Not thinking clearly


#1

My husband and I have decided to separate after 17 years of marriage. We are still very amicable and he is staying in our house until he is able to work out where he will go. To keep the story short, we haven’t had sex in at least 5 years, and recently he began communicating with his high school girlfriend. It was pretty innocent at first (I’ve seen the emails,) but once we decided to separate about 3 weeks ago, the relationship has escalated. Yesterday I found text messages where they talked about him moving to where she lives, some financial things related to me, and more intimate message about when they get back together. I am feeling like I may need to start protecting myself financially - he has had mostly self-made financial problems for our entire relationship, and because I know there is the possibility of him getting money from me, I am concerned. Early this morning, though, we were both up - couldn’t sleep and I was feeling very sad and sentimental, we started talking about the good things and how concerned I was he was going to forget me, things progressed and we had sex (thus the “not thinking” part.) It doesn’t change our decision but I am now concerned that it could be an issue if he does try to get money from me. Can that affect things?

Thank you
LM


#2

The sex may have been a clear sign you forgave him for the contact with his old flame, you should certainly save the emails as they may be leverage, along with possible AOA claim if the other woman is located in NC as leverage also. You didn’t say why you went 5yrs without sex, but it could have been constructive abandonment by the party that withheld the sex, that is gone now, it would have just effected a divorce from bed and breakfast.


#3

The fact you had sex doesn’t change anything. Financially, you should move any money in joint accounts into your sole name, and settle up with him later. Start by opening up your own checking account, and have your income deposited there. You also need to remove his ability to charge on any joint accounts.


#4

What is a divorce from bed and breakfast? She does not live in NC and they have not physically been together yet, but does my “forgiving” him diminish the effect of the emails, etc? We both just stopped even trying to have sex so I can’t say that anyone withheld it. We already have everything separate, so that is not a problem, but from what i understand if he wanted to push it, he could get some of my savings, retirement, and maybe even alimony