Long story short(er):
2015, my mother is killed by my stepfather. My husband decides it’s too much stress, begins an affair with an old high school friend and moves in with her. Two months later, he begs forgiveness and comes home.
2016, he is continuing to see her behind my back, though he swears it’s “over”. Refuses to get a job despite being able-bodied and historically out-earning me. Late 2016, he begins second affair and moves in with second woman in October. Claims to be homeless but has filed change-of-address form showing her residence upon moveout.
Current day: He is still unemployed, has broken into the house we used to rent (which I still live in) numerous times but cannot be arrested because no one has seen him in the act. Still living with second paramour, who pays all his bills.
At the end of the marriage, he left a $6000 loan that I took out for him to go to rehab, plus a $20,000 car loan that he insisted we take out in Feb of 2015 right before Mom’s death.
No children, thankfully. Sixteen years married. I now live alone, no romantic commitments, in home we rented. I have stable job, roughly 35k a year. Enough to squeak by but not enough to pay off debts he incurred during his unemployed period.
My questions are as follows:
Since he has been willfully unemployed for 2 years, though he is physically and mentally sound and capable, is it possible that he is setting himself up to ask for alimony as a dependant? I can’t imagine he’d be eligible, considering he is cohabitating with a woman who supports him currently.
Does his willful unemployment hurt my ability to seek alimony, based on his infidelities? I don’t want to anything more than I feel he owes - namely, the loan for hid rehab and half of the car loan - but I do think running out on the bills should not be acceptable.
I want a third-party mediator to sit in with us to arrange distribution and such, and to help clarify the alimony issue. How do I go about getting one? He is being extremely venomous and manipulative - mostly in the form of talking about how wonderful his paramour is - and I don’t think the two of us alone can get an agreement in place.
Ant help would be very welcome indeed. I never planned for any of this to happen, obviously, and I’m in the weeds.