ok…here goes… been married for nearly 8.5 years, we have 3 daughters, ages 7, 6, and 5. i’m a sahm, and he works under the table as a ‘jack of all trades.’ i’m currently in school online through a local college studying accounting and financial advising. i have several issues with my stbxh, that i have addressed to him many times, but it never seems to sink in with him. he’s 34, and a 9th grade drop-out; he’s said many times over the years he’ll go back for at least the ged, but always has an excuse why he can’t, or conveniently forgets to register. he claims he ‘needs’ to drink in order to have a good time and relax. he has not held down a steady job since summer of 2004, jumping from construction job to whatever every so often. he spends the minimum time he can with me and our daughters. constantly claims he is too broke to buy a few extras here and there for the family, yet has enough to go to the bar with friends and buy junk cars he says he plans to restore and sell. we argue constantly! he will call me up during the day asking me where i am, and when i tell him he will often call me a liar, accuse me of wh*ring around, and things of that nature. he will get up in our daughters’ faces and demand they tell him exactly where we went and who all was there, and when they tell him that it was just me and them or that we went to see my grandparents and that’s it, will accuse me of telling the girls to lie to him to protect myself. again, he and i do not get along, and rarely talk anymore. most discussions lead to arguments with us. basically, his attitude to wards me and the girls, lack of motivation and ambition to better his life job and education wise, the fact he sees drinking and his friends as more important than our family, and his constant accusations towards me, make me feel as though the likelihood of our marriage staying intact is bordering on impossible. anyone else experience anything like this or similar to it, or have any advice to offer? please? thanks!
As with some of the other posters on here, only you can decide if you can stay in the marriage and want to make the marriage work. It sounds as though, with the relationship how you describe that your spouse is not interested in working on your marriage and is bordering on emotional abuse…just my opinion, but I’ve been in a similar situation in the past and it rarely gets better on it’s own. Often it gets worse the longer it goes on…
You have to make a decision and you need to base that decision on what’s best for you and your daughters. Once you have made that decision, do not let anything stop you from following through with it. Hang in there and keep us posted.
Why would you even want your marriage to work? He sounds like a first class loser. You’re setting a horrible example for your children to follow on what is a ‘normal’ marriage. Would you want your daughters to be treated in the way your husband treats you?
If your answers to those questions are the same as mine were (finally - after 12 years) you’‘ll know what you need to do to improve your (& your kids’) life.