Hello,
My ex bf and I share a child together. Our daughter primarily lives with me and I take care of everything in regards to pre-school, doctors, and just life in general. Her father is a truck driver and gets her when his schedule allows which has never been an issue because she’s 4. His schedule changes about every 6 months and now that she’s ready to start kindergarten it is making things a little more difficult. He doesn’t want to get her during the week, only on weekends. I don’t agree to that because that means I only get to see her around 15 hours a week by the time we get done with homework, dinner, bath and bed. I’ve asked for every other weekend and he can get her one day during the week. Last night he threatened to get a lawyer and take me to court over custody which I have honestly tried to not do, for his sake. I have never kept her from him and that isn’t my intention now. I just want to come up with something that works best for our daughter… Is there somewhere or someone we can speak with that would perhaps act as a 3rd party mediator to help us come to an agreement without taking things to court?
My other question is: Can I legally stop him from taking her to his parents house? His parents and siblings have a long history of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, arrest records, jail time, etc. There have been instances before we broke up that we would go visit his family and his family would be smoking weed in front of everyone. I would take my daughter and go sit in the car or make an excuse to run an errand and remove her from the situation. We went to therapy for a year before we broke up and even the therapist stated it was not a safe environment for a child. When we were together we decided together not to take her in that environment and that we would always meet them at a public restaurant or have them come to us so that they can still be in her life. However, when we broke up that apparently went out the window. I’ve asked repeatedly for him to not take her but he still continues to do so. Do I have any options?
Thanks for your input!
Joint custody (50/50) is the “norm” for custody schedules. However, sometimes a 50/50 custody situation is not possible for some parents, usually because of one parent’s work schedule. Every other weekend plus one day or overnight during the week is not unreasonable given the father’s work schedule, however, it’s possible that a judge would award him more than this.
You can employ a third party family mediator to help mediate the custody issue however, the end result would only be a contract. If a custody action is filed, there is mandatory custody mediation that must be completed prior to any court dates. If successful, this would result in a Parenting Agreement, which becomes a court order.
You can prevent the father from taking the child to his parents’ house in a Parenting Agreement or court order. If in a Parenting Agreement, the father would have to agree to this provision being included, which would be done in the mandatory custody mediation. Otherwise, you could prevent evidence at trial as to why the parents’ house is unsafe and ask the judge to order that he not take the child to his parents’ house.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
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