My wife's affair


My wife has an sexual affair with another man after 22 years and 3 kids. My son is 12 and a daugther 15. I think it started in May of 2009 based on phone records. I run a small busness and work just about every day.

I knew something was going on early Sept 09 so I put a tracking device on our van and on Nov 2 I followed her to the guys house in the country where I parked and stood by a window and listened to the sexual activity going on. I was devistated.

When I confronted her with it she told me that he did’nt mean a thing to her and that she was very sorry for what she had done to me. And after some long talks I forgave her and we reconciled. We even went to counseling a couple times.

I learned that one of her girlfriends knew about the affair. One day in late Nov. I walked in the bedroom and heard her talking to the friend and asking if she had any messages and that she would write him something. When I confronted her about that she made up a story that I realy didnt believe.

Her friend went through a devorice about 5 years ago with her husban cheating and would know alot about the laws.

I put a recorder in that bathroom only to find out that yes she was still talking to him through TXTing to her friends phone and the friend forwarding to him and him back the same way.

So when I asked her again about this thing she confesed up. I asked her to explain why she was still talking to him she said it was friendship and that in tears it would never happen again.

Now, like I said, I love my wife and famley and the home that we have worked so hard to have. And right now I don’t want to devorce her and she says the same. But I get the feeling that my wife and the guy may have a future plan.

My fear is that sometime in the future she will devorice me and end up with everything and I will be put out of the home I have built working for the past 22 years.

I have explained to my wife my fear. We aggreed to put someting legal in writing that if she ever desided to leave me that I would not pay any alimony and that when everything is divided up that in the end I would keep the home. Is this possible?


I can tell you that, in my case, I caught my wife cheating two times (and had pretty conclusive proof there were other times as well) before I finally made the decision to seperate (after catching her a third time, only to find she was sexualy involved with two different men at the same time). In my expereience, the only thing that changed after each time I caught her was that she just became more careful… She would always want to know how I found out, what exactly I did to find out, etc. Then she would simply change her methods to make it more difficult to find out going forward.

Bottom line, people are not going to suddenly see the error of their ways just because they got caught… I suggest lots of counseling and a big committment on her part to accept that there will be no trust whatsoever on your part for a long time… Do not just take her word that things are over with this other person(s)… Good luck to you my friend, and I hope it works out for you…


You may execute an antenuptual agreement that contains a waiver of alimony, and deals with the distribution of the home. I recommend you have a family law attorney draw this up for you.


I spoked to a family attorney, He said that the distribution of the home could be done. He said that the waver of alimony could not be done. Are you sure about the alimony part ?


You cannot have a waiver of alimony in an antepuptual agreement, only a separation agreement (which contemplates the end of cohabitation).


Erin, is this something you can do for me?


Please call our client liaison to inquire about this service. She can be reached by dialling the main number in your area and selecting ext. 100.


I have placed a tape recorder in the bathroom of my home to here my wife asking her friend to use her phone to call the guy that she is having affair with. I have spoke to two attorneys about this. One say there is nothing wrong with doing what I have done and i could use the recording to prove the affair. The other attorney say that it is illegal and i could fined and that I can’t use it to prove the affair.

Can you help me out here?


It is improper. You can only record phone calls that you are a party to.


Something to keep in mind. If your wife is the dependent spouse and commits adultery and you are the supporting spouse with no fault, the divorce laws of NC at this time will not award alimony to a dependent cheating spouse.


I am NOT A LAWYER but I just went through this over the last three years.

My first advice is to READ THIS entire site. Welcome back to school.

About alimony.

There is also Post Separation Support, a form of temporary alimony, which a judge can award regardless of fault. It is supposed to be of limited duration and happen right after a separation to keep one dependent spouse from going broke. Basically, if she left tomorrow, and has no job, she could petition the judge for PSS. It typically runs until final alimony is settled.

Bottom line is that what you do now won’t have a big influence on how things turn out. Your wife is in a bad place where her judgment is awful. You aren’t going to “convince” her of anything if this is a typical affair. I recommend reading “break free from the affair” by Bob Huizenga. He has a good website.

Believe me, I’ve been there. You’ve got the information you need to show adultery. I doubt her friend would be willing to lie on the stand to protect her, nor would her lover. As for the amount of PSS, the judge will look at your incomes. One immediate thing you could do is tell her she has to get a job.

You can threaten the SOB other man with an alienation of affection lawsuit if you want to put some fear into him and get him to leave you alone.

If you are worried about your cheating wife taking the kids, I was successful in getting 50/50 custody in Orange County by proving to the judge that I was a good father. So, start now taking the kids to school or school activities, shopping for food & clothes, all the stuff you’d have to do as a single parent.

Contact me if you want some info on how to deal with this. I am NOT A LAWYER but I just went through this over the last three years.