Marrying a military man


#1

HMMM…how bout just not getting married if you believe that it will end up in divorce or annulment. It is a lot more expensive and bothersome to get divorced than it is to get married. If you are already asking about annulment BEFORE you are even married, then there must definitely be a lot of doubt about whether you truly are in love with this guy and believe you can spend the rest of your life with him. Plus, from what I’ve read here, it is terribly hard to get an annulment. Good luck!


#2

gosh, i agree w/ AP…is seems very sad/suspicious that you are asking now about annulments and divorce. Are you really ready to be married? Are you rushing this because he is being deployed? Look, I don’t know where you stand w/ religion but marriage is a committment - not a date that you can break. Why not wait out his deployment which will probably be 6 mos to 1 year and just keep in touch via e-mail and letters and see if this relationship pans out - that way you’ll know if you have what it takes to be a military wife. It would be awful for him to go through an annulment or divorce while he is deployed or when he returns - have some compassion and maturity.


#3

I am inclined to agree. These men are already making such a sacrifice and it’s nothing but a slap in the face for their wife to ditch them. My brothers ex cheated on him while he was gone and the day he came home, THE DAY, she left. What a welcome home that was for him. I suggest you not get married because it is clear that you are NOT ready.


#4

I agree with all these replies. I was married to a military man. He was sent over-seas for 18 months when we first got married. when you LOVE someone it is something that you look past in order to stay with the person you love. You simply not sure if you can be a military wife… then you are simply not sure if you love him. Easy as that. If you truly loved the man, there would be no doubt whatsoever that you could make it as a military wife. Regardless of what sacrafices they have or haven’t made (Because trust me, lots of them don’t make any sacrafices even when they do go over seas) absense makes the heart grow STRONGER…but that only works when you actually love the person in the first place. Think about that before you marry him. Also, living in a military town my entire life, it’s VERY VERY hard to get an anulmant while the husband is overseas unless it’s a VERY VERY good reason. The military government will usually tell you to hold your horses until he comes back then file for divorce. Alot of couples get married right before military go off just so they can get that bigger pay check. (Military get paid a lot more for being married and being overseas than not being married). Military supports marriage financially, but as for understanding situations and giving you sympathy for an anulmant or divorce…don’t hold your breath. The United States Marine Corps gave me hell when I filed for divorce. I actually ended up having to wait until my husband was OUT of the military before I could even get anywhere with it.

Amanda Lentz EMT-B
Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center
Emergency Communications


#5

Dear mshafferty:

Greetings. How do you marry someone that is deployed? Yes, you can divorce him while he is active duty, but I highly doubt you will be eligible for an annulment. There is no time period for annulment.

The grounds for an annulment in NC are as follows:

If one or both of the parties is under the age of 18 when they were married;
If the parties are related by blood to a degree closer than 1st cousins;
If either one of the parties was incompetent to marry at the time they were married (for example, mentally incompetent);
If one of the parties is impotent; or
If one of the parties commited fraud (for example, Husband and Wife got married b/c Wife told Husband she was pregnant, and she wasn’t.)

Good luck - and when in doubt, don’t do it.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#6

Need some guidance and information about getting an annulment. Marriage took place in December 2007. Have taken his name off bills and documents. He left me penny less, with no job or vehicle. Plus the threat of losing my apartment and utilities being disconnected. Ruined checking and one credit card. Where do I go from here. I just want out before he can do any more damage. He suffers from a drug addiction and gambling. The drugs has affected his sexual performance. He makes empty promises to himself as well as to me. Then there is the theft and the lies. He always wants to know “who am I doing”. Past relations were unfaithful. So there is no true trust. Have never been unfaithful to anyone. Why on earth would I want start now, and especially with someone that I love. Love him I do. But I can not help him. He does not think that he has a problem. So it is time to let him go and hopefully get the help he needs. But I can not continue with this marriage if it is only true to one of us. Hope you can direct me as to what to do. Thank You for indulgence.

Jo-anne Buck Hildreth


#7
quote:
[i]Originally posted by mshafferty[/i] [br]I am merely trying to protect myself and would like some information. Just in case i find i am unable to handle military life.

I was active duty military for just over 13 years and my stbx was military as well.

My recommendation from personal experience (and professional, as a military paralegal who worked in a legal assistance office and saw alot of these situations)

If you are worried or not sure… just live together/date for at least 1 year with deployments involved, beome involved with the Family Support Group AND use the resources available on-post through ACS or the Chaplain’s Office and participate in ALL the pre-marital counseling you can. There are ALOT of factors that you will have to possibly deal with other than separation. I have dealt with a spouse with PTSD and Survivor’s Syndrome and it hurt us ALOT.

Take or leave my advice, that is for you to decide… but DO NOT go into this situation unsure.


#8

I don’t think you qualify for an annulment.

The grounds for an annulment in NC are as follows:

-If one or both of the parties is under the age of 18 when they were married;
-If the parties are related by blood to a degree closer than 1st cousins;
-If either one of the parties was incompetent to marry at the time they were married (for example, mentally incompetent);
-If one of the parties is impotent; or
-If one of the parties commited fraud (for example, Husband and Wife got married b/c Wife told Husband she was pregnant, and she wasn’t.)

I dont’ think drug related impotence qualifies.


#9

Based on your post it does not sounds like you would qualify for an annulment. At this point you should look into obtaining an absolute divorce.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit radio.rosen.com for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Sutton Station
5826 Fayetteville Rd. Suite 205
Durham, NC 27713
Phone: (919) 321-0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#10

I am going to marry a military man in 2 weeks who is being deployed.
I would like to know what the window is for and anulment. And what grounds for anulmant? I am merely trying to protect myself and would like some information. Just in case i find i am unable to handle military life. I have been married before for 10 years and did not protect myself. Could i divorce him while he is active?
Time wise how long do i have?