Parental Alienation, incestuous relationship, CPS, a mess

North Carolina Divorce Law Divorce and Separation Answers
1

I know that this ¶ is a hotly contested topic, here and in every state. I’ve read in this forum that if a judge “suspects” alienation, they should require an evaluation.

My ex has been diagnosed as bipolar. He does not take medication for it. He was first diagnosed with bipolar ten years ago, after he assaulted me with a knife and was court ordered to get mental health help. I have in my possession those papers, from the psychiatrist who treated him. The diagnosis was bipolar, and he was prescribed medication to treat it. The follow-up report has the psychiatrist reporting that my ex responded quite well to the medication and that my ex told the psychiatrist he had “never felt better in his life.” This report was sent to me by my attorney at that time, so I am legally in possession of them.

Obviously, this is a very, very dysfunctional story, and I realize that I too have issues. I’m being treated for PTSD and have followed all recommendations since this all began again last December. I asked the judge in our May hearing for her to order a psychological evaluation on him as well, but she told me that only if I could give her a reason at the PERM hearing for it would she order it. I have since found the psychiatrist’s report about the bipolar diagnosis. Can I use those to show the judge? AT the temp hearing, my ex actually said this. “I have had numerous diagnoses over the years and the last one was normal.” If it weren’t so serious, it would be absolutely comical, a statement like that! Obviously, he went psychiatrist shopping until he got a psychiatrist to find him “normal.” I know this man. He IS bipolar. I have so much saved email showing his delusions of grandeur, etc, but I’ve been told that since they are now old they are worthless. So what about the psychiatrist’s report? It’s not like bipolar clears up like a common cold.

Sorry for the super long post. If you can help me figure out how to show this judge what is being done TO my children and how to handle these issues of psychological evaluations, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks.

2

Presenting the video and tape in court will get your point across, however there is a risk that the recordings will leave a bad taste in the judge’s mouth, and it could be discerned that the incidents were coached.

The emails to your ex can be submitted in court for the judge to read, and they should give the judge an idea of what is going on.

You may attempt to disprove the affidavit, however the judge may very well not allow it to be addressed, since it was likely submitted in support of your ex’s claim for temporary custody.

As for the text message, you will simply need to explain your side of the story through testimony so the judge can try to understand what really happened.

With respect to the incident with Kathy, you will need to call the social worker in to testify to her impression of these events, and again, may play the video, subject to the risk that the judge may find that the child was coached.

In my opinion the best way to deal with all of these issues is to file a motion with the court seeking a custody evaluation and psychological evaluations of your ex and the child.

The clerk should be able to provide you with a copy of the order.

3

In this affidavit, my son is speaking about long term custody. I know–that sounds utterly ridiculous, a teenager talking about what should happen, but that is what is in it. I want to stress that I would only want to bring it up to show that this boy was coerced. As in: I’m not addressing the affidavit as testimony that cannot be cross examined. I want to present it as evidence of parental alienation. I’m thinking your answer is going to be the same.

But can you tell me this: I’ve heard that judges are not EVEN supposed to take affidavits from minors. My son is obviously not a legal adult.

That is SO disappointing to hear about the video. My little girl did want to tell her father what had happened, but she was scared (and he’s never talked to her about it, I found out last night). The poor kid has what she thinks is a horrible thing that is very painful to talk to her father about it (and it is horrible, being physically attacked by her much, much older sibling), and he’s not interested in talking to her about it. But if there’s a chance this judge is not going to like it, think I coached her, I don’t know if I can take that chance. Dang. I have other videos that we made too, but I wasn’t making them to show to him especially. Just the two of us reading a book together about when mommies and daddies forget how to be friends. She liked that book so much she wanted to make a movie of it.

I do have to admit that the video of her talking about what Kathy had done to her does sound like she can’t make up her mind in a few places, and I WILL NOT tamper with it, no way. Most of it is pretty straightforward: me, holding her, telling her, okay, so you have something you want Daddy to know, so go ahead and talk to the camera like daddy IS right there. It was night time, she was tired and in a few places she offered new information I’d not heard before (like how no one would speak to her after the incident and how she got her dinner and took it to her room to eat alone). How Kathy “yelled” at her that she was not going to tell mommy or daddy about what had happened. She had told me this before, and I asked about it on the video. She told me that no, big sister didn’t scream, she “yelled.” Apparently, with all the raised voices in our family (I mean big sister, brother and dad), my little one has actually made her own distinction between yelling and screaming.

How about this? I have this eight page letter from Kathy, detailing what this guy did to her as a teenager, this pot smoking, the booze, alienating her from me, etc. If Kathy is NOT at the hearing, can I use this email, or would Kathy have to be there?

What about a custody evaluation with the two of us in different states? It will also drag this out, so that my six-year-old will have been there even longer than the beginning of this year. Would that be just making things worse on myself?

Is the letter/report from HIS psychiatrist okay for me to submit in court? And am I allowed to refer to testimoy/perjury from the temp hearing, since that is allegely nonprejudicial?

4

Oh, I forgot this one.

Two yaers ago, just before this guy stopped talking to me because he had found a girlfriend–and very importantly stopped spending time with my youngest child–I have a whole slew of emails from one day when he played such sadistic games with me about NOT bringing her home. He did this to me a lot–playing these games. I’ve even got voice mails that are still saved on my phone from that day, showing that at first he was pretty much making fun of me for wanting her brought home, and then the next day, he sounds completely different, like he was a bit worried about what he had done the night before.

