Trying to get Started


#1

I am trying to figure out what to do. My wife and I have been married for almost 17 years. I have been unfaithful in the past and we have worked through it but recently within the last year she has thought I have been messing around with the woman who lives across the street. I have assured her that we are just friends and nothing more. Well back in July, my wife and this womans husband kind of took a game of truth or dare a little to far and it bothered me and this woman. So her and i started to talk about about over the on our cell phones and it slowly turned into us talking about our problems and how we were dealing with things. This whole time my wife was still uncomfortable with this woman even after I said I had a problem with what had happened. So about 4 months later, my wife sends this woman’s husband some sexual text messages 2 nights in a row at about 3 in the morning. She never told anybody about it but this womans husband didn’t like it and told his wife about it and my wife said she do it to make him feel uncomfortable around me like she was around her. I didn’t buy it but whatever. After this happened my became involved with a gentleman that lives down the street. he would come over at 12 or 1 in the morning and hang out with her because she doesn’t work and I have a bar in my garage. Well one night I caught her kissing and letting him rub all over her and I got mad. Well I confronted her and she denied it because she is on Ambian and it makes her not know what she is doing half the time. Well a few weeks later we got in a huge arguement about this guy and she ended leaving and going down to his house and spent the night down there with him. She says nothing happened but I don’t believe her. We worked through that and then about month ago she saw the phone records and saw that I have been talking to the woman across the street and freaked out. i told her that we talk about her problems about everything that had happened and that was it because she is in a crappy relationship also. She threatened to tell this womans husband but I told her it wasn’t her place to tell him but she did it anyway and now all she keeps saying is that I ruined the marriage by talking with this woman even after all the things she has done. Now my questions, I have seen a lawyer and he asked me if we had been intimate after all of these occurances and I said yes and he said then that is like saying its ok and its forgiven, is this true? Also this woman across the street and I all have mutal friends that hang out on the weekends so we all hang out, is that wroung of me to be hanging out with her even though we are around everyone esle or am I putting myself at risk for AA or something esle? Also she wont leave even though I have begged her to. She has never had a job, never contibuted to anything around the house. I know she is entitled to half of stuff. My house belongs to my parents and I rent from them. I am just trying to figure our what avenue to take.


#2

The lawyer you spoke with is correct with respect to condonation, meaning that if you and your wife have worked through your previous infidelities, she will be deemed to have forgiven you and cannot use those previous instances against you in her alimony claim. The same applies to the incident your wife had with the man down the street.
With respect to the phone records, your wife will need to have proof of infidelity, phone records are not enough for her to prove an affair is on going at this point.
You may associate with whomever you please, however this could lead to an opportunity for your wife to collect evidence to try and prove that you and this woman are still romantically involved. As for the risk of alienation of affection, you are possibly putting yourself at risk for her husband to initiate an action against you.
There is no way to force your wife out of the home based on the facts you have presented. If you want to initiate a separation you should leave the home which will enable you to file suit for equitable distribution of property. You may then make a motion with the court and ask that you be awarded possession of the residence.