Your ex wife should not be so controlling over your visitation and contact with the children. Do you have a custody agreement or consent order? If you do not have one then you and your ex wife need to work out an agreement that lays out a custodial schedule and the expectations that each one of you have. You may be able to do this through mediation with or without attorneys. The best way if for both of you to work this out together without filing a lawsuit. However, if you cannot agree then you may be left filing a lawsuit and asking the court to intervene on your behalf.
Your ex wife should not be withholding visitation because of the financial issues between the two of you.
It sounds like the two of you need the help of a third party. If you do not want to take the step of hiring an attorney or filing a lawsuit, the other suggestion I have would to be to try and convince her to speak with a child therapist. A child therapist may be able to show your wife how damaging these behaviors can be.
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax
301 McCullough Drive
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Voice: 704.307.4600
Main Fax: 704.943.0044
1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.