Please advise on using Alienation of affection


I recently learned that my husband cheated on me in Asheville. The woman who met him and after two hours seduced him (when he was drunk) to have sex in her car on the parking lot of a hotel. This woman lives and works in Asheville. I am living in Connecticut with my family.
The group of people that had joined my husband were all people pretending to be our mutual friends. The woman who first slept and after tried to start an affair with my husband was a friend of someone pretending to be my friend.

When my husband left Asheville (morning after the adultery) she proceeded to contact him via Facebook and after getting his email address she started sending him emails with all the sexual fantasies she had about him. She also added herself to his IM and was sending him messages during the day.

I found about this affaire a couple of days ago (it had stopped before I found out because she apparently found someone else) and will request a divorce soon and will have to sell my house. I have tried to discuss this with all the ‘friends’ involved but all of a sudden nobody knew her or wanted to get involved (in my head it was already too late to say this to me at this point)

After the discovery I have tried to contact the woman who cheated with my husband via phone and email to discuss her motives and help me get closure, she has ignored all my efforts to reach her so far. I have two small children (3 and 6 years old) and moved to the us from Europe for my husband’s work 2 years ago.
I am in the US as a dependent of my husband, but did manage to find a full time job that I really enjoy. This divorce will likely change my immigration status and require me to go back to Europe with my children and thus this affaire will literally break up my family.

You might understand how deeply hurt I am not to speak of all the extra costs I will incur due to this divorce. Would it be possible for me to make use of the alienation of affection suit? I really would like her to understand that it’s NOT ok to do this to anybody and that ignoring me does not make it any less horrible what she did.

Many thanks for any help you can offer.


Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation tortes are very expensive to pursue. Large payouts are rare and it can be even more difficult to get someone to actually pay. If the paramour is independently wealthy it may be worth your while, but otherwise it will be more of a pain than anything else. These are very long drawn out cases where even your personal life and habits are exposed.

Thank you for the reply…

It’s dissapointing to realise I will have to let this go because of costs associated with such a trial. To me it was more about wanting to know her motives for ruining a family than to get money out of it as I know this woman does not have any money…

Unfortunately she does not have the decency to answer any of my emails or calls with my request for an explaination of her actions. I have come to know that she already started her new ‘project’ which will lead to another family seperating when the wife eventually will find out.

Very frustrating that these kind of people are walking around causing all this damage without being held accountable for it.


I understand your hurt, but the closure you want you should seek by being happy and living a good life.

EndoftheLine gave good advice. If you are interested in pursuing an alienation of affection claim or learning more about it, it is best to have a consultation with an attorney to discuss the specifics of your case, the likelihood of success, and the potential outcome in the event of success. Knowing this, coupled with the expenses involved, as well as your other options, will allow you to make an informed decision about how to proceed.

I’m sorry for your hurt…what goes around, comes around…she will get paid back some way, some how. God sees EVERYTHING…

I want to thank you all for being so kind to respond to my story and giving good advice.
Hopefully it is true what they say about Karma.
I have now started the divorce procedure and will have to guide my 2 young boys through this as best as I can.

Kind regards,

I am not an attorney but I would ask you to consider another solution. You stated that he was drunk at the time. If he was legally drunk, then he may not have been able to give informed consent. I am not necessarily suggesting that she raped him but this may be a mitigating circumstance. Have you spoken with your husband? Has he asked for forgiveness? Have you considered marriage counseling? Are you willing to throw away your marriage for one mistake? Think about it.