I know I am not alone in this but this is one of the most frustrating aspects of joint custody. We tend to buy clothes and shoes while she seldom does. I have given up asking to get clothes back because she ignores my requests or when I do get them back it has been so long they no longer fit. I still sometimes mark them in some way but this does not seem to make a difference to her. I don’t ask him to wear specific clothes back and forth because I don’t want to stress him out. I am used to him wearing clothing over from her house and immediately stripping it/them off and saying “this/these doesn’t/don’t fit” . I am trying NOT to make clothes or shoes an issues but it really, really bugs me when she takes any opportunity to lecture me on what size clothing she is buying him or if the jeans or khakis I buy him are a little too big or to have her recommend that I hem them or donate them to Goodwill.
It’s a bit expensive but we have clothes here for SD to wear when she’s with us. She’s never brought a bag for the weekends/holidays she’s with us. I just make sure that the clothes she had on are clean and when she goes back to her Mom’s that what she wears home. We used to buy shoes and coats as well but stopped doing that. When she outgrows the clothes here I put them back for DD.
just have to chime in – my stepson occasionally brings clothes to our house when he visit but most of the time they are not decent to wear. It has never been clothes sent home and purchase by us – it is always clothes that have been bought second hand – which is not a problem but they are to the point of being wore out. Usually what he wears to our house is washed and he wears them back home. Also, usually the clothes that are sent are varing sizes that have been stuck in there just to say clothes have been sent home. Just recently we sent brand new clothes home with him from the summer for school and she regifted them back to him at Christmas like she had bought them. The child is 12 and recognized the clothes from the summer because we had purchased several shirts/jeans during the summer in different colors and sent them home and he asked his mother if these were the clothes that he had got during the summer, which of course she denied. So clothes have always been an ongoing problem for us also.
It’s an ongoing problem. It seems like one parent just never cares what the child wears and the other does. We have had this issue at hour house since the beginning at one point even getting to where we thought it would go back to court. We have the boys for a solid week straight now and it’s resolved some of the issues because they aren’t switching off during the week. They are older than they were at the beginning which helps also. Over the course of the week, I can wash what they wore over and that is normally what they wear back to school the next Monday when their mom picks them up.
The only time it’s an issue now, is when the youngest wears jeans that have holes in inappropriate places and I refuse to wash them until the next time they don’t have school. That can sometimes be a while…and he questions where they are. He’s been wearing shorts most of this winter because I’ve refused to buy those ripped up jeans and he won’t wear the ones we’ve bought. He’s a big boy and he’s hardly ever cold so his dad’s just gotten to the point of, “let him wear what he wants…” and I’m not arguing about it. They realize they can’t wear off some stuff but for the most part, it’s useless to try to control it.
Once you quit worrying so much about it, it’s actually a relief. I’ve gotten a lot of 2nd hand stuff too, and to be honest, it’s easier. Especially, if you’re looking at spending $20 on a shirt for them to grow out of it in a month or two. They don’t seem to notice and we always give the clothes they grow out of away so it all evens out in the end…just my opinion, but I’ve found that it was just one more thing that I was trying to control and it lowered my stress level considerably when I quit obsessing over it…
I missed Next kid’s clothing for a few months, and then I looked around and saw that Canadian kids were wearing acceptable clothing too.
“Decent” is hard for me to define now. The buggers grow so quickly, and wear the clothes a lot (because of no school uniform) and are therefore harder on their clothes - so nowadays, I don’t spend big money 'cos they’ll get paint on them or have a(nother) hole in the knee before you can say “I miss Next”.
Depending on the ages of your kids, I thought Children’s Place was ok - but buy during a sale (which are frequent enough). Please Mum is another chain. Old Navy is cheap and cheerful and the stuff won’t last a long time, but see paragraph above for lifespan of clothing. Mexx do trendy stuff. Look in The Bay. There is Gymboree here for little ones. Dare I say it, but Walmart do some OK stuff. It’s not even going to fit them in 8 months time so why spend $50 when $20 will do?
I have girls. Girls love Lululemon hoodies - but at $100 a go, that is not to everyone’s budget. Ditto Aviva - the kid’s version of Lululemon. Ten years plus and look at Garage and all the regular cheap trendy clothes stores (Bootleg, etc) while attempting to not let them leave the house looking like a stripper. Difficult but achievable.
I am newly separated and the clothes issue came up for me as I packed a bag for my child. My spouse just rented a house so there is now an official room for our child. The spouse has never bought clothes and wouldn’t buy the right size anyway.
I found that I packed the holey jeans and less dressy shirts for permanent residence over there. I didn’t want to let go of the nicer items because I am fairly certain they won’t be coming back anytime soon due to whatever reason.
I kind of hate that my kid will be dressed really down on those days, but little kids won’t be judged like older ones would. Buying 2nd hand trendy stuff for older kids is the way I would handle it if dragging a suitcase back and forth is not an option.
I agree with the one post that says have them to wear back what they wore over. Funny story is that I used to not care is they wore something of mine back because it came from Walmart or Goodwill or a yard sale. I finally got a nasty not from the X. Now that I am re=married and my kids are in their teens the peer pressure is there.
The X and my wife shop for name brand such as American Eagle but on clearance etc.
We was what they wore over and have them to wear it back. Be careful if you do this approach. They can be sneaky wear something that stays at your house. You might not see it again or have to call them out on it and take their life link *(cell phone away) until you get it back. Good luck.