guess my question doesn;t rate an answer…

Ok here’s another one…
Where can I find an attorney in wake county :

  1. Willing to work out of Wake county (in Durham)
  2. that is willing to fight rather than to agree with the opposition or go along to get along?

Seems simple enough…

Sometimes it takes a week or so for an attorney to answer here.
I looked at this post yesterday. Until the divorce is final, I believe, she would be entitled to any information on property purchases because legally she would still have to be put on the deed. You need to document as much as you can. I do not think that this qualifies for credit accounts or anything other than property purchases. It’s considered separate property since it was purchased after the separation but I believe that she has to sign something so that legally her name isn’t connected to it.
If she is going for full custody then she must show why the courts should rule in favor of this. She will have to show that it is better for the child to be in her custody primarily. A lot of men do not believe that this is worth fighting in court and simply resign themselves to the fact that the mother will have custody. Find an attorney and unless you are willing to give in to her then fight for your child/children with everything you have. Children NEED both parents involved in their lives as much as possible. My suggestion is that you tell your STBX that you will agree to joint physical and legal custody with equal time. But that is the ONLY thing you would agree to. This shows that you want to, are willing and able to be with your child and take care of them. It also puts the burden on her of showing to the courts why she does not think you should have equal time with your children. Tell the courts that you do not want to “take your son away from her” but you want to be involved in his life also and you do not believe that she will allow that to happen. Take pictures of your home and the child’s rooms, the neighborhood. Anything so that the courts can “see” what life at your house would be for the child. Document everything and keep records of any money spent. Don’t try to prove what she has done wrong, simply show the court why it would be in your son’s best interest if you share custody.
My only question of this is why is her attorney sending more than one subpeona for the same information?

the real problem here is that our visitation schedule will be modified because I live in Wake County and she lives in durham.
the other problem I face is that I cannot seem to find an atty that is willing to fight for me. they all seem to just want to go along to get along. As a man my son is all I ever wanted in this life and by modifying our custody arrangement she is surepititiously forcing me out of his life.
As for my house- our equitable dist. states that we have no right to each other’s property anymore. period. so she has no right to those documents. Her name is not on them and she is not connected to the house in any way.
I have tried being the “nice” guy in all this but I am getting tired of the constant attacks and want them to stop and it seems that every aty I talk to says that there is nothing I can do about it.

Hoppefully when she gets served papers next week she will sign them-fat chance or at least I will have to wait 60 more days then I will be free from “some” of her harrassment.

sure wish I could find an attorney that would be willing to hang her out to dry and use the LAW instead of political relationships to do their jobs.

What type of custody arrangement do you have now? And you do realize that she has to pay for every subpeona? That should make you feel a little better. [;)]
I wish I had some knowledge of attorneys in that area for you. I know of a “shark” but he works around Caldwell, and Catawba counties. Possibly someone on these boards know of someone they could recommend.
Some of the things that she is asking for would almost have to be for the custody/child support case. Since you have an equitable distribution in effect then there’s really no reason for her to have this. I do not know what of the requested information is necessary or how much the courts would actually even see or used if you were to take it with you.
With our case for emergency temporary custody, her ex requested ALL finacial information for the last year from his personal and business. He carried in a box of paperwork, all the research that I had done for him, telephone recordings of their conversations, and receipts. This was subpeonaed for the prelim hearing where both attorney’s have an hour to present their case and call a witness or two and then the judge decides if he/she needs to hear more. The judge in our case decided to basically keep the separtion agreement intact as is until a date could be scheduled for the case.
After this prelim hearing, his ex realized that she had nothing on her side besides being a mother and that there were a lot of things riding against her so they came to an agreement and signed and since it had gone before the judge already, the judge had to sign it also, making it a court order. The agreement they came up with did not change from their original separation agreement much with a few exceptions that actually worked in our favor as far as the money.

the current arrangemt for custody was a permanent one (yeah right what an oxymoron- one that is permanent but can be modified at any time). anyhow we have 50/50 joint custody. we do not pay each other child support. I only pay for 1/2 his expenses for medical, insurance, and daycare.
She has been making unilateral decisions and gooing forth doing things that violate the 50/50 joint custody order.
I can count at least three instances where she couldbe held in contempt of court but I do not pursue it because it would only exacerbate the situation and we get into a pissing match and more legal fee’s etc.
And BTW, she does have to pay for the subpeona but her atty has asked that I pay for her atty costs in the motion. The motion was for contempt on my opart for not being ABLE to pay herr money in our equitable dist. agreement on time. I have since made my payments and should nullify her request for my personal and private documents.
what is your take on it?