Are THESE okay to use, to show this judge that this guy has a years-long pattern of threatening me with the kids?

This email exchange is utterly horrifying, on his part. I mean, disgusting. But it is two years old now.

5

Yes, you may use that as evidence of his character and attitude.

6

Thanks for that reply! That’s what I was thinking, but I was concerned that they’re now about two years old. Of course, I also have the text message from two weeks ago, with him trying to “take back” the extra days my little one would be able to spend with me, out of spite.

How about the report that I am in legal possession of, from his psychiatrist diagnosing him as bipolar, and the follow-up, with the doctor quoting him as saying he has never felt better, since he started taking medication to treat the bipolar? This guy actually said in the temp hearing that he has has “numerous diagnoses and the last one was normal.” But in his own words, in that report from the psychiatrist, he says he has never felt better since taking the bipolar meds?

Can I use that report? Should I use that report? He was also taking the DOSE program and SAFE child program at the time.

I also want to point this out. I do not hate this man. No way. Maybe I sound like a complete whack job myself, but he is the father of my children, and I want life to work out for him. I don’t want to destroy him in court, but I DO want the lying, the manipulating and bullying to stop, forever. These kids, all of them (including Kathy) have gotten pretty banged up in this mess. I’m always tempted to ask someone, when I hear them trashing an ex, “So, uh, if s/he is THAT bad, why did you hook up with him/her int he first place?”

I loved this man. He does have good attributes, both as a person and as a parent. He has, however, screwed up horribly, and I’ve paid a heavy, heavy price, as have all of my children (and he has too, I"m sure–no one who is happy could do the things he has done). I’m not so sure that I want the “bad karma” of going after him in court and completely destroying him. I’'m also wondering, what on earth goes through the minds of these judges when they hear some of this stuff.

So . . . is this psychiatric report admissible? Would it be wise to go ahead and show the judge the man’s porn addictions (that was part of that whole disgusting fiasco that I was talking about with the disgusting emails that day that he would not bring her home to me).

7

The other side may move to keep the medical record out of court, but it is worth a shot to try and get it into evidence.

8

Really? They can do that, even though I am in legal possession of these reports? They were sent to me by my attorney after the assault incident, and it was his attorney who sent them to my attorney. So there is everything legal in my having them. They were meant for me, to try to convince me that I should keeep allowing him to see our son.

Unreal, taht they could object to this.

9

Sorry you are dealing with parental alienation. For what it’s worth, you may want to check out http://www.afamilysheartbreak.com. There is information and resources you may find helpful.

Good luck.

10

Thanks. I’ve also read DIvorce Poison, which goes into a LOT of detail on this issue. IT was actually while reading that book that I had this a-ha moment: So there is a NAME for this, huh? Alll these years, I just thought his father was immature and awnted to be the “most popular” parent. No, there’s a lot more to it.

I heard from my son today, after finally sending him a note. He is now referring to me as “woman” and by my first name. That’s PA right there.

Sick stuff, for sure. and even though I’ve got so much stuff to show a judge, I am still not an attorney. They will probably mop the floor with me, again, like they did at the temp hearing . . . all the lying under oath. I hvae tangible stuff, yes, but he has an attorney.

Today, I’m very seriously considering just bowing out, letting him have his way, and hoping that this real parenting stuff (as opposed to having me do it all those yaers) will get old pretty fast. Especially if I just tell him: No visitation. I cannot afford it. I have some other things I would want them to agree to, like no more teenage drunks for baby sitters (I have the facaebook photos of this kid, booze in her hand in every picture). No more Kathy babysitting, since she got way out of hand and hit my little girl. Pscych eval for him. Follow up on all recommendations (bipolar??) I own all copyrights to all emails and photographs. Get the youngest child to a counselor asap. SCHEDULED phone calls, no more bs on that, but only twice a month, or maybe once a week. NOtification of all events like dance recitals. And if they can find it in the goodness of their black tar haerts, let me have the youngest for halloween and valentines day. I think taht’s about what I had wanted, whenI was ready to throw in the towel a few weeks ago. Oh! I want his initials on the eight-page letter written by Kathy, about all the pot, the alcohol, the sexual allegations, etc. Just to PROVE it to my son, when or if he ever comes around, to show him: HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED. I kept it from you all those years.

Dunno. Feeling really down about this all today. Ready to give up. Broke. Need a job. And maybe a break from parenting, WITHOUT all this legal mumbo jumbo occuping my mind all day, every day, will be good for me.

I just worry so much about my six-year-old. She tells me big sister p retty much battered her, and the guy does not even discuss it with her? Takes her TO Kathy’s home? And then tells my son all about some “bogus” video I made. This is surely crappy parenting. But courts are NOT fair, and I do not have an attorney. Might be the best I can do for that child is to let this all go for now, work on myself, get my health back (my gosh, I’ve lost so much weight), and then maybe, just maybe, he’ll get sick of it. He never had much of an interest in her anyway. Still doesn’t. She’s always with sitters. INcluding the teenage drunk. God, that scares the hell out of me.

Sorry for the typos. No reading glasses on at the moment, and I’ve got a splitting headache. Thanks for the support and the link. I also highly recommend Divorce Poison. Boy is that an enlightening book.