Separation agreement timing...and a dating question


#1

My wife has had an affair and has moved out of the house (early August). While she wanted the girls (we have two young girls) 2 overnights a week, I refused b/c of safety concerns that I had. While she stated in an e-mail that I cannot legally keep the girls from being with her overnight, she “respects my decision.” She sees the girls roughly 9-10 hours per week (on 3 different days). My question is this: We do not have any legal papers signed and I feel like we should get a separation agreement signed asap. But another part of me doesn’t want to irritate her to the point where she demands having the girls overnights. Another fear I have is that she might demand them half of the time once she realizes that she would have to pay me child support. A lawyer friend of mine says that the longer the current situation continues, the better it will look for me if our case ever goes in front of a judge b/c she is basically indicating (by not challenging the no overnights) that the current situation is acceptable to her. What are your thoughts on this?

Dating question: Since I have evidence of an affair, I do not want to jeopardize any advantage I have in regards to not having to pay her alimony. Would dating with no sex be acceptable for me or could this nullify her affair in the eyes of the court?

Thank you so much!


#2

I agree with your lawyer, you are creating a pattern and a status quo for the children.
You are technically free to date (with no sex) after the date of separation, however, it may cause your ex to be less agreeable in the negotiation process.


#3

Thank you Erin. And just to clarify, your opinion is to not push for a separation agreement until our year of living apart is nearly up? Then at that point ask for child support and current visitation to remain similar? In other words, while child support would be nice now, I can survive without it for another 9 months. Thanks again!


#4

I can’t specifically advise you without a full understanding of the case and all the facts, which is beyond the scope of this forum, but I can say that based on what you have told me maintaining the status quo regarding custody sets you up in a better place down the road if she does try and seek more time with the children.
I wish you all the best.