Need some advice soon


Dear Janet,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I think that you have some tough decisions to make. It sounds like your husband has not decided what he wants to do and wants “have his cake…” I think you may end up in a much worse situation, both emotionally and legally if you continue to allow him to come back and forth. One way or another, you have to decide if you want to remain married or not. If you feel he is not trustworthy, then perhaps the separation agreement, and a real separation are what is needed. You’ve indicated that he has lied to you repeatedly, but you are worried about confronting him. It sounds like he’s counting on that being your weakness, and will continue his confusing behavior until you put your foot down.

My advice is that you talk to a counselor about your emotional issues, and hopefully that person can help you figure out what you really want and need.

Good luck!

Shonnese D. Stanback
The Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 200
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.256.1534 direct voice
919.256.1667 direct fax
919.787.6668 main voice
919.787.6361 main fax

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


I have a couple of posts here at the forum. 2 in Legal Issues and now this second one in Emotional Issues. It may help to reply to read my other posts, but please respond even if you can’t. Here is my dilema.

After being accused by me of having an Affair, my Husband leaves 10 days later. After 40 days of separation he returns to live with me. We decide to put our house on the market with the intentions of moving back to where we came from. Then more than 2 months later he moves out again. Two weeks after that he presents me with a Separation agreement. After seeking a lawyer I sign it. I do this because I know his Affair still continues.

He continues to keep in touch with me with phone calls and visits. We even went out for dinner together a few times. One of the things we both knew he would do even before we got to the separation agreement is…He was going to go to the state we would move to and try to secure a job. Also that he would come back here if he didn’t.

The week prior to him leaving he came around more and more and seemed like his “old self.” Friendly and loving, and quite affectionate to me. He acted like nothing ever happened. Started talking future about us. Getting an apartment up North and stuff like that.

The day he was leaving he came over in the morning and ended up spending the whole day with me. We had dinner and worked in the yard just like nothing had happened. So before he left I felt that I must clarify the messages he was giving me. I asked him specifically if Divorce was no longer a topic and if he returned here if he intended to live with me. He said no Divorce and yes he would be living with me.

I know he is still calling the other woman as I have been left to pay his bills. His cell bill shows he called her twice the morning after he left here. Like at 12:24 am and 2:47 am. Sweet guy he’s not. He left at 6:30 pm for a 12 hour drive North. He does not know I know this yet.

My problem is he is talking about coming back home and looking for a job here. I don’t know how to approach this at all. He has left twice already and I don’t like being lied to. He has admitted to being with her and can’t give me a reason why or why he continues.

I don’t want to pretend I don’t suspect anything. How do I approach him without sounding accusing. Or do I have to play the Cat and Mouse game again ?

Please shed some light. Thanks.