She wouldnt work


#1

you have the option of filing for modification in child support. If you show she can work, the judge should rule to the amount she has the ability to make. With 50/50 custody, child support is pretty evenly spread with income. As far as child support for your sons, either file for modification or quit complaining. I know you are in a tight spot and she did you wrong, but these are you children… they had nothing to do with the seperation. I wouldn’t sweat too hard about going to jail… my ex has only paid when we go to court for the last 18+ months. We go back to court next month… hopefully this time the judge will be more stict. But that is in my case. You ex did you wrong, you can make sure you get your equitable share with ED. If you can prove adultry you will not have to pay alimony. Can she drive? If she truely has an epelipsy problem that is sever enough to prevent her from getting a license, then chances are she will get disability. As far as her back… my ex has claimed a back problem… and he does need surgery to fuse two vertibre together, but he does not qualify for disability because he can work, just not the kind of work he wants to do. You really need to get a lawyer, you are in a prime position to get royally screwed over.


#2

Thanks for the reply.I dont mean to complain and I assure you that my boys are well taken care of.I do without things so they can have what they need.I just dont want to have to pay so she can sit at her moms house and do nothing.That is why she moved out,her mom thinks she should only have to stay home and take care of the kids.Which she has never done very well.She thinks making dinner is a hot dog or a piece of bologna.She does have drivers license and I dont even know if she has epilepsy anymore.She had one seisure at 14 with a high fever but she or her mom are not interested in having her checked.I have never said a word to her about it except that mabye she could get off the meds that make her not want to do anything.she said no thanks,she would just stay the way she was.I swear that she is not disabled unless lazyness is a disability.she complained with her back this summer and the boys wanted her to go to Carowinds with us she never coplained one time about her back all day but two days later it was back to the same thing.I just hope a judge can see thru this and be fair to me.Thanks again for your reply. Darren

Darren Sarvis


#3

I realize I may have sounded harsh with the stop complaining remark. I deflected my frustration with not getting child support onto you. I apologize. You should keep a diary of the incidents where she is neglecting the kids. Document any incidents where she is not exhibiting back problems and so forth. If she is going for alimony, you can supponea her medical records to show that she can, in fact, work. You stated you have 50/50 custody… your support to her for the children should be lower than if she had sole custody. Any monies you pay on her “time” ex… school lunches, field trips, extracurricular activities should be reinbursed to you from her. Do not take it from the child support directly, she can say you didn’t pay the full amount. Document everything… I have a feeling this is going to get messy in a hurry… with sufficent documentation and verifiable facts to back you up, things should be fair for you and the boys… good luck.


#4

We actually dont have a custody agreement.I told her when we seperated it would be one week with me and one with her or I was hiring a lawyer and going for primary custody.so far so good.she wont sign any agreement, she says thinking about it is depressing.I told her she had to face it sooner or later.I asked if she wanted out of here so bad why not get it over with.she gives no reply.I think she thought the grass was greener on the other side but they turned out to be weeds.her mom is fineally pushing her to get a job.I guess she got tired of seeing her do nothing since May.But she doesnt seem to see why I have had enough.I know that Tammy is the exception to the rule that most women work hard.I hope someday I can find someone to work with me towards a common goal.This has not made me bitter towards women just disappointed in Tammy.Just have to keep my head on straight an do for the boys and I.Its got to get better sooner or later.I just want it over with and get started with my new life.I must admit that a little solitude is nice every once and awhile even though I miss my boys terribly when they are gone.Thanks for the advice.

Darren Sarvis


#5

I’m not sure what your specific question is?

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#6

I guess I tend to ramble.Filed for modification of child support today.Hope I get a fair Judge.I guess I need to know what to do after the mod hearing.

Darren Sarvis


#7

This sounds similar to what my husband went through with his ex. She left him, but for another man, and though she worked for her mother at the time they were only reporting her salary as if she worked part time so that child support would be more. She filed for Medicaid on the children and used it instead of the insurance that my husband was providing for the children. They told her that she made too much money to qualify for foodstamps. My stepson’s do not want for anything at our house and we have even provided extra because we know that their mother is not going to get what they need. Their agreement stated that she would buy clothes for the boys twice a year and that he would reimburse her up to $250 amount per child. This means that for him to give her $500 she would have to spend $1000. She spent around $350 and expected him to give her $500. She lives beyond her means. She uses the child support to pay her mortgage and then tells the boys that she doesn’t have money for thier lunch. They go to her house in nice, decent clothes and come home in trash. Clothes that are ripped or stained and too small.

