Need Help with Separation, Re: ex cheating


#1

Long story short(er):

2015, my mother is killed by my stepfather. My husband decides it’s too much stress, begins an affair with an old high school friend and moves in with her. Two months later, he begs forgiveness and comes home.

2016, he is continuing to see her behind my back, though he swears it’s “over”. Refuses to get a job despite being able-bodied and historically out-earning me. Late 2016, he begins second affair and moves in with second woman in October. Claims to be homeless but has filed change-of-address form showing her residence upon moveout.

Current day: He is still unemployed, has broken into the house we used to rent (which I still live in) numerous times but cannot be arrested because no one has seen him in the act. Still living with second paramour, who pays all his bills.

At the end of the marriage, he left a $6000 loan that I took out for him to go to rehab, plus a $20,000 car loan that he insisted we take out in Feb of 2015 right before Mom’s death.

No children, thankfully. Sixteen years married. I now live alone, no romantic commitments, in home we rented. I have stable job, roughly 35k a year. Enough to squeak by but not enough to pay off debts he incurred during his unemployed period.

My questions are as follows:

  1. Since he has been willfully unemployed for 2 years, though he is physically and mentally sound and capable, is it possible that he is setting himself up to ask for alimony as a dependant? I can’t imagine he’d be eligible, considering he is cohabitating with a woman who supports him currently.

  2. Does his willful unemployment hurt my ability to seek alimony, based on his infidelities? I don’t want to anything more than I feel he owes - namely, the loan for hid rehab and half of the car loan - but I do think running out on the bills should not be acceptable.

  3. I want a third-party mediator to sit in with us to arrange distribution and such, and to help clarify the alimony issue. How do I go about getting one? He is being extremely venomous and manipulative - mostly in the form of talking about how wonderful his paramour is - and I don’t think the two of us alone can get an agreement in place.

Ant help would be very welcome indeed. I never planned for any of this to happen, obviously, and I’m in the weeds.


#2
  1. It is possible that your husband would not be eligible for alimony because of his cohabitation and because of any illicit sexual behavior, if any, committed during the marriage.

  2. Yes, his unemployment could hurt your ability to receive alimony. However, his responsibility for the rehab loan and car loan would be treated separately from alimony.

  3. Mediation can be very helpful. You can use the North Carolina Mediator Information webpage for help on selecting a mediator and to search for one in your area.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#3

I approached him about mediation and he is refusing. He is also threatening that I am “entering a world of pain” and that he is going to “bury me”, but he will not do it in text where it can be documented. Only over the phone.

Tangentially, I now have two other questions:

  1. Would filing a divorce from bed and board to ducoment his misconduct do any good at this point, since he has already moved in with the paramour?

  2. His paramour is also married, and I have her information as well as her spouse’s. My husband is threatening legal action (he’s very vague on what type) if I involve her in this in any way, which I’m guessing means he’s afraid I am going to sue her for AoA/CC (which, from my understanding, I could, since she essentially wooed him to come live with her by offering to pay all his bills for him so he doesn’t have to work). Since her husband lives in another state, is my husband at risk of also being sued under AoA/CC since he is committing the adultery here in NC?


#4
  1. Divorce from bed and board, by itself, would not be the best action for you to file since a separation has already happened. However, if you do file a court action against your husband (for example, for equitable distribution, postseparation support, alimony, etc.), you should also include the claim for divorce from bed and board due to his marital misconduct.

  2. You are correct that you can sue the paramour for alienation of affection and/or criminal conversation if your husband started seeing the paramour during the marriage, among other requirements. If you have standing to bring such a claim against the paramour, there isn’t much your husband can do about it.

Yes, your husband could be at risk for having an alienation of affection lawsuit filed against him by his paramour’s spouse if that spouse were to file in NC.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.