Restraining order mess!

Yes, you are still separated because you have not resumed your marital relationship. Even the occasional physical resumption of a relationship would not mean that you have reconciled.

The restraining order may be a different story and would depend on what it states. If he is not to be within so many feet/yards from your residence, work or from your person then you are violating the order. I do not know if you can rescend it or not.
If it’s just a restraining order for threats and harassment, then I would say it would be a matter of what type of harassment was being focused on when you got the order and if that is still occuring. It would be easier not to have him around you at all so there is no chance for threats or harassment, but I can see how with your situation that is not possible. Read over the order again and see what it states…

This would likely be considered separation for the purpose of obtaining a divorce. However, if the order requires him to stay away from the marital residence he is violating the order by being there. You are not in violation of the order, but you cannot give him permission to violate it.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Sutton Station
5826 Fayetteville Rd. Suite 205
Durham, NC 27713
Phone: (919) 321-0780


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

I was granted a restraining order against my husband in Feb’08.He is not to threaten or harass me and I have custody of the children, and primary dwelling. We have 2 small children that need joint parental support for school schedules/ daycare pick ups etc. and it was acknowledged that we must have communication for the sake of the children. He has not secured an apartment yet and it is November. He bounces from hotel, to friend’s house. Since July, I know he comes by the house and stays during the day and keeps the children in a safe environment after school…etc. while I am at work. He leaves immediately when I come home. Even though unspoken I am allowing this for the safety of my children. His situation is too unstable. I wouldn’t be able to work (as I am the sole bread winner for them) if he didn’t help with his children. He has spent the night maybe a total of 5 times to care for the children when I have needed to go out of town, but he has never spent the night when I am there. Am I breaking the restraining order, and would this still be counted as a separation?