Just beginning the process

After 26 years of marriage, we have decided to call it quits. We both earnestly still love each other but the marriage has run it’s due course. We tried an intense multi-day counseling session back in June, took off the rough spots but as is usually the case, this was a slow moving log jam that finally burst. This is one of those “death by a thousand cuts” instances. There is no particular malice felt between us and we are hoping to do this as amicably as possible. We were married in another state and relocated to NC in mid 2019.

I am the husband and father of all three of our adult children, two of which still live with us (20 and 18) and the third child (24) with a fiance plans to relocate here in spring and live with us temporarily. I have been the primary bread-winner for all these years, though my wife has held a few part time jobs over the years. She now has a pretty good job that she’s had for about 3 months or so, works about 32 hours, sometimes more. I’d say she has the potential to earn more than me in this job as they can earn substantial commission and bonuses, but her role is not deeply into the sales, more of a “back of the house” role. She could earn more but I doubt she really will as it’s not about the money for her. We have not yet discussed the details together, but I have put together our assets and liabilities with a suggested equitable distribution. We have not yet discussed spousal support or alimony. I honestly feel we can come up with an agreeable solution without going to court. However, I don’t make enough to support two separate households and she doesn’t make enough to support herself yet either. As such, I don’t know what is fair given all of our spending is comingled, no separate accounts. I really do want to be fair and I do believe she will not become vindictive, but I may be too optimistic.

The plan that we have both have tentatively agreed to informally is that I will keep the house where our children will continue to live until they decide to move out. Our middle son is in an apprenticeship where he works and goes to school. Our youngest daughter is out of school and is currently just working, might go to college but unsure. In any case, I will be the primary provider for them. Overall we have a very good family dynamic.

Just yesterday I found this website and see they offer a “DIY Divorce for $995” which seems like could be a good option for us as we do plan to work together to make this as painless as possible for the both of us. I assume that since the firm is not representing either of us, we can both use this service jointly, correct? I will most likely be the primary user and do the lion’s share of the work.

Overall, we are both just sick over what this has become and do want what is best for each other, just not together. Just posting this publicly makes me feel a bit nauseas. Any advice is welcome.

The Rosen Online service is $199/month and it gives you access to a library of forms, instructional videos and workbooks, and communication with a lawyer in order to represent yourself in a separation and divorce.

You could use the Rosen Online service to divide the marital assets, calculate alimony, and prepare a separation agreement to present to your wife. If you have questions, you can ask a lawyer as you go.

Also check our free Webinars. The NC Divorce Legal Webinar is presented live a few times a month and is a great starting point when thinking about a separation and divorce. The webinar will go through each of the main parts of a divorce and will point out things to watch for and ways to protect yourself in a separation and divorce.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.