Secret Visitors


#1

Dear Frustrateddaddy,

Unfortunately, I do not know why your attorney would say that a criminal conversation claim would not be a good idea. Apparently, he or she feels, based on your facts, that there may be a defense.

If you have moved out of the house, then you really don’t have much recourse to keep the paramour out of the house. You will probably need to pursue a custody case, and get the kids out of the house and away from this person if you think they are a danger to your kids.

Good luck,

Shonnese D. Stanback
Attorney
The Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 200
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.256.1534 direct voice
919.256.1667 direct fax
919.787.6668 main voice
919.787.6361 main fax
NCdivorce.com
email: sstanback@rosen.com

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#2

In your experience how would you defend it? Its a strict liability-type item. Way confused.

quote:
Originally posted by shonnese
Dear Frustrateddaddy,

Unfortunately, I do not know why your attorney would say that a criminal conversation claim would not be a good idea. Apparently, he or she feels, based on your facts, that there may be a defense.

If you have moved out of the house, then you really don’t have much recourse to keep the paramour out of the house. You will probably need to pursue a custody case, and get the kids out of the house and away from this person if you think they are a danger to your kids.

Good luck,

Shonnese D. Stanback
Attorney
The Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 200
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.256.1534 direct voice
919.256.1667 direct fax
919.787.6668 main voice
919.787.6361 main fax
NCdivorce.com
email: sstanback@rosen.com

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.



#3

Just a guess (keep that in mind)… but how was the information collected. If the emails, for example, were collected in violation of Federal law, that is, you did not have permission to access her email (even if it were on a machine you payed for), then those cannot be used in court. Further, how did you come by her diary? If you viewed it without her permission (i.e. you took without her knowledge), it may be a problem (again you may have violated the law). Lastly, how conclusive is the video?

Just a few thoughts. Hope they help. Sorry if they don’t.

Also…

Never underestimate the ability of a motivated litigator to turn “lots of proof” into very little proof. Remember Rodney King? They had video as well.

Also, I wouldn’t underestimate the threat of a suit. It may not stop the sex but it may keep him out of the house.

Hope that was helpful.


#4

Thanks…

My number one issue is that he is in the house. Not at all acceptable while the kids are there. Any leverage in terms of custody?

I found out based on serendipitous events (sort of): she told a mutual friend or two she had a boyfriend, that triggered a thought about something I saw on her cell phone bill, that lead me to more cell phone bills…then I hired a PI who has video of the guy arriving at the house (8:30 ish?) and video of him leaving the next AM (6:20am?). I sought out and found diaristic notes, emails printed out in a drawer in the bedroom of a house we jointly own in the entirety in which sex is clearly admitted (but no, no persmission on the notes.)

The suit threat in my mind is more for leverage in dealing with financial settlement. If she becomes unreasonable, demanding etc. then her choice is my money (there’s lots) or her boyfriend gets a big lawsuit. I’m not at all afraid to pull the trigger, but clearly don’t want to.

Also, I might use it actually to force her into a collaborative law and counseling setting. Believe it or not I think the marriage can be saved over time with help from good doctors – call me nuts. Just need some significant leverage to force the situation into a situation where help can be had.

quote:
Originally posted by lawstudent2be
Just a guess (keep that in mind)... but how was the information collected. If the emails, for example, were collected in violation of Federal law, that is, you did not have permission to access her email (even if it were on a machine you payed for), then those cannot be used in court. Further, how did you come by her diary? If you viewed it without her permission (i.e. you took without her knowledge), it may be a problem (again you may have violated the law). Lastly, how conclusive is the video?

Just a few thoughts. Hope they help. Sorry if they don’t.

Also…

Never underestimate the ability of a motivated litigator to turn “lots of proof” into very little proof. Remember Rodney King? They had video as well.

Also, I wouldn’t underestimate the threat of a suit. It may not stop the sex but it may keep him out of the house.

Hope that was helpful.



#5

Not a lawyer, but my understanding is that unless you can show that him being in the house poses a danger to the children then it will not have a bering on custody. The test is “what is best for the children”. Affairs, to my understanding, do not factor in that heavily.

Actually, you are aiming low by thinking the suit will be the way out of large alimony. It is my understanding that if you can show an affair (and the PI tape would go a long way) then she will forfeit her claim to alimony.

