I'm losing it


Dear loleis:

Greetings. First, in North Carolina, although the divorce takes one year, dealing with alimony, child support, child custody, and equitable distribution can happen even before the date of separation.

Your spouse cannot “give” you custody. Both of you have equal rights to the children until an agreement occurs or a judge makes orders on custody.

You need to consult an attorney to clearly understand what can happen now in the next couple of days and weeks, not one year from now. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


This may be lengthy so I apologize before hand. My last post made me sound weak. Which in essence I am. I have been dependent on someone for 8 years and have raised three children with. We moved here from Florida last summer. If I was still in Florida the divorce procedure might be a little easier. My husband has given me an option. Leave everything behind. I do not think that this is fair. We have tried counseling a couple of times and each counselor he feels is making assumptions TOO SOON! My problem is the procedure here leaves someone out. I do not have a husband that is going to give up custody much less partial custody. He believes the home to be broken, but claims it is all my fault. If we are not fighting, he believes me to be the best mom in the world. But ask him on an off day and I do not deserve to have children. His belief is that if you have children you stay together no matter what. I believe that he just cannot give up control over me. In the past couple of months we have gotten into some almost physical fights. He has thrown a fist at my face, but not hit me. He has pressed his face hard into mine, and I pushed him back. when I did this he started yelling get your hands off of me, you can’t hit me (we had family downstairs hearing the whole thing…but not seeing) He has threatened to ruin my life forever, as I stated before he has screwed my credit up. I should take full responsibility for my own credit, however, He has always paid the bills. I have never sat down and wrote out checks, he does all of this. Well in December I woke up to realize that one of my vehicles was gone. Come to find out it had been reposessed. When I asked him how late the payment is his reply was you should know. I didn’t. I don’t keep track of these things. Then he blames the whole thing on me, saying I could have paid the bill, but I didn’t know it was late. Anyways. I feel trapped and I feel there is no place for me. I have gotten to the point that maybe i will just leave and leave the kids here with him and try to start over, and explain to them later in life. My heart is broken and I know that I am not thinking clearly, because I have no outlet. I have lived a certain way for many years, and now I will be forced into living with nothing. The main point of my concern is. I have to be away from him for a year in order to obtain a divorce. I am left to figure this mess out for a year before I can get my life back on track. He has said that if we go to mediation or anything like that he will only agree to that which benefits him. So i am left giving in on all accounts. I do not think that I should have to sacrifice my children or they should have to sacrifice me, but there is no one to tell us what to do unless we go to court a year from now. Is there anyway around the one year separation thing? Is there no resource that I can obtain for free. I am lost and very scared. I do not think that I should get everything. In fact I think that we should share rights to the kids equally. He however will not agree to this. Please Help