to ensure your spouse does not attempt to open any new accounts in your name.
The laws in North Carolina entitle you to an Equitable Distribution of the martial estate, which includes the allocation of debt. Given the facts presented I think filing an action for Equitable Distribution is the next necessary step. Your spouse has walked out on all responsibility and you will likely need the court’s assistance in getting him to own up to his responsibilities.
A court can order that he pay down some of these debts, or alternatively, if the debts are in your sole name, to pay you a monthly amount to be used towards the martial debt service.
You will also need to make a claim for child support. Your spouse has an obligation to provide financial assistance to you for the benefit of the children.
I strongly suggest you meet with an attorney who specializes in family law in the near future to pursue these issues.