I found out my wife was having an affair after a hunch I had. I caught her in 2011 in one and she admitted to it, we went to counseling and I thought it was in the past. This affair has been on and off for about 7 years (started after she was caught in the first one) and she informed me this morning our 3rd child might not be mine and could be his. Needless to say I’m devastated but for now I need advice. I have been unemployed by choice for the last year and a half to help assist with my parents (father has Alzheimer’s and is in a facility and my mom has dementia and has been told by the doctors not to drive and just needs help on a daily basis). Ever since the first affair, it’s been difficult to be intimate with my wife on a regular basis but I’m trying. Can she say that I haven’t fulfilled her needs as an excuse for the affairs and use that against me? Is the statute of limitations for her encounters past? I’m at a loss and just looking for advice. Thanks.
No, your wife cannot say that you have not fulfilled her needs as an excuse for the affairs and use it against you.
There is a statute of limitations, however, in your case, the past affair that you knew about would be considered condoned by you because you went to therapy and remained married and together, so you would not be able to use that affair as a basis moving forward.
However, the affair that you just found out about you can use to help you in a separation and divorce case. If you believe she will be continuing to see the paramour, then you could hire a PI to gather the evidence that you need to prove she is having an affair during the marriage. In addition to PI evidence, you would need text/phone call records, hotel receipts if they exist, email/Facebook messages, etc.
If you can prove that your wife had an affair during the marriage that you did not condone, then you could be awarded alimony from her if she is considered the supporting spouse and you are considered the dependent spouse and you could also sue the paramour for alienation of affection and criminal conversation.
For more information on alienation of affection and criminal conversation, take a look at our article Infidelity and Alienation of Affection.
Also, we offer two free Webinars, Divorce Legal and 50 Divorce Tips in 50 Minutes, that you may find very helpful. These webinars will give you lots of information about the separation and divorce process and they are presented multiple times a week.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
Would her admission be evidence enough or would I really need to hire the PI to get more information. I know there were Facebook messages through the messenger because that’s how I originally found out but they disappeared quickly after I saw them.
Thank you for the response. Would her admission to the affair be any advantage for meor would the other proof be needed?
The admission would help, but she could refute it, especially if it was an oral admission. It’s always best to have as much evidence as you can get.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
I’m not sure what evidence I can gather now except oral admission and maybe phone records because I’ve confronted her about it. I don’t have the funds to hire a PI. I’ve thought about “spying” on her phone and trying to get messages and other social media conversations but I’m sure they are long gone. I guess I could go ahead and do a private paternity test on my child and show her the proof if it comes out that I’m not his father to have that at least but after reading that sentence, I can not believe I’m even in the situation.