Your ex wife should not be so controlling over your visitation and contact with the children. Do you have a custody agreement or consent order? If you do not have one then you and your ex wife need to work out an agreement that lays out a custodial schedule and the expectations that each one of you have. You may be able to do this through mediation with or without attorneys. The best way if for both of you to work this out together without filing a lawsuit. However, if you cannot agree then you may be left filing a lawsuit and asking the court to intervene on your behalf.
Your ex wife should not be withholding visitation because of the financial issues between the two of you.
It sounds like the two of you need the help of a third party. If you do not want to take the step of hiring an attorney or filing a lawsuit, the other suggestion I have would to be to try and convince her to speak with a child therapist. A child therapist may be able to show your wife how damaging these behaviors can be.
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Voice: 704.307.4600
Main Fax: 704.943.0044
1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.
It sounds to me as though your ex wants to have all the control and believe me when I tell you that it will come back to her. Your daughters will remember this. She told you that she’s recording conversations because it is illegal to do this unless at least one party knows they are being recorded. My suggestion is that if she’s recording, when you do talk to your children, make sure that you mention on record that you do not want to be recorded. If neither party is consenting to the recording then I’m not sure she could use it in court and may be in trouble herself if she tried. I also suggest that you discuss things with your daughters when they are with you. Make sure that they understand how much you miss them and love them and that this is not their fault. Their mother is putting them in the middle between you two and does not realize that you are their father regardless of whether or not you are her husband. Make sure they know that if you sound funny when you talk to them on the phone that it’s only because of the recording (if they know about it) and that you are there for them if they need you.
If you happen to get her on the phone, ask her not to record your conversations with your daughters. If she refuses to comply, then make sure to let her know, on record, that you are glad that there will be a recording of how uncooperative she is being. Ask her, on record, if she thinks you are going to hatch some sort of plan against her that you will talk to your daughters about? Ask her what she is hoping to hear? If she is trying to “prove” that you are working, tell her to keep trying and talk to your daughters like you don’t care. Tell them, on record how much you miss them and love them and can’t wait to see them again. Talk to them. You aren’t giving her information that she shouldn’t already know and the private conversations can take place while they are with you.
You have a right as a father to spend time with your children. If you do not already have a custody arrangement then you have the right to equal time with your children without the other parent interfering. If you have a custody arrangement then that should be followed and there should be no question of withholding visitations. Sadly, it sounds as though she is angry and may not be willing to work with you on visitations or anything else. This may result in mediation or taking her to court. Hopefully, she will realize that this behavior does no one any good and possibly will alienate your children from her.
Good Luck
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Voice: 704.307.4600
Main Fax: 704.943.0044
1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.
My ex-wife will only allow my daughters to speak to me from their house phone. She has told me she is recording all of our conversations. I can hear her in the background asking my 8 year old to ask me questions about what I did all day (I am currently disabled and do not work, although she is convinced that I do). I can not have a private conversation with either of my daughters. Both of the girls have cell phones (paid for by me) in order for me to be able to call them and for them to call me. If they DO answer them, she makes them hang up and call me from their house phone.
There are no reasons for me NOT to be in contact with them ie abuse etc.
Is there ANYTHING I can do to be able to talk to my girls without her listening in?
I miss them very much and unless I take the phone calls from their home phone number, I do not have contact with them. The only exception is when they are with me every other weekend. She also withholds visitation if I have not been able to give her any money over and above the child support amount. What can I do about this?