I am not sure that DSS automatically goes after the other spouse for child support…it sounds as though she’s doing everything she can to get money so she probably mentioned to them that child support had not been paid and they jumped on that. IMHO, if you share equal custody you should share equal responsibility…

My question to you is this: Why would the court use salary and documentation from a previous separation almost 10 years ago rather than current information? If your stbx has been gainfully employed recently the judge would have to take into account that she CAN work but has chosen not to. Quitting your job because you don’t want to work and leaving for medical reasons are two different issues. Keep this in mind when you go to court for modification.
Also, the money that she took out of the IRA when the separation begun would need to be divided, regardless of how much she got. It is marital property and legally half of that $1800.00 is yours. Filing for Equitable Distribution should take care of that.
Keep documentation of everything. Even the days that the children are with you and a timeline of the separation events.
Good luck with the hearing!


#8

After the child support hearing, the court will give you directions on how and when to pay child support.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#9

I am a male 48 years old and have been seperated since may 25 2007
My wife and I have twin boys 9 years old .I have been the sole financial supporter since we got married right before the boys were born.My wife will not work to help me.she has had only a couple of temp jobs since we have been married.she will not help in the house My mom has to help me with clothes,cleaning etc.We were seperated in 2004 and hired attorneys with no resolution.she came back home in 2004 and agreed to go to work to help me.she still hadnt gone to work in early 2006 and I told her that if she didnt go to work I was hiring an attorney.she fineally went to work at Lowes in march 2006.
she worked 2006 and beginning of 2007.she had been hired permantly and we had benefits including health care and 401 k.she came home on may 25th and said she had quit her job.I told her she just couldnt quit because she had responsibiities to me and the boys.she said that she wasnt goint to work anymore.She said she was being threatened at work by a man and that is why she was quitting.I begged her to go back to lowes until we could resolve this and she said noway that she wasnt working there anymore.I then said that if she wasnt going to work that we were going to seperate.she said do you want me to leave and I said yes if you are not going to work and help that it was over between us.I didnt realize at the time that this was planned by her and her mom knew about it but i cant prove it but two weeks before she had our nefuew take some dishes back to her mom that she had given Tammy.And the week before I had come up from the shop and she was in the boys closet.She stuck her head ot of the closet and said she was getting some dresses of her moms to take back.I later realized that she was taking all the good clothes that I had bought the boys and putting them in bags to take to her moms.I also noticed that she had been washing clothes that week and she never does that until after she left an i saw that she just washed her clothes and put in a basket
that basket is all she took with her the day she moved out.Her and her Mom is saying that I kicked her out but all she had to do is stay and go towork .so how did all the boys clothes get to her moms otherwise.She is tring to say when she came to get her clothes she got the boys clothes but I was with her the whole time and thats a lie.A week later she said that her medicine was reacting on her and that is why she quit she had a seisure at age 14 and has epillepsy. I have never seen her have any type of seisure but uses her meds as an excuse to sit around and do nothing.Her mom mentioned to me that she thought she was having seisures in the morning when she got up and asked if i had seen any indcation . I said no.I checked with her work and asked them about her meds and they said that her reason for quitting was marital problems.and to take care of her mom that was just getting out of hospital.Now she tells me that its her back that is bad and her doctor is telling her that she might should file for disibility.Another lie. I have the boys one week and she has them the next.It has been that way since day one of seperation. I am the furtherest thing from a deadbeat dad but got papers in the mail for child support.Tammy had filed for medicaid and foodstamps and told me that whe she did that that the County automatically came after me to pay child support.I found out when I went to court that Tammy requested to reenact child support that was filed in 1998 when we seperated the first time.The judge reenacted the child support and wouldnt look at our income taxes from last year.he said I would have to file to get it modified and that I had better think hard about it because the laws have changed.that I could have to pay more.He said he wouldnt consider the fact that she quit her job and her pay would be based on her being unemployed.But mine wouldnt.I have been a hard worker for my family and have been self employed in the construction field since we have been married.My back and knees have gotten bad so I borrowed money and built a shop so I could work at home on boats.Wouldnt you know that the year I try this there is no water in the lakes and very little work to be done on boats.I am in the worst financial shape of my life.I have a mortgage for 100,000 ,home equity for 20,000 and credit cards for 30,000. I have only sent child support 1 time since sept 1 .I DONT HAVE THE MONEY!!! .I had to choose two weeks ago to either pay power bill and buy groceries or send child support.I chose to pay power.I know they are going to take me back to court and lock me up for not paying.but I just dont have it to give and I refuse to loose the boys an my home. I have 5.00 in the bank.I am looking for work but ter isnt any. My mom and dad are helping all they can.I just want what is fair.I have provided a very nice home for my wife and kids always.I am not a criminal.She hasnt worked one day since she has left.she moved in with her mom in Gaston county and took me to court over there.I am a resident fo Cleveland County NC and that is where the boys go to school.I also found out after she left that she had a boyfriend at work.I have the phone records and talked to the man.He first said he didnt know her,he is married,he then said he knew her but nothing was going on between them.Typical story. I have no money but need help.What do you suggest? Thanks Darren PS when she left there was approx 2500 in IRA she took it out and spent it and said it was her money.she only got 1800.00 with the penalty

Darren Sarvis