Parenting Agreement Issues-PLEASE HELP

My husband and his ex-wife established a parenting agreement before we began our relationship. The parenting agreement has been in place for 3 years.
The parenting agreement is not equitable and now because his ex-wife is bitter that he has remarried, she refuses to agree to any adjustments.
Concerns:
He has them EVERY weekend during the school year and has requested multiple times to change that to a more equitable schedule so that he can have them some during the week. Every weekend is not reasonable, but also he wants to participate more in their school week (homework, school drop off etc). She refuses. the summer schedule is a 2-2-3 split equally and he has asked for that to be the year-round schedule.
Thanksgiving and Christmas - in the agreement, it says Thanksgiving will be SPLIT (half the day with mom, the other half dad). This works for her because her family is IN TOWN - my family is not in town which means we can NEVER have Thanksgiving with my aging parents and family unless they come to us. He has asked her to change to every other Thanksgiving Day and she refuses.
The agreement also says Christmas Eve is with her and that he will get them 1/2 of Christmas Day. This is ridiculous - again - this means we can NEVER travel on Christmas and it is not fair they wake up for Santa with her every year - then they come to us later and we try to make it exciting but of course the thrill is not the same.
He has asked her repeatedly to amend the agreement - she refuses and will not even consider it…
Is court the ONLY option? They have tried mediation with no success.

He pays MORE than the court ordered child support, he carries them on his insurance and then they split every expense for the children. According to the NC Child support calculator, he really should have to pay nothing because of the number of days he has them and the fact that she dropped them from her insurance.

Assuming your husband and his ex-wife have a parenting agreement that is now a court order, the only way to modify it is by filing a motion to modify. A court order (which a parenting agreement resulting from court-ordered custody mediation is a court order) can only be modified when there is a substantial change in circumstances affecting the wellbeing of the children.

As you have described it, there is likely not a substantial change in circumstances affecting the wellbeing of the children. Changing the custody schedule so that it better fits the parent and stepparent is generally not going to be enough to meet the substantial change in circumstances standard unless the children are negatively impacted by the current schedule and a change would be beneficial and in their best interests.

If the custody terms are included in a separation agreement, then your husband and ex-wife must follow the agreement’s terms as to amendments to the custody schedule. If they have already done this (for example, by attending mediation), then the next step would be for your husband to file a custody action against his ex-wife.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

They have a parenting agreement that was filed in court during their separation.
Is him getting married a substantial change?
His daughter is struggling in school and he is an educator and is much better equipped to help her with homework as she enters middle school but he only has them on weekends.

So if I am reading correctly, he can file a motion to have the schedule changed but it likely won’t happen unless there is a substantial change?
So- does this mean this is most likely the agreement that has to be followed for the next 11 years???
They have joint custody but she is listed as the custodial parent.

A parent’s remarriage, by itself, is not enough for there to be a substantial change in circumstances.

It’s possible that a change in the custodial schedule that would be in the children’s best interests (for example, the daughter that is struggling in school) could be enough for there to be a substantial change in circumstances.

This does not necessarily mean that this is the schedule that the parents will have to follow for the next 11 years, but if there is no substantial change in circumstances affecting the wellbeing of the children, then the parenting agreement/court order cannot be changed.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.