My wife is now telling my children Im gay


I still am in the home with my stbxw. She now is telling my children I am gay and I have no idea who else. I live in a small town and this will spread like crazy and will ruin any reputation I have. I am not gay never have been and Ive been married 20 years plus with two kids…never have I cheated on here and I do not want a divorce…but it is heading that way quick…how can i stop her from saying these things…If this lie gets out it could cost me my job.


Slander is a crime. If you have written or recorded proof, you could charge her with liable. It is a crime to make false statements about someone’s character.


Sadly, there is little that you can do to keep her from saying nasty things about you and even lying. The thing that you must count on is that the people that truly know you, will know that this is not true. Yes, you can sue her for slander if she spreads this rumor with the intention of costing you your job, or damaging your reputation. I also live in a small town, and my ex tried to make our breakup my fault, and tried to make me sound like a gold digger. It turned out that I never needed to defend myself against malicious intent for this because no one that I cared about believed him. They had been there through all the years and knew that this was not the case.
If your children are old enough, you may try sitting down to talk with them about this. Let them know that this is not true. Don’t say, “Mom lied”, just that the statement is not true. How you present things can sometimes make the difference and children have a way of figuring out things for themselves far better than we give them credit for most of the time.

I suggest that you disclose to your boss that your are going through a ugly separation and that there may be things that are heard around the “water cooler”, ask that any rumors that potentially could affect your job be discussed with you. Keep it professional but make sure that your direct supervisor is aware of what’s going on.
It may be uncomfortable to discuss but that is easier than explaining after the fact. If your supervisor or boss knows that this is your situation, he/she may be more sympathetic to issues that may come up…like court dates…


Wow, sounds like my house. My stbx was gay too. I actually caught him with another man. He said he wanted to change but he didn’t try very hard. It was very sad because we had a great marriage and good in bed until I caught him.