Very Confused, Please Help

I would suggest that you contact the local SS office to find out what you can do about getting a replacement card.

Parental rights must be taken away by the court or I believe that they can be given up if there is another adult willing to adopt that child. I would suggest that you wait on this for the 3 months until you become residents of NC before you do anything about this. Give some time also to see if the mother is just adjusting to the situation or if she is indeed not interested in keeping a relationship with her daughter.
Depending on whether you are just separated, already divorced and whether or not you have an agreement, you should consult an attorney on the custody issue. It sounds as though you have primary legal and physical custody of your child, but if you had an agreement stating differently, you may need to file for it.

I commend you on attempting to keep the mother informed on matters concerning the child, but it sounds as though she does not want to be a part of her life. Do you have a custody agreement, separation agreement? I suggest keeping a record of any major decisions and your attempts to contact the mother. Do you want child support?

The best thing to do right now, is to go to SS office, request a new card. Explain the situation to them…you may have to pay, but it’s better than not having a card. Enroll her in Kindergarten. Do whatever necessary to take care of her and wait. Keep records of all money spent, all attempts to contact the mother, all information that you can think of. Send her certified letters to her work, with requests for information or informing her of issues. Keep copies. Take care of yourself and your daughter first.

I’ve already taken care of everything that needed handling so far as my daughter’s schooling was concerned. I merely used that as an example of how her mother isn’t doing her part to help out - even when it’s something as easy as putting a card in an envelope and mailing it.

So far as child support goes; I feel it is only appropriate for her to assist me in the raising of our daughter. Just as I wish for her to be there for our child emotionally, I believe she should be there financially, as well. I realize I would end up with a lion’s share anyway, but every little bit helps and since I will likely have our daughter for most of the year, it only seems right.

I will wait this out another few months so we can establish NC as jurisdiction, then file for the divorce and for custody. At the moment, there is no legal agreement or order in place. I simply knew that we had to leave, and her mother allowed us to without argument.

Once you have been in North Carolina for six months this state would have jurisdiction over the custody issues. If you intend to stay here then it may be best to wait until this state has jurisdiction. In order for her rights to be terminated your Wife would have to go a period of time without paying support or attempting to see your child. The time period differs depending on whether there is a custody order in place.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
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301 McCullough Drive
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Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

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Durham, NC 27713
Phone: (919) 321-0780


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On May 23rd, My 5-year old daughter and myself left my wife in Missouri and came to NC. Obviously her mother agreed to this. The problems I am having are that my wife has only contacted us four times over the past three months; and hasn’t contacted us at all for almost three weeks now. I have left voice messages, emails, and even a fax sent to her work…and still no reply. As of this past Wednesday, she’s changed her phone number. She also relocated and hasn’t given us her new address. She is unable to accept calls at work, although I’ve tried. She hasn’t been assisting me with the cost of raising our daughter, nor has she complied with even the simplest requests (for example, I needed my daughter’s Social Security Card to enroll her in Kindergarten this year). I am at my wit’s end here. While I want my daughter to have a relationship with her mother, I cannot force my wife to want that and act accordingly.

I have no idea what to do…or even what I CAN do about this. I believe that, legally, I still need to consult my wife on matters regarding my daughter’s medical care and schooling - but I am unable to do so when she’s pretty much gone missing. What are the requirements for having her Parental Rights revoked, and would I have to do so through Missouri since we’ve only been in NC for three months? Would it be better to wait it out another three months, then approach a judge with all this information and trust in the system to do what’s best for my daughter? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.