Need continuance on the divorce hearing date

I live in Connecticut and my husband moved to North Carolina 18 months ago. He filed an uncontested divorce from there and the divorce hearing date is August 27, 2010. My husband chose the date knowing that is the day our son is going to college and needs to be dropped off for his freshman year in CT, and hence it would be difficult for me to be there. He says he does not want me to be present at the hearing!

I am trying to get a continuance for the divorce hearing date and it is very difficult doing that in CT. The Wake county court either tells me I do not have the right to change the date as the Defendant, or I have to be physically present to change the date. How can I do it from CT, without being physically present? Can it be done over the phone or is there a form that I can fill out? If not, is my only choice to drive down there to change the date? Can I be sure that I can change the date if I drive down?


You need to be present to continue the hearing. Is there a reason you need a continuance?

The only way he is willing to do this if there is no alimony, no child support for when our kids were under 18 (when he left), or anything. I just want to make sure that in future he cannot come after me for any personal or business (even though it is a corporation) debts from the past, present or future. Also, want to make sure that he cannot touch any assets of mine in the future (inheritance, a house if I do buy one, etc.)? Can he touch anything I acquire after the divorce?

The divorce papers only have both our names and SS, both son’s names and SS, the fact that we are married since 1986 and that we are getting divorced.

Do I have to worry about future assets/


Can he add anything to the divorce on the date of the hearing? I just feel uncomfortable because he refuses to allow me to be there and hence won’t get a continuance! That just seems “fishy” to me. He is “scared” (his words) that I will cause a problem and he won’t get his divorce! I feel I am missing something - maybe he has a business and is earning money, while I am unemployed and he is worried that he may have to pay support?! He sends me money but refuses to have it in the divorce. Should I insist on $ 1 alimony so it is open for future in case he stops being “generous” and stops sending money as soon as the divorce is finalized?

He cannot sue you for spousal support or a distribution of assets once the divorce is granted if he does not have claims pending for Alimony and Equitable Distribution prior to entry of the divorce. The same goes for you. All claims for spousal support and property division are lost on divorce unless you file claims for the same prior to entry.

If he ceases to pay you after the divorce you will have to recourse.

Property acquired by either spouse after the date you began living apart is separate in nature and cannot be divided as part of the marital estate.

He cannot add anything to the divorce at the hearing.

So, there is a recourse if he stops paying after the divorce? I will have check copies and deposits made to the account for proof.

What does this mean -
“If he stops paying after the divorce you will have to recourse.” Right now, he is paying from the “goodness of his heart” and because of his “committment” - can I do anything for the amount he deposits every month?

If there is no court order or valid separation agreement providing for alimony you will have no recourse for non-payment after the divorce.

You must file a claim for alimony prior to divorce to preserve your right to pursue the same.

Do I have to file the claim before the divorce hearing? Once I do that, can I not do anything if he continues to support, and only bring it up if he doesn’t? Does anything have to be there in the written divorce papers about alimony? Or a separate claim is ok?

Right now, the divorce papers only has:

  1. Our names and SS
  2. Both kids’ names and SS
  3. Our marriage date
  4. The states we live in
  5. We are divorcing after 24 years and want an absolute divorce

If alimony needs to be added before the date, can it still be done before Friday’s court date?

You must file a claim for Alimony and Equitable Distribution prior to the divorce hearing, or you will forever be barred from asserting those claims.

The court will eventually set hearings for both issues if you do not. The court will not allow the case to be pending indefinitely.

The Alimony claim will be separate as the court will not be able to hear support prior to your divorce, which, if I remember correctly, is this week.

You MUST file a claim for alimony (and equitable distribution if applicable) before Friday.

Do I have to file for alimony and equitable distribution, or can I file for alimony alone?

We do not have any assets whatsoever. The house has been sold and each got 50% of the check, after deducting all mortgages, etc.

He does have a tendency to borrow money from his family (who very kindly give it to him) without any legal paperwork that he borrowed and hence has to return. Can he come up with documents that he writes up today and pretend they were written earlier? He “did not have to inform me” when he borrowed from his family so I would not know!

Credit cards in his name are his debts, correct? Not mine?

Will try and call you after this.

Do I have to inform him that I am filing this (whatever it is called) or will he just hear about it when he goes for the hearing on Friday? I know he will put tremendous pressure of not “trusting” him and “respecting” him if I do this! He takes this as a lack of trust, my not taking his word that he will support - does not say how much, how long, anything. “You will have to wait and see” and will depend on how much you trust me?!

He will have to be served with the Complaint for Alimony within 30 days after it is filed, and the summons issued. He will not have to know before Friday.

Thank you, Erin. I will be talking to an attorney in your law firm to see what my options are at this point. Hope it can be done amicably and I can have something in writing from him vs depend on this generosity and committment - committment to what when he left, I do not know. He really cares which is why he left!

I am hoping it is something I can do on my own so there are no massive legal bills as I just do not have the money.

Thank you so much for answering my questions and concerns.

You are most welcome. I wish you the very best.