Sexual photos, custody, what can I do about this?


I am uncertain of what I can do about this… I will provide a bit of background here.

I was in a custody fights with my ex for a little more than a year. I do not have the $ to have a lawyer to present me. So I went into the court room as pro se against his lawyer, him and his current girlfriend. It was 3 against 1, which I really never want to do that again. Earlier this Spring, I finally signed an agreement in giving my ex custody of the children. The judge had signed and granted the custody order.
(He owns a large home, and has a very stable job with good income. I as a mom who lives in an apartment and low income. I really had believed that they were/will provide the kids a good health family environment. The girlfriend has a son with her ex. They bought a house together. All 3 kids live with them. I do know that my ex loves the kids. They have been together for a bit more than 2 years now.)

My kids just came to visit this past weekend. My kids have two memory sticks. They told me dad had gave them those. One kid each. (I am uncertain if they took it somewhere from the house…) However, I was shocked to discover that 1 of the memory stick has some very inappropriate sexual photos of my ex and his current girlfriend’s SM threesome photos.

I am guessing, either he didn’t check if the jump drive is empty… or the kids found it somewhere and took it. My kids are 10 and 7. I am certain that my 10 years old saw the pictures… he knows how to use computer well, and I had bought him a jump drives to load pictures that he takes, his pets, trees, or things he is making. He usually show me those pictures. Though, he lost that one 2-3 weeks ago. So, I thought dad bought him a new drive… I didn’t think much when they came this weekend, both have jump drives.
Out of curious, I ask my 7 years old son, if he also put some pictures in his jump drive… and that was how I discover the inappropriate pictures. They were right beside me. I had to shut down the computer right away!

What can I do about this? I had signed an agreement in giving the full custody to my ex in early this spring. Is this enough to ask for change of custody? What should I do?


It would be necessary to determine the extent that your children have been exposed to this material before making a determination of whether the exposure could be considered a substantial change in circumstances upon which the court could base an order changing custody. If, aside from this occurrence, you still believe that this is a good environment for the children, then I would work towards a solution with him. You will need to address this situation with him, determine their exposure, and have him give you detailed plans on how he will keep this material from the children in the future so this doesn’t occur again.


Hi Ms. Putiri,

Thank you for your respond and time.

I spoke to my sons. Unfortunately, they did see the pictures… Although, they said they didn’t see all of them. My older son said his brother got it from dad’s room. Younger son said it was already in his room. I guess both of them don’t want to admit whoever gotten it, probably fear to be blamed at. (I don’t care as much as who gotten it, really.)

Besides the fact that they saw some of the pictures.
I think, this is a way of life that I am very much disagreeing. I don’t think this type of life style will go away… I have already asked dad to lock up all private things. However, I felt that if I do not do something about it, and take them away from this type of life style… Am I not leaving a “time bomb” in which who knows what may happen in the future. (The pictures involves domination of them tied up/whipped another woman, also the after effect bruising. I moved the pictures to my computer, and wiped the jump drive clean.)

I want my children to grow up in an environment where they can build a healthy relationship themselves when they grow up. Good role models. If I had known about this life style, I would have never consent him to have the full custody. It troubles me morally… I am uncertain how I could live with my conscience without trying to do something more.

Another problem for me is the inconsistency of baby sitters. The baby sitters keep on changing… I have lost count for the past year. They pick the kids up from school on some days, due to their work. I know my job will allow me to come pick them up from school everyday. I am off at 2pm. I have a very simple life style. I have been single and lived alone for the past 5 years.

Their “good” environment, is really dad’s financial income and large house/land. So, I guess… materially well provided to the kids.
At the same times, my kids know I know about this. One day, when they are adults, they will understand what that was… I don’t want them to think that mom didn’t do anything about it… or to protect them.

This way of life was never discuss or known by me or the court.
Can’t the above be rightful reasons as “substantial change in circumstances”? Thank you in advances!


Yes, the changes may be enough to be a substantial change upon which the judge can base the change in custody. That is really up to the judge hearing your matter. It would really be best for you to have a full consultation with an attorney in your jurisdiction to dicuss the likely outcome if you bring this matter back before a judge.