The time has come


#1

Ok. I have made a few posts on here about what to do about my situation. My wife is making it very difficult for me to be able to see my son by myself. She insists that I can see my son whenever I want but That she will not let me take him with me. I know that I need to go file for my visitation rights. After the talk we had today on the phone it is very clear to me that she is no longer interested in our relationship and she basically told me that I have no rights to my son and that it is not her responsibility to bring him to come and see me. I told her if she is going to make it difficult for me to be able to see my son without having to have her tag along then I am going to make it difficult on her. Well her father butted in on the phone and said " you want this to go to court then good be ready" and he hung up the phone. Ok here are the questions that I have.
I have never ever abused or beat on my wife or my child.

Basically what I need to know is this. If my wife gets a lawyer will her parents be allowed to tell the lawyer what they want her to do? The way I see it this is between My wife and myself and that Her parents should not be allowed to have any involvment in the situation. My wife is living with her parents, She does not have a job, The car that I bought for her that I had to put in her name is sitting at her parents house with 2 flat tires and no insurance. I have sent her 1,000 dollars in 2 months time but still the car sits. My wife has made no effort to even let me see my son. I have always made the effort myself. She has never called me and asked if I wanted to come and see my son. She makes no effort to call me to tell me how my son is.

As far as the car is concerned. Since I bought the car while we were married even though the title is in her name I still have a say so in what is done with the car correct. Its obvious she is not using the car for anything good.

My fear is this, Her parents hate me badly, And I can now see that it is obvious that the women that said she would never leave me and that I was the love of her life has now taken the hate from her parents. I am scared that her parents are going to get her a lawyer and try to take my son away from me, Try to take every penny that I make because they do not want me to be his father. They Will Lie in court, I know they will. Will her parents be allowed to speak for her in court? Will the judge have anything to say about what her parents are saying? It is none of there business. Will my wife be able to get alimony from me? We have only been married for a year.

Basically I need to know some of the answers to these questions so I know what to expect. I know I need to file for custody/visitation. But i Need to get my license back before I do that, But what If the take me to court before I get my license back because she filed for custody.

i think We need to hire a mediator. How do I go about doing that?? Am I getting ready to get screwed over here?


#2

If your wife retains a lawyer it is possible that her parents will communicate with that attorney, however the attorney has an obligation to represent the client, and to do what the client wishes, not her parents. Her parents may testify in court and it will be up to the judge to determine their credibility.

The car, though titled in her name is martial property and will be accounted for in the distribution of property.

As for alimony, I believe it would be hard for your wife to prove that she established an increased standard of living in if the marriage was only 12 months.

Many counties will require the parties to attend mediation before a court day is scheduled.


#3

Thank you for your response. I have another question. It concerns absolute Divorce.
My wife may be trying to file for an Absolute Divorce behind my back without me knowing. I dont know for sure but supposibly she has had seperation papers for a month now and has made no effort to get me to sign them. Even the 3 times I was down there on the weekend she told me about them but did not want me to sign them. My wife is avoiding me, I dont understand it, If she wants a divorce then why try to avoid me. Anyway if she files for an absolute divorce then From what I have read this will waive all rights to Alimony/child custody and the like correct? So say she goes and files for absolute divorce, I do not know about it until the papers are served to me, What do I do about that since no agreement has been submitted by either of the two of us as far as the seperation agreement. Her parents are giving her false information and they know its wrong but they have made my wife beleive it so there is no telling what else they are going to try to tell her.

Can her parent’s get in any kind of trouble for what they are doing?? She is scared to death of her father and since he has told her that she cannot have anything to do with me or he is going to take our son away she has avoided me. There is absolutely nothing that I can do except hope that one day she realises what is going on??? There is nothing that I can do to protect my son???


#4

If she files for divorce and fails to include a claim for alimony prior to divorce, yes she waives her right to alimony and equitable distribution, the same will happen to you if she does file and you fail to file a counterclaim for equitable distribution prior to entry of divorce.

In order to protect your son you need to file for custody and visitation.


#5

Ok I am sorry but I have a few more questions. I am now believing that our marriage was never Legal. We got our marriage certificate. We had our pastor to perform the ceremony, We had a Witness but we never turned any paper work in to the courts. So legally we were never married.
My wife was threatening me with seperation papers. She has claimed to have them for over a month now. Last night she text’s me saying she misses me and wished that I was there. Well tonight when I call to talk to my son I asked if I could see my son this weekend and she said no that her father was taking him somewhere. I told her that While I am there we need to sit down and review the seperation papers and come to an agreement. She says now that we dont need them all we need is to be apart for a year. This is true but we have to have some sort of agreement on child custody/visitation/alimony etc etc. One night she text me saying all these sweet things then the next night she is being a retard to me.

Ok I was told that I need to break all contact with her, Not to go see my son anymore, and to not send her anymore money. In the Eyes of the court would’nt this hurt me in a custody situation. I mean everytime I want to go see my son I have to fight with someone. So why should I bother sending her money anymore if she has already filed for CS??? I Usually call to tell my son goodnight everynight. If I stop doing that will this be looked down upon me in court??

If it turns out that we were never legally married what do I do?


#6

Your marriage is legal and valid. The statue only requires that the two parties consent to marriage in the presence of an ordained minister. It is not necessary that any paperwork be filed.

I disagree that you should cease having contact with your child, and sending money to aid in the child’s support. You should continue sending support as the obligation is not created by a court order on child support, it is inherent upon having a child.


#7

So I should continue to send the money and call and talk to my son and everytime I ask to see him be given an excuse???

