Question about Alienation of Affection


#1

Dear ILMG:

Greetings. You need to amend your interrogatories immediately. You can talk to your attorney about pleading the fifth amendment, as you may have committed a crime.

She gets to sue you because our law has made marriage a sacred and holy union, which if the parties can hold onto, the law will protect.

Now, the lesson for you now is to live with integrity and make a right decision that you can live with for the rest of your life and pray that things will work out for your benefit.

Finally, you do not want to go to jail for this, so tell the truth, even if it is painful. Not what you wanted to hear, but what you needed to hear.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney at Law
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
NCDivorce.com
919-787-6668

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#2

Thanks for responding but I still don’t understand and I have a couple of more questions before I have to admit to my attorney how I lied, I am so embarrassed. The plaintiff’s husband told me he’d take up for me and lie for me if the wife sued me, and now he’s backing out and being Mr. Good Samaritan and admitting that the affair continued and that I told him to hurry up and get separated. Can’t I sue him for something? I mean, he’s the one who lied in the first place. I thought I was covering my bases when I told him to hurry up and get separated. If she had agreed to separate from him when he asked her to, which she did not, wouldn’t it have been OK for me to keep seeing him?
She really thinks she’s got one on me because all this happened when her Dad died, and her husband wasn’t there for her when her Dad died because he was at my house and it was CHristmas and she didn’t know where he was. To me it seems like any jury would think that she needs to grow up and stop crying and stand on her own two feet and stop being such a baby and depending on Daddy and Hubby to be there for he. Also she has some sort of heart problem and was so upset about the affair that she had to go into the hospital. Why is that my problem? I don’t even know her, I don’t owe her anything. Like I said if she can’t hang on to her own husband, that’s not my problem.
Also I am worried about something, can I get in trouble with my ex husband for letting a married man stay in my house and buy me and my son Christmas presents and letting him talk to him on the phone all the time?
I don’t know how I got into all this mess. When I first started seeing this liar he told me he wasn’t married, and since his job is associated with famous people I got all this attention and it was really cool that this rich guy who is kind of famous was coming to see me after only knowing me a week. I thought that if he got separated asap, none of my friends would ever have to find out he was married when I met him and that would save me some embarrassment, but was I wrong. Do you think the jury will see me as a money hungry homewrecker since he has sort of a famous job, because he’s not a very good looking guy and I think that will play against me.
I still don’t understand why I just can’t say I was a sounding board for the marriage and a marriage counselor and stuff like that, because yes he called me and we talked like 10 times a day but neither one of us recorded the conversations so I don’t understand why I can’t just say I was doing counseling all that time. I had my attorney believing it and everything. Oh also - to try to cover all my bases, I told the wife that I didn’t want anything to do with her husband and that he was stalking me and wouldn’t leave me alone. Now that she has the phone bills she can see we talked for hours every day. Does that make me look bad? I was hoping that the wife would divorce him for irreconcilable differences instead of adultery if she thought I didn’t want him, and that would get me off the hook for alienation of affection. Obviously that didn’t work. I just don’t know what to do. Also if I change my answers like you said, can I say that he’s crazy and it’s all his fault? Because I tried to say she was crazy when I answered the first time, but actually he’s the crazy one because he had a big nervous breakdown over all this mess when everyone found out he had an affair and he almost lost his job and now he has to get psychiatric treatment. There was also a jail incident involved. When his wife found out I was lying to her about him stalking me and that we were still talking all the time and planning a future together, she confronted him with me on the phone and he beat her up right in front of the kid with me on the phone. Now she thinks that is my fault. He went to jail and everything. She told me that night that she was going to sue me so the next day I wrote an email to her and asked her and him both to please stop using me as a sounding board and I thought that would get me off the hook, so when she sued me, I showed it to my attorney but I didn’t show him the really mean response she sent me. I thought this would be over long before now. I’m so glad I can ask these things anonymously before opening up to my attorney and asking him these things. I guess it’s time the truth comes out. I feel like the biggest idiot in the world and I’m sure i look like an even bigger idiot. If I had known all this was going to happen, I would have stopped talking to him when I found out he was married. I guess at the time I was worried about being embarrassed so alL I wanted was for him to hurry up and get divorced and I didn’t even consider the wife at all since I had never met her. Plus they live in another state so I didn’t think i could get sued. I am really embarrassed now. I guess all that attention of dating sort of a famous and rich guy really didn’t pay off in the end. Thank you for allowing me to ask these questions. I feel so dumb. I really thought I could get by with lying to my attorney and get this thing over with. As an attorney, would you have believed it if someone told you they had an affair with a guy and then became the marriage counselor?


#3

Dear ILMG:

I will not read all of this second post, as it is outside the scope of this forum. I read long client e-mails, but not posts. I will gladly answer posts of reasonable length and any questions. If you want to “piece meal” your questions, you are more likely to get a response. I did read the first two lines and the last two and here is my response to those:

Of course the married husband/boyfriend is not going to lie for you, that is perjury (a serious crime which carries fines and possible jail time). In court he will look like a hurt, sorry puppy and you will look like a mad, spurned girlfriend who is lying. Tell the truth now.

