My husband has now helped the object of his “interest” get a job in close proximity to him do that they can see each other anytime and I would not know it. He can also claim its innocent and they just ran into each other. Can I use this continued pursuit to get him out of the house? Do I still have to prove a romantic involvement (I think he is infatuated and she is smart enough to use him for a good job)? Thanks.
Even if he’s having an affair you can’t make him leave the marital home.
Mere infatuation isn’t grounds for anything. If they act on it, then you may have grounds for a criminal conversation suit provided you can prove a sexual act. If she encourages him to leave you and he does, then you may have grounds to file for Alienation of Affection against her, although it isn’t worth it unless she has sizable financial resources and you have the money to spend on attorneys.
FWIW, just my personal opinion because I’ve been down this road before, but don’t let suspicion and jealousy lead you to think that infidelity is where it isn’t. I was accused of engaging in infidelity with another person that I had nothing other than a professional working relationship and a personal friendship with. In the end, after he finally got tired of the verbal and physical abuse, he left his wife. We began dating after the separation and are now married. She still thinks that we had an affair while he was married, but we never did, however, the pressure that she placed upon us when we actually did start dating made us see that we actually had similar communication patterns and similar outlooks on life. In the end, we got married and have a wonderful relationship. We’ve been together for over 6 years. It seems like 2. When we were just friends, he would’ve helped me get a job (if I had needed one) and it still would’ve been just a favour done for a friend.
Your husband may be vulnerable right now, but that doesn’t mean that anything has happened. There is a line between attraction and acting on attraction. It’s natural to be attracted to others after marriage, just that one shouldn’t engage in activities that would allow it to result in something more. Suspicion where infidelity isn’t, can drive your husband straight into the arms of someone else. If you are concerned that he is interested in another person, engage him to do fun things that you both enjoy, make him remember the good times, and open up a calm dialogue about your fears and your need for reassurance.
Sadly, lying and deceipt are deal breakers for me in a marriage whether sex is involved or not. I must be part of a dying breed in that respect, but a spouse who lies about being with a member of the opposite sex when there has never been a problem with his late nights or bar nights or guy weekends is up to no good. I have never been a wife to say anything but “get a cab if you need to” so there was no reason to lie if it was innocent-ironically,if he had been honest, I would have thought nothing of any of the times he was with her (or the other women he met and lied about). The fact that he chose to lie tells me there is more. I don’t see why the continuation of this pattern doesn’t constitute “indignities”.