Several questions


#1

Dear Anne32:

Greetings. First, before I answer any of these questions, let me ask you how long you have lived in this negative and manipulative situation?

Now to the questions:

  1. The separation agreement is generally drafted by your attorney and then the specific terms are negotiated between your attorney and your spouse or spouse’s attorney. If he does not agree, very often an attorney can give him specific motivation to work on the separation agreement and settle.

  2. Fault is useful in alimony claims. You can always testify about what you know and subpoena the woman into a deposition or court, but if you are a dependent spouse, you probably don’t need the fault evidence to get alimony. It is just “icing on the cake,” so to speak.

  3. You have a good idea about the bad parenting through financial irresponsibility.

  4. Generally, no a 15 year old felony will not be a factor in the custody action.

  5. No, financial resources are not as important in custody (since he can pay child support) as consistent and good parenting. I agree with your analysis on what a judge would value.

  6. Child support now is automatically garnished from his wages. He may not want to pay a dime, but his employer would pay for him automatically.

Keep your head up and let us know if we can assist you!

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney at Law
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
NCDivorce.com
919-787-6668

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#2

Janet,

Thank you so much for the response. The information you gave me did help A LOT! I have been in this situation for about 4 years. At the beginning of our relationship I was the money maker, and he didn’t even have a job. However, when I was six months pregnant my department was laid off, and we lost my income, and a company car. He has admitted that he blames me for the layoff, and he says that I ruined the future of our family. It was a department layoff! Anyway, we’ve tried to work through that problem and he still can’t get over it. He admitted to trying to punish me financially also.

One last question. He said that if I leave it would be considered abandonment, and I would never get alimony, and it would count against me for custody. With all this going on, I would think that my reasons for leaving are warranted. If you can’t tell… he’s very manipulative, and unfortunately sometimes it works!

Again, Thank you very much,

Anne


#3

Well, he just packed up to go off to the beach for the weekend again. Of course we weren’t asked to go, we never are. I am starting to enjoy watching him get that neuse tighter and tigher. lol.

Thanks again,

Anne


#4

Dear Anne32:

Greetings again. Yes, if you moved out it would be abandonment. Abandonment is just one type of fault which affects alimony. Abandonment does not necessarily do away with alimony, but it is a factor the court is allowed to consider.

The bottom line though is that if you don’t move out, your situation in the home will only get worse. I think a judge would clearly see that you had very little option. Best of luck!

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney at Law
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
NCDivorce.com
919-787-6668

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#5
  1. How does the seperation agreement work? He says I will not take the kids, and he will not pay a dime. What is the time frame on getting a seperation agreement? What happens if there is no agreement… he won’t agree? We have tried this before, and he drafted his own that basically said I could take my clothes, and the kitchen table! So, no children, and no money.

  2. I have proof of two adulterous incidents, but I’m not sure if the proof is enough. The first is a co-worker of mine who used to work in a restaurant and witnessed him flirting, and leaving with another waitress. According to her, he asked her out on several occasions, but she dosn’t know if they ever did “go out”. The next is that I heard a voicemail that I know I can’t use as proof. But, I have the woman’s first and last name, address, and phone number. They went to the beach together for the weekend. Even though she spilled her guts to me, my husband said that I cannot proove that anything happened, and this other woman would deny that anything happened. His lawyer told him that I had no proof, and he had nothing to worry about.

  3. I’m also trying to proove that he financially abuses the children and I if that makes any sense. Basically he drives a new SUV, I drive a 91 Ford with no AC. He runs off to the beach about every other weekend, and leaves me here with no money or food. Bottom line is he makes 63k a year, and I make 4k a year working part time. With my 4k I am in charge of groceries, gas, insurance, phone, clothes and shoes for me, clothes and shoes for the girls, haircuts, co-pays, and the mountain of medical bills that he has not paid a dime on from the birth of our children. I’m thinking that I should get copies of his bank and credit card statements, take pictures of his car, and take pictures of his Banana Republic wardrobe. Any other suggestions?

  4. Does the fact that he has a 15 year old felony help at all with the custody? He is trying to bring up my wild past… which was not illegal at all. I’m hoping maybe his and mine would just cancel each other out???

  5. He says that no judge would ever give me custody because I don’t make any money. Is this true? I work 15 hours a week, but I’m trying to turn that into 30. I work this job because I can take my children to work with me, and it saves a ton of money in daycare, and I’m still basically a stay at home mother. I would think that a judge would value the time with the mother, rather than children being in daycare because their father works 50-60 hours a week.

  6. How do they set up child support? I know for a fact that he will not pay a dime. Do they take this into consideration? Would they immediatly set up wage garnishment? Or, does he have to proove to the court that he is not going to pay before they step in?

I am in no hurry. We have had 3 almost divorces in 5 years of marriage. I’ve put up with it this long, I can deal with it a bit longer. I just know that I have to make sure all my ducks are in a row. I cannot take the chance of not being prepared, and him trying to take the children away from me. He keeps trying to set me up to try to get some evidence that I’m a bad mother.