I think that if she proceeds with this and it actually goes to court, not a whole lot will come out of it. The motion for contempt since you have already paid the money would probably be dropped, but I do not have knowledge of how exactly contempt hearings go. It should be seen as a waste of the courts time to go ahead with a contempt case after the offense has been corrected but I may be wrong. Basically, if the judge can see no red flags in your actions such as willfully not paying ED or not following the agreement they are going to see you in a better light. Have all the documentation of her not following the agreement and give it to your attorney, if you find one that is willing to fight for you.
The custody arrangement that you have now is actually the best scenario for your child. And I still believe that the burden will be on her shoulders to show why that should change, especially since she signed an agreement already for this arrangement. It sounds to me as though she is trying to get custody so that you will indeed have to pay her child support. You are correct in that you should pick your battles. There are some things that are not worth going to court over and would only make the situation worse in the end. When it comes to your son, it’s a good idea to fight for custody and hope that the court will see the current situation is a good compromise.

Btw, I belive that every attorney puts that request to have the other party pay their attorney fees. It’s usually not granted since normally you have to pay your attorney up front.
My husband’s attorney had this in his paperwork also. Their papers said he was to start paying her child support through the state October 1 but she didn’t sign the papers until Novemeber and the date never got changed when it was file. He had continued to pay her according to their original agreement while this was all being negotiated. After everything is over and done with, she goes back and tells her attorney that he didn’t pay child support for October. Her attorney actually quit representing her due to this but when it went to court, the judge told her that he had copies of the canceled checks made out to her. She tried to argue that they didn’t state that they were for child support, to which the judge replied that she didn’t think he would be paying her for the fun of it. The papers for this was supposed to have her paying his attorney fees if he “won” since he would not have had to defend against this had she simply agreed that he had paid her instead of the state for the month. He had already paid his attorney so the issue wasn’t enforced.
It seems as though I read on another post sometime in the past that it’s rarely enforced for one party to pay the attorney fees of the other. May be that an attorney from Rosen will answer this question specifically about the attorney fees.

I was told by my old attorney yesterday that since it will obviously be up to the court as to where he will go to school that I have a snowballs chance of him going to school in Wake county and therefore she would most likely be granted full custody on that basis(see my other post about being frustrated with help). I couldn;t understand this. He says it has to do with the fact that our custody arrnagement when we did it was done in durham and we both lived in durham. I since have moved to Wake county to a better neighborhood with better schools for the purpose of my son having a better life.
he says that because I did this that is lessened my chances of retaining joint custody or getting full custody. This whole concept refernces my frustration with having an attorney that is willing to figght and use the LAW to do his job ratrher than his political affiliations and relationships with judges. It seems so unfair that you pay an attorney to fight for you for a certain outcome and they all just seem to want to go laong to get along and end up siding with the EX who is the cheating money grubbing woman (loose term) she is now and all of her actions are completely vindictive.

Frustrating and don;t know where to find a REAL attorney.

If you have not yet divorced, you not only have to deal with the issue of child custody and child support, but also equitable distribution. That is the reason her attorney is requesting information regarding your home and bank accounts. Unfortunately, this information will be required if the two of you go to court. Since you stated that she is sending you subpoena’s I would guess that you are already in litigation. I would consult with an attorney as soon as possible to make sure you have not missed any important litigation deadlines.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

My ex decided this past year (2006) that she didn’t want to be married anymore.
We split up. 6-9 months later we started going through battles because she couldn’t own up to her responsibilities for what she has done to our family.
Now I find that every 2-3 months she is consistently having her attorney harrass me with requests for my personal records such as my home purchase recoerds- loan application, closing documents, all of the statements from my bank accounts for three months, etc. I just recieved a new subpeona this week requesting that information AGAIN!
Only difference this time is that I have bought a house three months ago for me and my son. she is going to press forward with child custody modification to obtain full custody- not sure how to stop that either since all the attorneys I have talked to say that nothing that she has done now or in the course of the marriage such as having affairs with mutiple people, excessively drinking, etc would even come into play.
I am trying to protect myself from this invasion of my privacy but for some reason there is no attorney that can tell me how to keep her out of my personal business! The documents she is requesting have no bearing on childsupport issues or anything pertinent to anything regarding our divorce or otherwise. If it were for child support then the only factor that comes into play would be my gross annual income and that is all they should be allowed access.

She works for a law firm in Durham and I have suspicions that she is using the legal resources at her office to delve into my credit information without my consent. My suspicions are based on verbal communication with her about issues into my personal finances that there is no way she should know unhless she is accessing that information illegally.

We have child custody order in place, we have equitable dist order in place which essentially states that she has not right to poke around in my business as we are living apart and separate as though we were never married. I am having to pursue having all of my credit accounts on credit watch. If I see that any inquiries have come from her office I will have to file a complaint with the bar association and have her boss disbarred (I am sure he knows about it but will disavow it)and have her paralegal license yanked.

What I want to know is if she can do this to me how can I go on the offensive and “legally” harass her to keep her busy enough that she won’t be able to think about harrasing me anymore until the divorce is filed and final. I filed for D this week.

Can an attorney offer any suggestions about how I can go about filing a subpeona for her information? I haven’t been able to find any pro se documents on the matter in the Durham family court website.

BTW, I am a former Rosen client- if that means anything…