we have a similar issue and despite paying considerable child support have resorted to keeping a small quantity of clothing for my stepson at our home. I have decided it is just a petty control issue on the ex’s part and not worth the aggravation. The clothes that he comes in are the clothes that he returns in and we keep things at our home for him that we have to explain to him need to stay at our home.
It is indeed petty and we have tried to point that out to the ex but to no avail. Trust me we have a bunch of clothes for her at our house probably too many. But the problem is she will outgrow it, or all of a sudden she changes her mind and does not like it anymore (as 12 year olds do). The ex has not stopped sending clothes altogether and I think that would be hard to do and explain to your daughter that you’ll pack whatever she wants when she sleeps over a friend’s house but not when she visits her dad, but she may do it one day. I know we really can’t do anything but it is frustrating and makes me know I could never practice family law.
Thanks for your reply.
A friend of mine had the same probably w/ her stepdaughter and husband’s ex so they just kept clothes at their house and explained that those would be the ones she would wear. It might actually be fun to go shopping w/ her, after establishing a budget, as she gets older.
It is unfortunate that the mother in this situation has resorted to such petty behavior. There is no specific law about this. The court would probably not look fondly on her for this behavior though.
As a practical matter though, if you paid an attorney to represent you in this matter, you could probably clothe your stepdaughter until she turned eighteen. Can you talk to your stepdaughter and make her responsible for packing her own bag? If not you can choose to address this in court, or buy your stepdaughter some clothing that will remain at your house.
I wish you the best of luck.
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax
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I agree with the lawyer on letting the girl pack her own bag. She’s old enough for the responsibility. My son has been packing his own since he was 10. (the only problem has been getting socks to find their way home) That may be why they don’t cover clothing after age 10. As far as a bathing suit, that is something that she should keep there if she frequently goes swimming while at your house. If it is a big issue with the momma, just get her some clothes to wear while at your house, and if it’s “too out of style” she is welcome to suppliment with items from her momma’s house. She’s old enough to take on some responsibilities for herself.
I am in a unique situation. I am a lawyer and am married, so sometimes I will assist my husband in his dealings with his ex-wife. but only simple stuff and filings. If we ever went to court, I would get another lawyer to fill in for me. Anway, my husband and his ex got divorced in Ohio and everything, except child support, is governed by a standard parenting agreement that the county they got divorced in provides for couples that cannot agree on visitation etc. It is nice in that it basically sets out whay year each parents has the kids for holidays, how much additional vacation time each is allowed, how extra-curricular activities are to be addressed, and what to pack for kids in certain age groups. However, the last age group that it specifiies articles of clothing for is age 10 and under.
So, my husband’s ex is now saying she is doing him a favor by packing any clothes for his 12 year old daughter. So when he asks that she pack a swimsuit for the pool in the summer or a dress for church, she’ll say she does not have it (which we know is untrue) or that she will ask the child is she needs it (which we do not feel is fair because sometimes her asking is more like telling and intimidating).
I will add that my husband is the sole provider of support since his ex had it modified when she returned to school at age 29. So it is unfair to ask that he also have a wardrobe for his daughter for when she visits every other weekend, not to mention a true waste of clothing since they barely get used due to the minimal tme she is with us. But we also don’t want to make her feel she does not have what she needs. The ex also loves to say how she has ran this by her lawyer (which is sad) and that she is justified in her approach. Being an outsider to most of the NC issues, I need some assistance on what if anything we can do.