Mediation taking FOREVER...Why?


#1

My marriage of 28 years ended last Feb. when my husband told me he no longer wanted to be married. He refused counseling saying he "no longer wanted the responsibility of marriage and a relationship…told me he “didn’t want a mate but just wanted to date”. I was a stay at home mother at the time and due to the economy still have not found a job. I was also diagnosed with a neurological brain disorder a few months before that, something he was aware of before his announcement and his departure. He left last Sept. 10th, closed our joint bank accts. and is keeping his $4,000 a month pension and his salary of $6,400 a month to himself. Our daughter is a freshman in college and he gives her $50 a week to live off. Thank goodness she was able to get student loans that are deferred or she would be home working full-time instead of in college.

My husband warned me before he left that if I hired an attorney it would “get ugly” and believe me it has. The combination of his ‘starving me out’ since last Sept. and my health issues and the fact that mediation keeps being delayed by him and his attorney, have put me in the E.R. twice. The stress of being abandoned both mentally, emotionally, and financially is sometimes just too much to bear. My credit was also ruined when he ceased supporting me while his has remained intact. We own a home, a beach condo, and a business but it is his desire that he keep it all. I am living in the house we shared together and he is making the payments on it while it is on the market…that he says is all he is willing to do and I “should be very happy about that”.

My father who is 79 and retired is doing his best to support me while I continue to wait for mediation which I was told is mandatory in N.C. We will have been separated a year on Sept. 10th and I have waiting on mediation since last Nov. I would like to know IF there is light at the end of the tunnel? WILL mediation happen before Sept. 10th and does he have to split his income with me or does he have the right to do what he is doing? My atty. and I put together a very reasonable proposal a month ago where I asked for his total pension for 15 yrs. and left him the business and did not ask for alimony…so far no word on whether he accepted it. I asked that we keep the house on the mkt and divide the proceeds once it sells and I asked for the beach property of which I would make the pmts. I was thinking if it appreciates I can sell it in the future and use the money to add to whatever my soc. sec. is after the 15 years of receiving his pension ends.

If anyone can offer me hope it would be greatly appreciated. All my atty. says is that we will get to mediation when my husband’s atty. has the time and when the judge who is going to mediate has the time. In the meantime I have days where I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. Thank you. :frowning:


#2

If anyone can offer me hope it would be greatly appreciated. All my atty. says is that we will get to mediation when my husband’s atty. has the time and when the judge who is going to mediate has the time. In the meantime I have days where I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. Thank you.
There is no reason that you should be drowning in debt and having to depend on your father to support you while your spouse has adequate income. Your attorney should have filed a claim on your behalf for alimony and post-separation support and set that matter for hearing pending mediation. You should be awarded more than your spouse simply covering the mortgage to protect his own credit!
I recommend you let your attorney know you need support now, and a hearing for post-separation support needs to be put on the calendar to ensure you have adequate subsistence while the case is pending. Mediation does not have to take place before temporary hearings; these hearings are set up to ensure people in your situation have the support they need to get by.


#3

I will email my atty right now and ask him to schedule this hearing. I cannot help but wonder why he hasn’t done this already as he is fully aware of my financial situation. This will be the only way I can continue to hold out for the mediation. Can you answer one more question for me please? Does the N.C. law require that mediation be held before our year of separation is up which would be Sept. 10th? That would make sense…thank you very much.


#4

There is no requirement that the mediation take place before the anniversary of your date of separation.


#5

JUST HOW LONG CAN ONE BE FORCED TO WAIT FOR MEDIATION? JUST HOW LONG CAN ME AND MY DAUGHTER BE MADE TO WAIT FOR SOME KIND OF FINANCIAL SUPPORT FROM THIS SORRY EXCUSE OF A MAN WHILE WE WAIT FOR MEDIATION? THE ONLY THING MY ATTORNEY EVER SAYS IS THE JUDGE THAT IS BEING ASKED TO ATTEND OUR MEDIATION AND MY HUSBAND’S ATTORNEY ARE BOTH VERY BUSY. I AM ON THE VERGE OF FIRING MY ATTORNEY AND GETTING A LOAN FROM MY FATHER AND HIRING A NEW ATTORNEY. ONE THAT IS AGGRESSIVE AND WILLING TO FIGHT FOR ME AND MY DAUGHTER AS I AM LOSING MY CONFIDENCE IN HIM ON A DAILY BASIS. THIS IS WHAT GIVES OTHER ATTORNEYS A BAD NAME.


#6

I do not understand why your lawyer didn’t file for spousal support immediately when your husband left. I don’t care WHAT his threats were to you, you are legally allowed to file for support. He can’t just stop paying for the mortgage…AND that amount of money MAY be considered your ‘support’ as far as the courts go. If your child is over 18, unfortunately, he is no longer financially responsible for her.

If he has a business and other property, then hell yes…you have 1/2 rights to that. I know it’s emotionally stressing, but you have to fight fire with fire. If you are not satisfied with your lawyer…get a new one. But keep in mind that courts and schedules can get busy-but continuous delays shouldn’t be tolerated.


#7

…remember I am receiving any financial support from my husband. My attorney told me last week that he his trying to get a mediation date that the judge and my husband and his attorney both agree to…but I have been hearing that since last Nov.

My husband does pay the mortgage so maybe they are all considering that as my post separation support…I just assumed he was paying it because it’s in his name. I am so confused about what is fair, right, wrong, and legal, and this has been dragging on for so long that I just wish a bus would hit me and put me out of my misery. Life isn’t fun anymore…nothing matters when you’re being held ‘hostage’ by so many people that don’t give a crap about you but just want their way.