I am sorry to hear of the problems that you are going through. You definately have some thinking to do and better yet some planning.
With out trust you will never have a secure marriage. The way you explained it your husband is trying to put the guilt on you. He may be the man of the house but he isn’t acting like much of one.
You need to decide if you can forgive the cheating. If you can you need to get into couples counseling. If he is unwilling that is a pretty good sign that he is not truely sorry and probably will cheat again.
You also need to realize that if he continues to cheat you are at risk for any number of diseases. I would recommend a doctors visit to make sure you are ok.
If you decide to leave you should start planning before you do and contact an attorney for advice. You need to address issues before you leave such as the house etc.
If you are going to seperate do it now. If you forgive the cheating and move on with your marriage you will not be able to use legally to your benefit.
In my experience with a cheating spouse, if you forgive and try to forget, they know they can get away with it and do it again. You will probably never be able to trust him again, even if you want to. I went through the couples counseling and disease checks, and finally just got fed up. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. Don’t allow it. Leaving will be one of the hardest things you ever do, but you’ll get your self-worth back, which takes a tremendous beating from being married to a cheater. Good luck.
i have been with my husband for 17 years. we met young. we are now both in our late 30’s. for the most part it has been a happy marriage. we have our ups and downs, but i have loved him with every fiber of my being.
the last couple of years i have some questions about his behavior. i always felt we were one. we did everything together. and we enjoyed one another. we were best friends. but like i said, the last couple years he has been very secretive. when i ask him about things he says i am paranoid. i admit i am a bit jealous. i did leave for a couple days last year, when i got back, he promised things would change. and for a while things were better.
he got a new job last october. he doesnt have set hours. he does alot of work out of the area, that takes him away for days. he always calls me when he gets there.
this past week he went away for 3 days. he always goes with other workers. he called as usual when he got there and said he would call when they got back to the motel room after diner. well 10:30 came, so i called him on his cell. i called for 3 hours. when he finally answered he said he was in the other guys room playing chess.
i was obviously upset (as i had a small emergency and needed to get a hold of him)when he returned home, i was still mad. he admitted to me that he was not in the other room, but that they all had gone out to some bar, were the music was very loud and there was wall to wall people. he heard his cell ringing but didnt want to answer. he said that i would get mad at him with all the music and people in the backround. thats the story he gives anyway.
now our fight escaladed, and i insisted on knowing what had gone on last summer.(i always knew it was something, but he would never say what)
well~ he told me. he went to a prostitute for oral sex. it killed me. i cant even put into words what i feel. but then his story changes. i just got so enraged. i think he was trying to worm his way out of his confession. first like i said it was a hooker, then it wasnt. first he said it was on his way to work in his car, then it was in an alley, then it was in his work vehicle.
he said it was the one and only time he cheated. but do i believe that?
today~ after a night of fighting and crying. he had enough.he told me “to get over it”, “he is the man of the house and he wont have this” he said he didnt cheat, just said “i am what you say i am” ( i guess trying to say, that i was on his back for so long that he gave me what i wanted to hear) i dont believe that!he wants things back to normal and forget that this happened.that it happened over a year ago, and he has changed and would never do that again. just a side note here. the last few months he has been having troube achieving and maintaining an errection.
i also might tell you that my husband was brought up in a very rural town. he very much a country boy.he has changed since this new job. he listens to diffrent modern music. (before he listened to hank williams sr kind of music) he dresses diffrent. he traded his old pickup truck for a honda civic.his friend have changed.
i dont know what to think of him.i cant trust him anymore. should i leave?i am thinking so. however, i am a housewife with no job. i have worked before, i can do it again. it is just going to take a while before i get the money together to go out on my own.
please i could use advice, i have no one to talk to.