As an attorney, I believe my clients and tell them that if they lie to me, they are only hurting themselves. Lies come out in the wash (in court). If your attorney does not know the truth, how can he plan for your defense against it. Your attorney is used to embarassment, as all clients have embarassing stories. Help your attorney help you by telling him the truth. It will be only too clear to the jury that you are lying. If you own up now and work towards a settlement, you will be better off and sleep at night. I trust my clients, as lying to me only hurts them, not me. Best of luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney at Law
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
NCDivorce.com
919-787-6668

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#4

Thanks for responding. Sorry I asked so many questions at once. I just don’t know what to do now, because I’ve backed myself into a corner and I look like such an idiot. I guess I was pretty stupid to think he would continue to lie for me, just because he lied for me before. His wife isn’t as dumb as I thought she was. I had no idea she tape recorded our conversation, or I wouldn’t have lied about everything that what was said.
I guess I can warn anyone out there: when a married guy lies to you about everything and you find out he’s married, do something that I didn’t do - use your brain! Believe what the wife says. Every married guy is going to say there have been problems for a “long time”, and is going to say bad things about the wife, even if the the only problem in the marriage is his affair with you. Use your common sense, girls. Don’t be like me. And don’t lie to attorneys - it will cost you more in the end. Oh, and beware, and at least do a background check if a guy starts calling you 15 times a day right off the bat, books a flight to come see you for a major holiday a week after he meets you, and who tells you he loves you after one week of talking on the phone. I wasn’t smart enough to figure out that it’s a little strange. Don’t be an idiot like me, and if you’re a single mother especially, don’t let a guy like that spend time with your kid, because you could be breaking the heart of the guy’s child, especially if the guy’s child has to overhear him having romantic conversations with you on the phone while the wife, the kid’s Mom is laying in bed crying.
I know I should be ashamed of myself, yes, but right now I’m just mostly mad that I’m stuck in a rutt now for not telling the truth.
Good luck to anyone who reads this.


#5

I live in Columbia, SC. I have lived with my girlfriend of 5 years for 2 years in a home we own together. In SC we are considered common law husband and wife.
My girlfriend had been morning the loss of her father when an old male friend, who lives in Charlotte, NC, contacted her. He recognized her depression and mental state and used the situation by telling her he had experienced the same thing with his father. None of this was true but he made her beleive he could help her get through it as a “special friend”. He convinced her to keep the friendship a secret from me because I knew of him from years ago when he had tried to break us up. Once he had her to a point of making secretive calls and visits to him he turned the tables and began blackmailing her with it, including physical threats. She felt obligated to keep the “friendship” going to prevent him from telling me and or harming me. The whole situation happened over a very intense 6 weeks or so. The reason it ended was he sexually assaulted her thinking his threats would keep her from telling me, which it did not.
Obviously, this has caused great emotional harm to our relationship and to her as well.

My question - Would North Carolina’s laws regarding Alienation of Affections provide some recourse for me in this case? If so, what is the first step to take?

Thanks for any help


#6

I live in Columbia, SC. I have lived with my girlfriend of 5 years for 2 years in a home we own together. In SC we are considered common law husband and wife.
My girlfriend had been morning the loss of her father when an old male friend, who lives in Charlotte, NC, contacted her. He recognized her depression and mental state and used the situation by telling her he had experienced the same thing with his father. None of this was true but he made her beleive he could help her get through it as a “special friend”. He convinced her to keep the friendship a secret from me because I knew of him from years ago when he had tried to break us up. Once he had her to a point of making secretive calls and visits to him he turned the tables and began blackmailing her with it, including physical threats. She felt obligated to keep the “friendship” going to prevent him from telling me and or harming me. The whole situation happened over a very intense 6 weeks or so. The reason it ended was he sexually assaulted her thinking his threats would keep her from telling me, which it did not.
Obviously, this has caused great emotional harm to our relationship and to her as well.

My question - Would North Carolina’s laws regarding Alienation of Affections provide some recourse for me in this case? If so, what is the first step to take?

Thanks for any help


#7

Dear eddiet:

Greetings. I would research that common law marriage again, as it was 7 years of living together and holding each other out as your mate in all the documents I read in lawschool.

Nevertheless, if your marriage is a legal one in the eyes of the state you live in, North Carolina should honor it.

Have your girlfriend file criminal charges against him…as that is your best recourse.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney at Law
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
NCDivorce.com
919-787-6668

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#8

I have a few questions. I started dating a married guy but I didn’t know he was married. After I found out he was married by talking to his wife on the phone and she was screaming and crying and couldn’t believe he had an affair, and I heard their kid screaming and crying too because she was very upset too, so I told the wife the affair was over and I was going to tell him to get lost. Then I called him and told him to hurry up and separate from his wife and then I’ll stay with him. I thought I was covering myself by telling him to hurry up and legally separate from her, even though I knew that she was devastated and everything, and that she got physically ill over finding out about the affair, I figured it’s not my fault she can’t hang on to her own husband, and I told him if he doesn’t divorce his wife asap, I don’t want him anymore. I continued the affair everything but the whole time I told him to hurry up and get separated, then he decided to stay with his wife but now the wife is suing me for all the emotional harm the affair did to her. She got to keep her husband so I don’t understand why I am being sued. Why am I being sued when my boyfriend decided to stay with his wife? Also I have another question. I lied on my first set of interrogatories and I said that all I did was act like a marriage counselor and become friends with both of them and that I never slept with him or let him come to my house or anything. I didn’t know what else to do. I also put that some of her best friends would testify on my behalf that she’s crazy but I don’t even know the people I listed and never talked to them. So what I’m wondering is, is that considered perjury when I lied on my interrogatories? I am afraid to ask my attorney because he believed me when I told him all I did was act like a counselor and didn’t continue an affair with him. I know these questions might sound dumb, but I don’t know what to do because I’m so deep in lies I can’t figure out what to say now.