Please Help!

sorry to be a pest … I wanted to try and file something this week, any suggestions?

You cd file a motion for a court appointed child coordinator or therapist (whatever they call them)to begin working with the child immediately. You must prove why the court shd do this. The fact the child is in therapy and your ex has refused to provide information on why may be reason to request it. I suggest you walk away from court.

You need to be proactive and find out who her therapist is and set up your appointment with that therapist to understand what your daughters issues are. Meet all of her teachers and cotors and make yourself known. The more you do this the more info they will give you and the heck with your ex-she will go crazy trying to get them to not release info to you, which they must do. You have a right to request looking at her therapist file-you wont get much out of it, but become a part of her therapy (hopefully your ex is paying for it?) You cd supeana the therapist to court, file a motion in contempt against her for breaching the order if she made those statements to your child but for the best response in all this all you need to do is continue to be active as her father and do less worrying. As she grows she will know you as her father unless you do not remain a constant in her life. She will come thru this with you as her father even if you did nothing thru court. You will see her maturity in this around 9-10 yrs of age. Speaking from experiance. Its toomuch to determine your strategy in court. The question is do you waste your energy and money going to court which you will lose anyay or do you place your time and money and energy into being your daughters father. Volunteer at her school, eat lunch with her at her school. Attend her class functions, ask her teachers for their email address and begin communication with them. The teachers will welcome your questuions and involvment. Spend your time with your daughter and become the more stable enviroment between you and her mom. Ask to know when her doctor apptmnts are(call her doctors office, they will tell you when they are scheduled, you may need to walk in to get them used to you)and attend them. Its too complicated determining which motion to file at what time. You have to be organized. Forget court, be the best dad you can be, DOCUMENT EVERYTHING-not for court, but for your daughter when she is an adult. You wont be able to remember it all. I know your situation.

I have tried to get involved … the problem is i live in greenville and she in jacksonville with her mother. she is married to a marine so my daughter goes to a doctor on base and getting in touch with them is near impossible! I do know who her therapist is, she was actually our marriage counselor too (of course!)
I have talked to her teacher, but she recently had a baby and the sub is weary about getting involved. My daughter told me recently though that her step dad has been shipped away and wo’t be back for 16 months. So as horrible as it sounds, at least i am the only dad she has for a while.
I’m picking her up tomorrow and watching her PTO performance with her class. I’d like to think that I’m a good dad.

I was a Captain the Air Force. Make the apptmnt to meet with her therapist and get yourself involved in her therapy. If the therapist refuses I wd suggest file a motion based on the therapist refusal to allow you to get involved and ask the court for this therapist not be allowed to worjk with your daughter unless she consents to working with you as well (I did)

Most important-if the mother refuses to allow you to see your daughter during the times stated in an active visitation order file a motion to change the order. What you want to ask for is that Jurisdiction moved into the hands of the Sheriffs since yu are out of town and do not have the resources to continue to come to court each time she refuses. When she refuses to allow you to have your daughter the Sherifs office will have the legal jurisdiction to force her to allow you to have your daughter for your visitation. Provide your documentation every time she has refused your visitation. Your order has to have specified visitation though.

I wd suggest file a motion for a change in child support to include your travel cost, gas, mileage,toll fees, etc included since you live out of town. You will need to produce every receipt and have documented proof of every expendature.

These motions can be filed pro se’. It will just require your time.

cmc1209, you are your daughter’s father. Your ex’s present husband is not your daughter’s father. (Does he pay child support for her, or do you pay child support??? Does your daughter have his genes, or your genes? Did he legally adopt her, or did he not? Were your parental rights terminated, or were they not?) Your daughter should most definitely not be calling your ex’s present husband “daddy.” If anything, this practice has led to confusion on your daughter’s part. Any judge who would include this garbage in a court order - even if the parties agree to it - is a d***** fool.

Your number one priority must be to maintain a proper father-daughter relationship with your daughter. Your ex-wife should respect and value that. If she doesn’t, you could always try to get judge to change custody order in some way. Don’t get you hopes up, though. Judges do whatever they want with child custody. You might believe ex is alienating daughter from you; judge might think otherwise.

My advice is to set your daughter straight on your relationship to her. Kids are smart and resilient. They also want their real parents to fight for them and take an interest in them. Your daughter won’t be any the worse for your insistence that she call you - and only you - “daddy” from now on.

Does your order explicitly state that you don’t have access to daughter’s health and educational records? If not, daughter’s teacher and therapist must talk to you. See NCGS 50-13.2(b). “Absent an order of the court to the contrary, each parent shall have equal access to the records of the minor child involving the health, education, and welfare of the child.”

If you want to go back to court, you need to be concerned with both procedure and substance. In addition to the NC General Statutes pertaining to civil procedure in general and custody/support in particular, many district courts have their own “local rules.” You could get tripped up with any of the large number of rules that must be followed. Still, if you are determined, a lot of no-cost resources are available to you. Take a look at the Wake County “local rules and forms” website ( … ountyID=92) for some examples of what a basic “motion” document looks like. You’ll need to customize these forms for your own case, of course. Also, be sure to look at the “local rules and forms” website for the NC county that presently has jurisdiction over your case.

As I’ve said in prior posts, court is a crapshoot. You could walk away with nothing. You might even lose some of what you had before. Sometimes, though, there’s no other way and you have to resort to a highly-imperfect judicial system. Only you (and you attorney, if you have one) can decide what’s best in your particular case.

thanks for the advice. i tried to get in touch with her therapist today, but no luck. I’ll keep at it though!

Dear cmc1209:

Greetings. First, you need to stop looking to the court to solve all of your problems with your ex - as that will never happen. Instead, my advice is that you write e-mails/letters to your ex, keeping copies. The letters should address the problems and pose solutions. Always give her a deadline to respond in writing by.

Next, the one thing that should happen is that she provides you with the therapist information immediately. Again, use a letter. When she does not respond, then you should file an action with the court holding her in contempt and this time, don’t back down. Get the information, contact the therapist and see what you can do to help the issues. You can’t fix your ex, so just work on your side. Good luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

I posted this problem about month ago … but I’m trying again.

My ex-wife and I have had a rather strained relationship since our divorce. She has been less than willing to allow me to see our daughter. I have filed a total of 3 contempt motions against her for violation of our visitation order, all which have been dropped upon entry of our current order.

She is re-married, and has 2 children with her new husband, and they all live together, including my daughter (she is 6). In the current order my ex insisted that my daughter be allowed to called her new husband “daddy” as to not confuse the 2 younger children. I didn’t object, because I felt it may make my daughter feel more comfortable, she wouldn’t feel differant at home. And that was fine.

Recently when she was visiting me she began asking me question about why she comes to see me. I told her, “I am your daddy … that’s why?” The she went on to tell me that her mommy told her I wasn’t her daddy anymore and that [her stepdad] was her dad now. So I asked her “who does your mommy say I am?” she said “ricky”.

So it seems like my ex is telling my daughter that I am not her father, and that her new husband is. When she asked that my daughter be allowed to call him dad that was fine, but if she is using that to make my daughter think I am not her father that is another matter entirely.

In the order we have now there is a clause that states “neither party will do or say anything to or in front of the child that may alienate her from the love and affection of either party”. My question is, could my ex-wife’s actions be considering alienation of the child affection? If so, what do I ask the court to do?

My daughter also told me that she has been going to see a therapist (not her words of course). I asked my ex about this and she refuses to tell me about it. I am concerned about my daughter’s confusion and would like to help … but I am kind of alone here. What should I do??? Please Help … my baby needs me!