As far as the suit is concerned, if she treats the boyfriend the same way she treats you I don’t think the money you’d spend on it (I would budget about $15,000–it’s that expensive) would generate the result you want. Further, if the boyfriend does not have any assets on which to collect, you could find yourself out a serious sum of money and the boyfriend is still around. Or even worse you could find yourself fighting on two fronts (i.e. the boyfriend fights the suit and the wife goes for the jugular). My suggestion would be to concentrate on the children. Talk to your lawyer about emergency custody orders, so that instead of removing the boyfriend from the house, you remove the children. Also (and this, I think, is a very long shot), a restraining order to keep the boyfriend away from the children… say 1000 feet. Personally, I would concentrate on making all of this as easy on the children as possible. I would focus your resources on gaining primary custody of your children. It’s money much better spent. Not really a legal point–sorry–thought it might be helpful.

Hope that helps.


#6

Im so sorry hearing all that you are going through,Ive just went through something simaliar myself but mine didnt have a boyfriend until after she left, that I knew about anyway. The reason I wrote you is to let you know that you are going through a test that noone understands unless they have been through it themselves,and to tell you what i did…I decided that is was way over my head and so far out of my control that there was noone on this earth that could help me. I turned it all loose to the Lord and I tell you one thing …HE IS REAL. I went to court and really did nothing, custody of our son was basically handed to me. The advise I have to offer is not legal advise, but could be that only advise you will need going through this storm. Give it all to the Lord, get on your knees and say, Lord Jesus please help me through this …He will i promise, get yourself in Church …the Lord will make sure your children are in the hands of the parent choosing Him …take it to the bank, its for real…I never comment on things like this but I can feel your pain and wanted to give you the only way out …It was for me anyway. I will pray for you. [;)]

“Jesus wins everytime”


#7

Thanks for the kind note. This whole thing has been elevated. As much as she is “in the wrong” we’re married in a Christian sense which creates in my mind obligations for patience, forgiveness and compassion. That said, I feel I’m within my rights to defend myself and my kiddos. On a good note: we did managed to get the boyfriend out of the house. Thanks again.

quote:
Originally posted by JesusRules
Im so sorry hearing all that you are going through,Ive just went through something simaliar myself but mine didnt have a boyfriend until after she left, that I knew about anyway. The reason I wrote you is to let you know that you are going through a test that noone understands unless they have been through it themselves,and to tell you what i did....I decided that is was way over my head and so far out of my control that there was noone on this earth that could help me. I turned it all loose to the Lord and I tell you one thing ...HE IS REAL. I went to court and really did nothing, custody of our son was basically handed to me. The advise I have to offer is not legal advise, but could be that only advise you will need going through this storm. Give it all to the Lord, get on your knees and say, Lord Jesus please help me through this ....He will i promise, get yourself in Church ...the Lord will make sure your children are in the hands of the parent choosing Him ...take it to the bank, its for real....I never comment on things like this but I can feel your pain and wanted to give you the only way out ...It was for me anyway. I will pray for you. [;)]

“Jesus wins everytime”



#8

It turns out my wife’s paramour is coming into the house after our small children go to bed, they are having sex, he is spending the nite but leaving in the AM before the kids wake up. I have lots of proof ranging from emails to diary pages to video shot by a PI. She doesn’t know that I know this.

We are divorcing anyway, and although she has filed a complaint, no separation agreement exists.

A couple of questions:

  1. The criminal conversation tests seem pretty straight forward. And its clear that being separated does not bar such a suit. That said, my current lawyer doesn’t seem all to keen on pursuing it suggesting that there might be a defence against the suit based on the nature of our (dissolving) marriage. This just doesn’t make sense: we have an in-statute complaint, we have sex and we have a valid marriage (that is a final decree does not exists). Why wouldn’t a criminal conversation suit stick here?

  2. What are my options for keeping the paramour out of the house? It seems so clearly irresponsible and risky for the kids – even dangerous – all as a “common sense” matter. That said, my lawyer seems basically think all we can do is send them a nasty letter saying “stop it.”

  3. Are there any implications to custody given (2) above.

Im spending a lot of tearful evenings over this. Would greatly appreciate help!