It seems to me that she has been talking with her parents alot. She keeps telling me that I cannot touch the car because it is in her name. Now she says we dont need a seperation agreement to get a divorce which I know we dont. But I did buy her that car and That is my son so We have to come upon an agreement somewhere. It seems to me that her parents are telling her everything that is wrong. She is being controlled by them and they are coaching her on what to do.

Are you sure that even though none of the paperwork that we got when we got married even if never turned into the court or anything that our marriage is still legal and valid?

I know that I must get a lawyer. I know that for a fact. But I need to get my license back and get a car. What if it takes me 2 or 3 months to take care of all that. What do I do about being able to see my son???

I am to the point that I dont care about her anymore because she is doing nothing but listening to all the lies that her parents are feeding her. She is 2 hours away so i cannot sit down and talk with her and explain everything to her.


#8

I do suggest you continue to send money to aid in your child’s support.
Based on the facts you list you need to file an action for child custody in order to ensure you have visitation with your child. The action needs to be commenced now, whether or not you have a license.
I am sure your marriage is valid.


#9

Just my 2 cents: Keep record of the money you send for your son. If she has filed for CS, they can retro it back to separation. If she claims you haven’t supported your son, you will have back-up that you DID. Keep calling your son. Let him know you love him. Write down each time you talk to him. They can’t say you don’t communicate if you have phone records otherwise.

Also, do not be intimidated by her parents. The boy is your son and you have rights. You need to exert those rights. It seems the legal route is the only way to do that. Keep note of every time you’ve asked to see your son and have been denied. Keep texts to that effect and emails. Email is best in my opinion.

Get a lawyer to help you. Also, she can’t file for divorce without you knowing about it. You have to be notified.

Good luck!


#10

According to what I told the clerk of courts then our marriage was never Legal. I am no longer going to speak to her anymore.

I will save every penny I have and file for custody/visitation for the sake of the relationship with my son.
I am so torn right now i do not know what to do.

Ok let me explain the Marriage thing. Me and her both went to the court house. We sat down filled out the information it asked on the computer. We were given a marriage license, I paid for it. We then left the court house and went to the church and had the pastor marry us. We did not have a Witness there with us. So he gave Us the License back and told us to have a witness sign it. We had a witness sign the certificate but that is as far as it has gone. Nothing else was ever done. We did not turn anything in to the courts and neither did the pastor since he gave us the certificate back to get the witness to sign it. Now according to common sense I would believe that the Marriage was never Legal. It is obvious that my “Crazy Partner” must know about it as this may be the reason as to why she is saying that we no longer need separation papers and that I have no rights to the car. She is not telling me that she know’s though.

Erin how do I go about trying to get emergency custody/visitation??? Every time I have been to the court house they pretty much tell me I am SOL.

If she knows that we were never married then why would she hide that from me?


#11

The marriage is legal and valid.

You must file an action for custody and get a hearing scheduled.


#12

I dont understand how it can be legal and calid if there is no proof. Only proof is where the license was signed but she has that and for all I know she may have ripped them up.


#13

Nothing need be filed for a marriage to be valid. It is legal.


#14

Ok Erin. I am sorry I am asking all of these questions. This is coming down real hard on me. She is basically trying to avoid me the most that she can. I know her parents have some involvement. But the real deal is this. If we are indeed Legally married then why would she try to avoid me to talk about seperation papers? We have a kid together. She still avoids me.
I know the right thing to do is to continue to call my son every night like I have been doing. But honestly it hurts me very very badly to call to talk to him, to hear his voice and then think about the mistakes that I think his mother is making. She keeps saying we dont need seperation papers. I would very much like for maybe one day for this relationship to work out but the truth in the matter is that i think it is too late.
How can I find out if we are indeed legally married? Is there somewhere that I can call. Also if my wife thinks that we are not married then Should I say anything to her to let her know that we are married. What I dont understand is why she avoids me. She does not call, or email me. I send her emails all the time but never get a reply when I ask about my son or our relationship.
I dont think that she understands that we have to communicate with each other in order to make this easier on our son.

Is there any way to tell her all this?

Would you advise me to get a lawyer and go ahead and have seperation papers drawn up? I dont want the car I bought but if she is going to treat me the way she is then I want some of my money back. Really we dont own anything together except the car and we have our son. Everyone tells me to stop talking to her and to stop talking to my son. I want to talk to my son but not over the phone and constantly arguing with her if and when I can see my son.

I forgot to mention that I dont have my own place anymore. I am living with a friend. What should be done?


#15

You are legally married.

As far as finding a way to discuss these issues with her in face of emotional difficulty, I am not qualified to give that type of advice, and you may want to consider speaking to a therapist who specializes in dealing with folks going through a separation.

I would advise that you also meet with a lawyer primarily to discuss custody. If the only property you own is a car, you may not need a separation agreement, however only a lawyer who is apprised of all the facts of your specific situation can tell you that for sure.


#16

Erin another question concerning taxes.
My wife did not work at all in 2009. She lived with me in the apartment up until aug 25th. So do I still have the right to claim her and my son as a dependent on my taxes? Would I still filed as married or as seperated.

Can her parents try to claim my son? What if she gets a job before this year is up. Can she then claim my son??


#17

Her parents cannot claim your child on their taxes as he is not their dependant. If your wife did not work, she will not be filing.


#18

But if she gets a job before this year is up then she will be able to claim him correct?
Would I have any recourse if she did?


#19

The IRS rules allow the custodial parent to claim the child.


#20

Ok since she lived here in cumberland county with me for a year with my son and now has lived with her parents going on 3 months then she will have to retain a lawyer here in cumberland county correct? Since she is still considered a legal resident of cumberland county?